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#Leadership : How To Prepare For The Worst Without Being A Pessimist…Everyone Faces Tough Times & Personal Emergencies. You Can’t Prepare for Everything, But you Can Take some Positive Steps to Withstand Them.

Regardless of how committed you are to your career, eventually the unthinkable happens. From serious illness to the death of a loved one to a natural disaster, into each upwardly mobile professional’s life some personal emergency will fall.

And while it’s impossible to be fully prepared for these potentially life-changing events, a little planning can go a long way in weathering them successfully.

“Nobody plans for illness. Nobody plans for a tree falling on their house. Nobody plans for this stuff, and I think that it’s important that first and foremost you just take the time [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][to do so],” says Alexa Fischer, actor, confidence coach, and entrepreneur. She urges professionals to stop avoiding the process and begin preparing.

Here are six steps that will get you started.

THINK IT THROUGH

It can be difficult to contemplate negative or traumatic events, but mentally “walking through” a situation that would put you out of work for an extended period of time can help you identify what you would need to weather that storm, says Scott Amyx, chair and managing partner at Amyx Ventures, a San Francisco-based venture fund, and author of Strive: How Doing the Things Most Uncomfortable Leads to Success. What would you need if you were going through an illness, personal tragedy, or disaster? Think about what you would need personally and professionally. What help would you need for yourself and your team to emerge from the situation in the best way possible? Make a list of the areas you’d need to address or where you would need support, he says.


Related:How To Help A Coworker Who Is Going Through A Crisis

“The best thing that you can do is make sure that there is a support structure, but ultimately support comes in different forms. It could be people in your personal or professional life, but also could be faith-based,” he says.

 

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CREATE A COUNCIL

Once you have a sense of the areas where you’ll need help, begin to build those networks, Amyx advises. “One of the wisest pieces of advice that I ever received is having a ‘council of 12.’ This can apply professionally but also personally. Who in your life can you count on when something happens? Do you have that 12 or so people around you that can help get you through tough times?” he says.

Sometimes, your “council” members will provide advice, coaching, or counseling. Certain members may provide practical help such as meal deliveries, or personal friends who will stop by your home to help out. Building such a support system can be invaluable when an unwelcome event occurs, he says.

SYSTEMATIZE

Suddenly being away from your job for a period of time can be additionally stressful if you’re worried about work, and whether your team members will be able to manage without you. “The best thing we can do for ourselves is to create systems around us so that other people can do the work when we can’t,” Fischer says. “If your work or your gatekeeping is so precious that you have to be there—nobody else can do it for you, or access it for you—that is a liability to your company, but it’s also a huge stresser. So things like organizing passwords, organizing work flow, that organizational piece is actually freedom for you.”

She says that some people fear creating such systems, sharing information, and cross-training colleagues because they worry it makes them easier to replace. But that worry is usually baseless for valued employees, which most companies work hard to keep. And having such systems in place has benefits, too. “It also makes for great vacations, because it doesn’t have to be a terrible emergency. The same systems can be used so that you can actually get away,” she says.

BUILD GOODWILL

Investing time in building strong work relationships and having a reputation for being reliable and an active contributor to the organization is also important for getting through personal emergencies. “If you make yourself an invaluable part of your business community, so that your unique contributions are seen as unique, if you’re really engaged, if you’re looking for innovative ways to add value to the company, there’s a much greater chance that when and if something happens, the company is going to continue to give you what time you need, because they want you back. You’re valuable to them,” says business leadership coach Cheri Torres, coauthor of Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement.


Related: Secrets Of The Most Resilient People


On a more personal level, when you reach out to help colleagues and others in your network when they need you, you invest in that goodwill bank, she says. The beneficiaries of your kindness and help are likely to give back as well, and to pick up slack when you can’t do so.

WEAVE YOUR OWN SAFETY NET

A 2017 report from the Federal Reserve found that 44% of Americans have so little savings that they couldn’t cover an unexpected $400 emergency expense. Beyond preparing through systems and building relationships, it’s also important to prepare financially to the best possible extent, says Amyx, who was once a financial planner.

Saving a nest egg, investing in insurance to protect your assets and income, and a creating a comprehensive financial plan can give you more flexibility and help you bounce back from difficult times. Such tools may include disability, renters, or homeowners insurance and a line of credit that can help you cover unexpected expenses in a pinch. More companies are making financial counseling and planning advice available to their employees, so check with your HR department to see what might be available to you.

You should also know your employer policies and benefits, as well as your employment rights under state, federal, and local law, Torres advises. Be sure you know the leave and other benefits to which you are entitled, both for company policy and the laws that govern your company.

KNOW HOW YOU STAY GROUNDED

In the throes of a personal emergency, it can be difficult to think clearly and not get caught up in the emotion surrounding the event, Fischer says. Take care of yourself as much as possible during times like these and find ways to alleviate stress and calm your inner critic.

