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#CareerAdvice : #JobAcceptance -Should I Accept a #NewJob Late in my Pregnancy? “You Don’t Really Want me Right Now. I’m Super Pregnant.” Your Thoughts??

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“You Don’t Really Want me Right Now. I’m Super Pregnant.”

Those were my thoughts when I received a phone call late one December day when the person on the other end was asking me to consider accepting a position at a different company.

At the time, I was expecting my first child. I had a great job in Connecticut, working as Cigna’s vice president of product strategy. I had a phenomenal boss who provided me many opportunities, as well as a highly flexible work arrangement when I returned from maternity leave. I wasn’t looking to change jobs. We had also just built our first home, and I didn’t think life could get any better.

I originally thought this phone call was to be about sharing best practices in talent strategy. To my surprise, the woman actually wanted to talk to me about my background and whether or not I would consider coming to work for Bank of America. I distinctly remember laughing and then saying aloud what I’d been thinking: “You don’t want me. I’m nine months pregnant! And even if I wanted to, I can’t fly to North Carolina to interview.”

I was playing into the fears and assumptions that many expectant working moms have. Will my pregnancy and baby limit my career? What if I want to stay home? How will I be able to work the crazy hours I do with a new baby? Why would I move? Where will my network as a new mom be? How can I possibly add one more stress to our plate?

I thought that was the end of the conversation.

 

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Instead, the recruiter said, “We have an office in New York. Take the train down, meet the team, no pressure.”

She ended up talking me into going to the interview, where I met many amazing individuals–none of whom mentioned my pregnancy. We only discussed my skills and experience.

I headed back to Connecticut that night, and the very next day, my son, Cooper, arrived two-and-a-half weeks early. I called the recruiter to let her know that the time was not ideal for me to change jobs. She said not to worry and to let her know when I was ready. They sent me a beautiful gift.

Eight weeks later, still on maternity leave and still intrigued by the company, I told the woman I would come down to meet the rest of the team. Not only did they bring me to North Carolina, but they also let me bring my husband and newborn son.

Once more, the questions during their interviews centered on my expertise, not my status as a brand-new mother. Because I have a solid mix of business- and talent-related experience, they gave me the opportunity to select from five different roles. They also provided a highly supportive relocation team to help us navigate this major change and made me feel welcome.

Most importantly, they never once put constraints on my capabilities, neither as a business leader nor as a new mom. Frankly, they made me feel like I was invincible and provided me a boost of confidence that I had lost during my maternity leave. They also, unknowingly, provided me with the strength to believe that I–and other women–could have it all. Two-and-a-half years later, while still working at Bank of America, I had my daughter, Aspen. Once more, I felt supported, and when I returned from maternity leave, I was offered a promotion and a brand-new challenge.

The knowledge I gained during those years has been instrumental as a guiding force in my career. When I accepted a position last year as chief human resources officer at WEX, I doubled down on my mission to open doors and bust many of the tired old myths that women and managers still believe about themselves and their employees, both consciously and unconsciously. At WEX, I’m proud to be part of a leadership team that is nearly 50% women, including our CEO, all of whom have amazing families and demanding careers.

As a change advocate and catalyst for career moms everywhere, I often tell working parents these things:

Yes, it is okay to take that conference call in the school drop-off line.

Yes, it is okay to sit at karate practice or horseback riding competitions or lacrosse games while sending a text or email or hopping on a conference call.

In order to do it all, you have to first give yourself permission to live by your rules. You also need to decide what “all” means for you. I wanted a challenging career while also spending quality time with my husband and kids. As a result, my definition of “all” doesn’t leave me much time to form new, deep friendships, which is, at times, a challenge.

Clearly, the expectation of any company is to consistently deliver strong performance. At each company I’ve worked for, I’ve been clear on my expectations and have ensured that my “say/do” ratio is 100%, which means I do what I say I am going to do and more. In return, these companies have provided an environment in which I felt like I could work, live, and thrive.

If you truly love what you do for a living, you can make it work. Working parents who are unsure of what they want and feel resentment toward their work or family because they perceive they are missing out or haven’t made their expectations clear are setting themselves up to fail.

