#YourCareer : Negotiating With Bullies – Get What You Want Without Losing Your Mind. In our Polarized Society, we have All Forgotten How to Persuade
Judge Laurel Beatty Blunt is a judge for the Ohio 10th District Court of Appeals. She also serves on the Supreme Court of Ohio Board on Continuing Legal Education, the Ohio Sentencing Data Platform Governance Board and the Alvis, Inc. Board of Trustees.
With over twenty years of experience in the legal and political professions, Judge Beatty Blunt joined Negotiate Anything to discuss her most successful strategies for persuasive communication, as well as real-world tactics to use when negotiating with bullies.
State of Communication
Between covid, social media and the increased use of electronic communication, people are finding themselves with less face-to-face interaction. This encourages a phenomenon Judge Beatty Blunt refers to as “keyboard courage” – where technology makes it easier for people to say things they wouldn’t normally say in person.
In the professional setting, this can look like unnecessarily harsh tones or commentary in emails. While this behavior makes people feel powerful momentarily, this is the least effective way to persuade someone.
“In our polarized society, we have all forgotten how to persuade,” Judge Beatty Blunt shared. “All we are doing is arguing and trying to batter home our own point – which is not going to convince anybody.”
Persuasive Dialogue: What To Keep In Mind
When we think about successful persuasion, it’s important to remember two things: bullying isn’t effective and there is no “one size fits all” approach.
In difficult conversations, aggressive communication can move you further from your ultimate goal. Rather than approaching the dilemma with a sound mind and strategic response, the ego is calling all of the shots – and will likely end up breaking down any potential progress.
Additionally, when it comes to persuasion – everybody is different. Using the legal profession as an example, a strategy for effectively persuading a judge will likely differ from a strategy for persuading a jury. Similarly, persuasion will also vary depending on which judge you are speaking with.
Judge Beatty Blunt also encourages professionals, especially those in the legal field, to remember to answer the questions being asked.
“70% of the dockets are civil cases and 70% of time is spent on criminal cases,” Judge Beatty Blunt explained. “So time is essential if you are a civil attorney – you will need to make sure you are answering the questions the judge wants.”
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Article continued …
On Bullying: Strategies for Mitigating Conflict and Remaining Confident
Emotion Management
One of the most important things to consider when preparing for difficult conversations is how you will manage your own emotions and triggers. Once insulted or attacked – the ego works fast – often triggering a counterproductive response.
When it comes to emotions, the goal is to compartmentalize them, not suppress them. Make a list of your triggers. To the best of your ability, prepare for how you will respond if this trigger comes up during the conversation. One trick is to remain focused on your ultimate objective. Most importantly, make time to process the emotions later. Don’t be afraid to work with a therapist on this as well.
Allow Room for Silence
Judge Beatty Blunt once waited two minutes before responding to aggressive remarks from a colleague. Making room for silence has two distinct benefits: it allows you to process your emotions and plan for a productive response, and it shifts the energy of the conversation.
“When it gets quiet in a courtroom – it is heavy.” she shared. “I was just trying to get myself through the situation but looking back it probably was pretty effective because so many people are uncomfortable with silence.”
Respond Keeping Your Ultimate Goal in Mind
Once ready to respond, it’s important to remember your “why”. Another thing to remember is your own power. Everything doesn’t have to be a negotiation and when aggressive behavior is displayed – boundaries should be set. Sometimes the only thing to do is acknowledge you heard the commentary and end the conversation.
Judge Beatty Brown reflected on her response after those insulting remarks, “I sat there and let several responses go through my head,” she shared, “and then I just looked up and calmly responded, ‘Your insults are not persuasive. Is there anything further counsel?’ And the hearing was over.”
On some occasions it will be clear that that person just wants to be heard or validated. It’s okay to work that validation into a response while making it clear that negotiations are closed and the conversation is over.
Lead with Kindness
Though it will certainly be challenging at times, Judge Beatty Blunt encourages all professionals to lead with kindness where possible.
“Kindness is always the best way to go about it,” she stated. “That old saying about getting more bees with honey than vinegar – it’s true whether you are trying to talk with a spouse or persuade a client to use your services.”
Follow Judge Laurel Beatty Blunt on LinkedIn. To listen to the full episode, click here.