“In my own evolution, [I’ve learned] just to recognize the critic, but then find that calmer voice that is going to look toward something that is more positive that we’re going to work on,” she says. So, whether it’s taking long walks, making art, or simply spending time with family and friends, find the activities that help you remain calm and centered so you can make the best decisions in difficult situations, she says.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gwen Moran writes about business, money and assorted other topics for leading publications and web sites. She was named a Small Business Influencer Awards Top 100 Champion in 2015, 2014, and 2012 and is the co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Business Plans (Alpha, 2010), and several other books.

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FastCompany.com | March 14, 2018 | Gwen Moran

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#Strategy : How to Immediately Connect With Anyone…Try these Tips the Next Time you Meet Someone New, & Watch a Superficial Conversation Turn into a Real Connection.

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that the ability to connect with others is a natural, unteachable trait that belongs to only a lucky few. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, this ability is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Free- Women Glass of Red Wine

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that the ability to connect with others is a natural, unteachable trait that belongs to only a lucky few. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, this ability is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Research conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water. For example, Lieberman discovered that we feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

The primary function of this brain area is to alert us to threats to our survival. It makes you realize how powerful and important social connection is. We’re hard wired to be social creatures.

MRIs of the brain show that social thinking and analytical thinking involve entirely different neural networks and that they operate something like a seesaw. When you engage in analytical thinking, the social part of your brain quiets down, but as soon as you’re finished, the social network springs back to life.

 

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Related: 10 Communication Secrets of Great Leaders

The social brain is the end of the seesaw where the fat kid sits; it’s our brain’s default setting.

Given that social connection is such a fundamental human need, you’d think that it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Against our own self-interest, we get bogged down by shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy, and arrogance.

If you can get that baggage out of the way, you can connect with anyone—even those who are still holding on to their own. Here are some tips that will help you to connect instantly with everyone you meet.

Leave a strong first impression.

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to connect with anyone.

First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Be the first to venture beyond the superficial.

Our first conversation or two with a new acquaintance tends to be pretty superficial. We portray a careful picture of ourselves, and we stick to nice, safe topics. We talk about the weather and people we know in common and share the most basic details about ourselves. But if you really want to connect with somebody, try upping the ante and revealing the real you. You don’t need to get too personal, but it’s important to let the other person know what you’re passionate about. Most of the time, if you open up, the other person will follow your lead and do the same.

Ask good questions. If the other person seems hesitant to open up, encourage them to do so by asking substantial questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship nearly as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?” Search for questions that will help you to understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal.

Learn from them.

In the course of his research, Lieberman concluded that our educational system would be much more effective if we tapped into the social side of learning, rather than trying to squash it. For example, the best way to help an eighth-grader struggling with math would be to have him get help from another student. Apply that same principle to your life, and be willing to learn from the person you’re trying to connect with. Not only does that make them feel more bonded to you, it makes them feel important. It also shows that you’re willing to be vulnerable and aren’t too proud to admit that you have much to learn.

Related: 15 Body Language Secrets of Successful People

Don’t make them regret removing the mask.

If your new acquaintance does you the honor of opening up, don’t make them regret it. Sarcasm, criticism, or jokes that might make the other person feel judged for what they’ve shared are major faux paus. Instead, empathize with their approach to life, which you can do even if you don’t agree with their beliefs, and then reciprocate by revealing more about yourself.

Look for the good in them.

Our culture can often predispose us toward cynicism. We seem to focus on finding reasons not to like people instead of reasons to like them. Shut that cynical voice off, and concentrate on looking for the good in a new acquaintance. For one thing, that keeps you from writing someone off too soon, but more importantly, when you expect the best from people, they’re likely to deliver it.

Smile.

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good about you as a result.

Use their name.

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet them. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask their name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep their name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see them.

Follow the platinum rule.

We all know the golden rule, and it’s pretty easy to follow. The platinum rule is harder to follow because it requires us to treat people the way they want to be treated. Not only does doing so make the other person more comfortable—and therefore more likely to open up—but it also proves that you’ve been listening and have really heard what they’ve been telling you. And that shows extra effort on your part.

Don’t make it a contest.

We’ve all seen the stereotypical sit-com scene where two guys in a bar spend the night trying to one-up each other. The same thing happens when you meet someone new. Their accomplishments and life experience sneak up on you and make you feel the urge to make yourself look just as good (if not better). Doing so may stroke your ego, but it doesn’t help you to connect with them. It keeps you focused on yourself when you should be trying to learn about them and find common ground.

Turn off your inner voice.