I knew when I had children that I would not have them at home forever, and my husband and I vowed to always put them first. Our grounding in our family has made my choices easier. Make no mistake: If you want to bifurcate work and family, it is nearly impossible in the 24/7 world that we live in today. I prefer to call it “work-life integration.” You work hard, you play hard, and you have no regrets.

But first, you find a job you can’t live without and a company that can’t live without you–you the whole person, not just you the employee.

Author: Melanie Tinto is the chief human resources officer at WEX.

FastCompany.com | May 29, 2019

#CareerAdvice : #PregnantJobSearch – Here’s What Happened When I Interviewed for a New Job while Heavily Pregnant. Great Read!

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I don’t know how else to start this story except with the punchline: I started interviewing for a senior position at an ad agency while six and a half months pregnant.

I got a job offer at eight months and received a formal contract two weeks after giving birth to my second daughter. I didn’t start my new, big, full-time gig until I’d enjoyed five months off with my delicious baby girl.

I do not share this to boast. I share it because every woman who’s found this out has looked at me, wide-eyed, asked to hear every detail, and then implored me to tell every woman I know.

Because it’s a sadly uncommon tale, right?

Our societal norm looks more like this: a professional woman finds out she’s pregnant and stays in her current position whether she likes it or not. She stays because of maternity leave and health care. Because she fears rejection. Because she feels ill and exhausted and can’t deal.

For many reasons, women’s professional mobility can be largely limited during pregnancy. Pregnancy alone is 10 months, and combine that with any amount of time trying to get pregnant plus the postpartum period, and suddenly two years go by. Given that the average 25 to 34-year-old female stays with a job for only 2.8 years, this period of time with limited job movement is significant. And that’s just for one child.

I did not consciously decide to fight against this current. What initially happened to me was in line with the standard tale. I found myself at three months pregnant ready to make a professional move but realized my timing was lousy. Impossible even. I’d loved my latest experience and coworkers, but felt I’d grown as much as I could within my role and the company at large. I was ready to start looking for my next challenge. But job searching takes time, and I’d be lucky to find an opportunity by the time I was six months pregnant, and who would hire me then?

Like many pregnant women, I internally shrugged my shoulders and accepted my fate. I would stay put, I told myself. Use this time to figure out my next move, take my maternity leave, and start interviewing when I became hirable again (i.e. after the baby was born).

But impatience nagged at me. I started responding to recruiter messages, just out of curiosity. Or so I told myself. These calls often went well, but when I eventually shared that I was pregnant–because I’m honest like that–the script cut to a quick and common finale. “Oh, congrats! You’re like the third woman I’ve spoken with this month who’s pregnant. There must be something in the air. Okay, let’s talk after the baby is born.”

These recruiters were other women. And I wasn’t even offended at the time. All it did was reinforce my own assumption that I was indeed stuck for now. I once again shrugged my shoulders and told myself that it was all for the best. It’d force me to relax, take my time and make a really thoughtful decision about my next move.

As part of this exploration, I reached out to past colleagues I’d always liked and admired, and asked them to reconnect over coffee. After one such meeting, with a man I used to work with but hadn’t connected with in over a decade, I became particularly interested and excited. He was now president of Heat, an ad agency, and I found myself thinking the agency was potentially the fit I’d been looking for. I could tell he was interested in my experience as well. We parted ways by agreeing to reconnect after the baby was born when I was ready to make a move.

 

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In all fairness to him, I had learned to open any and all networking coffees by pointing to the obvious baby bump in my belly and clarifying that I was just using this time to explore my next step. Of course, I wasn’t looking to make a move right now. I certainly contributed to setting my own limitations, but no one I met with encouraged me to consider otherwise.

After this fruitful networking coffee, I came home and excitedly told my husband about it. But I soon found myself expressing disappointment that I couldn’t just jump at the opportunity now. I tried to shrug my shoulders yet again, but my disappointment quickly shifted into annoyance. This sucks. My husband wouldn’t have to wait for months to pursue an opportunity because we’re having a baby. Why should I?

It’s at this moment my story takes an uncommon turn.