One giant thing that keeps us from connecting with other people is that we don’t really listen. Instead, we’re thinking while the other person is talking. We’re so focused on what we’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect us down the road that we fail to hear what’s really being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

You must turn off this inner voice if you want to connect deeply with people. So what if you forget what you were going to say or if the conversation moves in a different direction before you have a chance to make your point. If your real goal is to connect with a person, you have to shut off your own soundtrack long enough to focus on what they’re telling you.

Bringing it all together

The good news is that we’re programmed to connect with each other; we just keep getting in our own way. Try these tips the next time you meet someone new, and watch a superficial conversation turn into a real connection.

Related: 12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

Research conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water. For example, Lieberman discovered that we feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

The primary function of this brain area is to alert us to threats to our survival. It makes you realize how powerful and important social connection is. We’re hard wired to be social creatures.

MRIs of the brain show that social thinking and analytical thinking involve entirely different neural networks and that they operate something like a seesaw. When you engage in analytical thinking, the social part of your brain quiets down, but as soon as you’re finished, the social network springs back to life.

Related: 10 Communication Secrets of Great Leaders

The social brain is the end of the seesaw where the fat kid sits; it’s our brain’s default setting.

Given that social connection is such a fundamental human need, you’d think that it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Against our own self-interest, we get bogged down by shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy, and arrogance.

If you can get that baggage out of the way, you can connect with anyone—even those who are still holding on to their own. Here are some tips that will help you to connect instantly with everyone you meet.

Leave a strong first impression.

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to connect with anyone.

First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Be the first to venture beyond the superficial.

Our first conversation or two with a new acquaintance tends to be pretty superficial. We portray a careful picture of ourselves, and we stick to nice, safe topics. We talk about the weather and people we know in common and share the most basic details about ourselves. But if you really want to connect with somebody, try upping the ante and revealing the real you. You don’t need to get too personal, but it’s important to let the other person know what you’re passionate about. Most of the time, if you open up, the other person will follow your lead and do the same.

Ask good questions. If the other person seems hesitant to open up, encourage them to do so by asking substantial questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship nearly as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?” Search for questions that will help you to understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal.

Learn from them.

In the course of his research, Lieberman concluded that our educational system would be much more effective if we tapped into the social side of learning, rather than trying to squash it. For example, the best way to help an eighth-grader struggling with math would be to have him get help from another student. Apply that same principle to your life, and be willing to learn from the person you’re trying to connect with. Not only does that make them feel more bonded to you, it makes them feel important. It also shows that you’re willing to be vulnerable and aren’t too proud to admit that you have much to learn.

Related: 15 Body Language Secrets of Successful People

Don’t make them regret removing the mask.

If your new acquaintance does you the honor of opening up, don’t make them regret it. Sarcasm, criticism, or jokes that might make the other person feel judged for what they’ve shared are major faux paus. Instead, empathize with their approach to life, which you can do even if you don’t agree with their beliefs, and then reciprocate by revealing more about yourself.

Look for the good in them.

Our culture can often predispose us toward cynicism. We seem to focus on finding reasons not to like people instead of reasons to like them. Shut that cynical voice off, and concentrate on looking for the good in a new acquaintance. For one thing, that keeps you from writing someone off too soon, but more importantly, when you expect the best from people, they’re likely to deliver it.

Smile.

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good about you as a result.

Use their name.

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet them. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask their name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep their name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see them.

Follow the platinum rule.

We all know the golden rule, and it’s pretty easy to follow. The platinum rule is harder to follow because it requires us to treat people the way they want to be treated. Not only does doing so make the other person more comfortable—and therefore more likely to open up—but it also proves that you’ve been listening and have really heard what they’ve been telling you. And that shows extra effort on your part.

Don’t make it a contest.

We’ve all seen the stereotypical sit-com scene where two guys in a bar spend the night trying to one-up each other. The same thing happens when you meet someone new. Their accomplishments and life experience sneak up on you and make you feel the urge to make yourself look just as good (if not better). Doing so may stroke your ego, but it doesn’t help you to connect with them. It keeps you focused on yourself when you should be trying to learn about them and find common ground.

Turn off your inner voice.

One giant thing that keeps us from connecting with other people is that we don’t really listen. Instead, we’re thinking while the other person is talking. We’re so focused on what we’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect us down the road that we fail to hear what’s really being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

You must turn off this inner voice if you want to connect deeply with people. So what if you forget what you were going to say or if the conversation moves in a different direction before you have a chance to make your point. If your real goal is to connect with a person, you have to shut off your own soundtrack long enough to focus on what they’re telling you.

Bringing it all together

The good news is that we’re programmed to connect with each other; we just keep getting in our own way. Try these tips the next time you meet someone new, and watch a superficial conversation turn into a real connection.

Related: 12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

 

Entrepreneur.com  |  Travis Bradberry