Instead of quieting that voice, I decided to challenge the status quo for acceptable pregnant lady behavior. I did something the next day that everyone in my life thought was crazy, including me. I reached back out to the man I’d had coffee with to say, “I’m actually ready to talk seriously now if you are.”

This was a scary thing to do. It opened me up to being judged or rejected by someone whom I wanted to maintain a good rapport. Exhibiting professional ambition while also being thrilled to have a child on the way can be a really delicate tightrope for women to walk. Pregnancy is a giant visual reminder of the dichotomy between work and family, stamped across a woman’s body. I knew full well that I wasn’t as desirable as a candidate at that moment as I’d typically be. I was terrified to send that email.

The moment I pressed send, I knew I’d feel better about the outcome than if I’d just kept quiet, no matter what his response was. If he said, “Awesome, let’s have you meet some people,” I’d feel confident pursuing the opportunity completely as myself, baby and all. If he said, “Nah, we’re not interested in talking to you until this baby thing is over and done with,” I’d learn upfront they weren’t likely people I’d want to work with as a new mom anyway.

His response was immediate and positive. He set me up to interview with my current boss at Heat, with whom I had another interesting and exciting conversation. He then moved me forward to meet with more people, all of whom didn’t blink that I was pregnant. It was amazing.

This isn’t to say it was a breeze interviewing while six, seven, and eight months pregnant. I felt exposed and insecure in such a maternal state. My interview shtick had a look to it, and that absolutely did not include a giant basketball in my stomach or waddling into conference rooms. Pregnancy didn’t allow me to don my typical armor, one that most of us wear in some form or another.

Again though, what initially felt terrifyingly vulnerable took a positive turn. It was the first time I’d ever come from a place of, “Take me or leave me as I am,” in a professional setting. There was no hiding the fact that I’d come with some baggage. That I’d have other priorities outside of work. That they’d be hiring a mom of little ones and all the inconveniences that can bring.

It ended up being the most empowering experience of my professional life to date. Interviewing while pregnant challenged me to lower my guard and be fully myself from Day One. As a woman in advertising, I had learned to brand myself according to what’s appealing to my industry–as most women in most industries do. Motherhood is definitely not included in that picture. Not having had any working moms to look to as examples in my early career was part of what drove me away from the industry. Most of the ad-women I worked with left after having children because they too felt they didn’t have a place in it, for a multitude of reasons. If I was going to come back to an agency after years of applying my skills elsewhere, doing so while enormously pregnant seemed almost absurd. It forced me to put forward the very thing I was most insecure about in this field: my femininity.

Funny how life works sometimes.

At eight months pregnant, after a process that was nothing but positive, I received a formal job offer for a position I hadn’t dreamed of pursuing months prior.

What about maternity leave? Given my unique timing and the fact that I didn’t receive a contract and negotiate final details until after my baby was born, I couldn’t take advantage of my new employer’s maternity leave. Instead, I took the three and a half months of maternity leave I received from my former employer and the state of California.

My new employer initially hoped I’d start after three months off with the baby, but I told them I’d be a better employee if I could start after five months. They supported this request. And the six weeks of unpaid leave I was planning to take all along was essentially paid for with the salary increase I received.

I realize I was very fortunate. Not every woman has any maternity leave to begin with, nor is every new employer so inclined to be flexible with family leave time. However, I believe this is all the more reason for women to be their own best advocates during this time of life.

What about starting a new job with a new baby? I won’t lie: it wasn’t easy. It brought up a whole new set of vulnerabilities. I can see why some women choose to stick with something comfortable and known during that phase of life. Most of my new co-workers didn’t know I had a tiny baby and a four-year-old at home, and it’s not exactly something you bring up in early conversations. Because they also didn’t yet know me or my work, I worried about coming off as less sharp than I’d normally be.

Between having to pump twice a day, kids getting sick, me getting sick, and juggling the life logistics of a dual-working home in a big city with little children whom I insist upon seeing every morning and night when not traveling, I literally couldn’t give 100% of myself to the new gig. Nine months into the job, I still can’t. But again, this forced me to be true to myself and my life values more than I’d ever been at work before. I had to establish stronger boundaries around my time and was then able to learn that my work and reputation didn’t suffer by doing so.

I also felt an immediate sense of respect and loyalty to my new organization. It says a lot about an organization and its leadership when they extend a senior position to a woman at that late stage of pregnancy and then happily wait a half year for her to start. This illustrated a level of value for women and moms and was a great indication of Heat’s culture and values. Not surprisingly, this agency is the best organization I’ve ever worked for when it comes to caring for its employees and actively pursuing excellence in diversity and inclusion in the workplace.

For anyone inspired by my fortunate tale, I’ll end this story with a bit of advice as anyone who experiences good luck suddenly feels qualified to do.

Companies, consider the motivation, loyalty, and progress you can cultivate by pursuing women who are pregnant. Be open to working with them to get creative about maternity leave options, signing bonuses, access to health care or other workarounds. I know this is particularly challenging for small businesses or smaller teams, but hiring the right person is also valuable in the long run.

Recruiters, don’t assume pregnancy is a pause button for women or companies. You could be hurting both parties by doing so. If women say they aren’t interested in making a move because of pregnancy, politely ask if that’s actually true or if they’re just assuming the company won’t want them. Be a champion for your female clients during this phase of their lives.

Women, dare to actively pursue professional growth while pregnant. If you feel the pull to do so, that is. We can work to unstick ourselves. You never know what kinds of opportunities might arise, and how you might be able to make them fit within your pregnancy, maternity leave, and future family lives.

Author: At work, Jen Watts Welsh is a Group Strategy Director with Heat. At home, she is the head of strategy for two tiny girl bosses. At play, she avoids all things strategic and can be found in child’s pose or drinking strong coffee.

 

FastCompany.com | February 19, 2019

Your #Career : Pregnant & Looking For A Job? How To Land The New Role Now…There is a Lot of Waiting In-Between Interviews & Decisions, & During this Time, the Candidate Can be Forgotten or the Employer’s Doubts Fester & Grow.

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Job Search & Pregnancy are Two Very Individualized Experiences on Their Own, so when you combine them, it goes without saying that any anecdotes, platitudes or even specific strategies I share need to be customized for your specific situation. However, if I look at the two real-life situations I shared – in two very competitive, fast-moving industries and at senior, high-stakes levels – some general patterns do emerge:

 

When I was an executive recruiter at a retained search firm, one of my colleagues placed a pregnant candidate, in her eighth month of pregnancy, in a senior strategy consulting role. Strategy is a demanding job, with frequent travel and volatile hours. The eighth month of pregnancy is when you’re visibly pregnant (so the employer clearly knew), and you are soon-to-be, if not already, not allowed to travel by air. Still a match was made.

 

When I was an in-house recruiter at a tech company, one of my candidates for an HR Manager role was in the middle of a pregnancy. She wasn’t as visibly pregnant as the eight-month candidate, so it’s unclear that my hiring group would have known for sure. Yet, she disclosed, was selected for interviews, and went far along the process (she ultimately stayed at her current employer but did refer an excellent candidate to us, so she clearly had a positive experience).

In my 15+ years of recruiting, I have seen multiple instances of pregnant, soon-to-be-pregnant, or recently pregnant/ new mom candidates get interviews, callbacks, offers, internal moves, and promotions. What worked for these candidates?

Job search and pregnancy are two very individualized experiences on their own, so when you combine them, it goes without saying that any anecdotes, platitudes or even specific strategies I share need to be customized for your specific situation. However, if I look at the two real-life situations I shared – in two very competitive, fast-moving industries and at senior, high-stakes levels – some general patterns do emerge:

The candidates were competitive for their roles

Pregnancy or no, the candidates were competitive. Both had specific skills, expertise, and relevant experience for the roles. In the case of the consultant, she was at a major competitor, she had worked on the specific projects that were a priority for the employer who hired her, and she had a personality that gelled with the team. For the HR candidate, she had experience at another fast-growth tech company, which was a deal-breaker requirement. I both cases, the candidate had something the employer really wanted. Pregnancy or no, how competitive are you for the roles you are targeting?

 

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The roles were hard-to-fill and required discerning, flexible employers

If a job is hard to fill, the employer can’t easily dismiss candidates. There aren’t going to be many candidates when the candidate pool is scarce, so the employer has to consider all of them. The more generic the job, the less likely an employer will have to compromise before finding the right fit. So an employer will simply take the readily available candidate (the path of least resistance) and likely won’t be as accommodating to a pregnancy, a flexible work schedule, a delayed start date or any other non-traditional arrangement. A hard-to-fill job isn’t necessarily unpleasant, difficult, or unreasonably demanding. It just means there are fewer candidates who meet the requirements. Typically, it’s a cutting-edge skill set, a specialized expertise, experience at a certain type of firm (e.g., the employer’s competitors), or experience in certain market conditions (e.g., a turnaround or a growth spurt). In many cases, it’s some combination of rare attributes. How difficult are the roles you are targeting? Are they difficult enough that the employer will be creative when considering candidates and will fight for the right candidate?

The work would still get done

In the case of the strategy consultant, the nature of the job involved travel, and the candidate could not travel for a period of time. This needed to be sorted out (in this case, there was a combination of remote work and an emphasis on local projects for a specific period of time). In the case of the HR Manager, the candidate’s delivery and subsequent leave timeline was mapped against key HR deliverables (e.g., benefits enrollment, performance review time) to see what coverage was needed and when. The optimal arrangement comes by collaboration so it is best to disclose the pregnancy during the interview process when both candidate and employer can see if there is a mutually agreeable and beneficial solution. The employer can’t accommodate the candidate if they don’t know what the candidate needs. Similarly, the candidate can’t put herself forward as the best solution to the employer’s problem if she doesn’t know upcoming objectives and timelines in much more detail than would likely be shared in a typical interview situation. Have you figured out what accommodations you need? Do you know enough about your prospective employer’s business objectives that you can outline a plan and timetable for the next 12 months?

The candidate had advocates to keep discussions on track

There is a lot of waiting in-between interviews and decisions, and during this time, the candidate can be forgotten or the employer’s doubts fester and grow. As the job seeker, you need to make sure you stay front of mind during the gaps and keep the employer interested over the entire process. In the case of the strategy consultant, my recruiting colleague was the advocate — checking in on both candidate and employer sides regularly. My colleague was facilitating what arrangements would need to be made to both onboard the candidate if she were to be hired but also to preserve her maternity leave. In the case of the HR Manager search, I was the advocate, ensuring that the pregnant candidate was seen and her timetable and requirements were out in the open. But I was also advocating for the hiring group, setting clear expectations with the candidate on business objectives and deadlines. You don’t necessarily need a recruiter or other intermediary to be your advocate. However, the process can take a long time (with consulting, for example, coordinating the travel schedules of everyone who has to interview really slows the process down). If you, as the candidate, don’t have an active recruiter keeping in touch with you and with the hiring group, you need to stay on top of every stage of the process. Without being inside the company, you can’t as readily interact with all of the decision-makers and know what is holding up the process or possibly derailing your candidacy. An insider, whether the recruiter or someone within the hiring group, is an ideal advocate. Who else is invested in your job search?

The candidate believed in the possibility of a better job right now

With both the strategy consultant and the HR manager, they raised their hand for these new jobs, while they were pregnant. They did not assume that they would automatically be rejected by the employers. They did not assume that it would be better to wait till after their maternity leave to consider new opportunities. They also came to the interview process with their game face on – brilliantly and competitively interviewing for these roles. If they had not considered the possibility that a better job was available, then they would have taken themselves out of the running at the start. This isn’t to say that every pregnant professional should be actively looking. But if you want to look, but think you can’t because you’re pregnant, reconsider your assumptions. Are you open to the possibility that there is a better job right now, even now?

 For more career advice, join me in the upcoming FREE webinar series,Confessions of a Former Recruiter, running September thru November. We’re talking all about Interviews on Sept. 23. You can also find me on Google+.

 

Forbes.com | September 18, 2015 | Caroline Ceniza-Levine