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#CareerAdvice : How to Talk to Anyone from the CEO to the Interns at your #CompanyHolidayParty … Great Read!

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It’s that time of year when parties fill your calendar. Mingling with both people you know very well and those you never speak to, you might be you a little nervous. But little nervousness goes a long way to helping you get ready. Saying the wrong things can be career limiting, just as saying the right things to the right people can be career enhancing.

If you want to make a great impression, think ahead to what you’ll say. When the corks are popping and hors d’oeuvres are being passed around, you’ll have some key messages to deliver. Here’s how you can prepare to be spontaneous in  four conversations you can expect to have at your office holiday party:

WHAT TO SAY TO THE CEO

You might worry most about speaking with your CEO–or with any high-ranking executive. With that in mind, you could decide to give it a pass. But that’s a no-win strategy. Instead, take a deep breath and walk over to that senior executive. Make sure she’s not engaged in a conversation with someone else. If she is, wait, watch, and go for it when the she is free. That itself takes a keen eye.

Extend your hand, and introduce yourself. Don’t say, “I’m Aesha, I work in sales.” That introduction will go nowhere. As you shake hands, be sure to share your full name, and do so with confidence and eye contact. Tell your CEO not where you work but what you contribute. So, if you’re in sales, you might say, “I’m Aesha Patel, and I’ve helped corporate banking have its best year ever.” Or you might state, “I oversee our expanding relationship with NBR Bank.”

Now you’re talking your CEO’s language. Any one in authority will love to hear these positive messages, and will be able to build upon your narrative. If it sounds like boasting to you it will sound like success to your company’s officers.

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HOW TO CONNECT WITH YOUR BOSS

Don’t even think of avoiding your boss, even if you’re shy or don’t particularly care for the person you’re reporting to. This is a great opportunity to strengthen those important ties, and present yourself as a confident person, comfortable in your job. The key is showing your boss you appreciate him.

As you plan for this conversation, think about the one thing you admire, respect, or like about your boss. It could be his ability to inspire his team, or his dedication to the department’s success. You might appreciate that he mentors you and others. You might also respect him because he’s a great dad who manages to balance work and family.

Think ahead and get your message clear in your mind. Here are some possibilities: “I want to thank you believing in all of us on the communications team and being such an excellent mentor.” Or, “You know, one thing I’ve noticed this year is how devoted a dad you are. You’ve shown us by your example how to make the work-life balance successful.”

CHATTING WITH A COLLEAGUE

The fun conversations often are with friends and close colleagues. Networking with them can be full of laughter, sharing confidences, and making plans. But here again you have an opportunity to build relationships. So take full advantage of these encounters.
As you’re thinking about the event, decide which of your colleagues and friends you want to spend time with and what you want to say. In each case, there is an opportunity to take the relationship to the next level.
Here are some angles: If a colleague and you have been working on a project, tell them it’s been a great experience, and suggest what you might do in the next year. Or if you know your colleague is hunting for a job, say you may have someone she can talk to. If you two have young children, share the excitement of having little people during the holidays. Suggest getting the kids together in the New Year. The point is to build the relationship.

APPROACHING A STRANGER

There will no doubt be people at the holiday party that you don’t know. Well, be sure to take time to reach out to a few of them. They might be new employees, clients, spouses, or partners. Make them feel welcome by going up to them and saying, “Hi, I’m Donovan Elliott. Great that you could join us.”
What unfolds is not necessarily a conversation you could have planned, but it will be special because you’ve taken the time to give an outsider a warm welcome.

If it’s a client who’s been invited to the event, tell them, “We love working with your team.” If the person is a new employee, ask how they like their job. Offer to have a lunch with them in the near future to discuss any questions they might have. The important thing is (1) that you have made a point of reaching out and (2) you do a lot of listening. They’ll remember you for those gracious qualities.

Basically, it’s a party, so keep your discussions warm and positive. Avoid contentious topics that can drive things off the rails. And contribute to everyone’s joy (and your own career success!) by preparing what you’ll say, whom you want to talk to, and how you’ll reach out to those you don’t know.

Judith Humphrey is founder of The Humphrey Group, a premier leadership communications firm headquartered in Toronto. She is a communications expert whose business teaches global clients how to communicate as confident, compelling leaders

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FastCompany.com | December 12, 2018

#Leadership : How to Deal When your #Boss Plays Favorites…It’s Human Nature to have Preferences. It’s Unfair and Shouldn’t Happen, But If your Boss Seems to Be Passing you Over in Favor of Someone Else, here’s How you Can Keep your Career from Tanking.

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At work, however, this natural tendency can quickly become toxic if preferential treatments are coming from the boss.

Especially if you’re the one suffering at the expense of favoritism.

In the best case scenario, your boss’s favoritism will pass without negatively impacting your career growth. In a more sinister case scenario, the favoritism continues on far too long and your professional growth suffers. You are kept out of secret meetings and brainstorming sessions. You don’t get assigned projects that can help you grow. You aren’t given credit after working hard on an assignment.

After awhile, the unfair treatment could end up damaging your ability to succeed.

“It’s really important to approach this kind of scenario with integrity and maintain a sense of confidence,” says Donna Sweiden, executive career coach at CareerFolk LLC. “Don’t let it become a chip on your shoulder, even if it might be difficult, but rather continue to engage in the work and this might be tricky because of the constant rejection.”

In order to persevere, below are four ways to handle not being your boss’s favorite:

1. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

Maybe your boss resonates with your coworker. Maybe there’s something about her that reminds your boss of himself. It doesn’t matter because you can’t do anything about it. What you can control, however, is how you react to it.

One way to deal with this situation is to “deal with the little things instead of the big picture,” says Barbara Pachter, business etiquette expert and author of the book, The Communication Clinic: 99 Proven Cures for the Most Common Business Mistakes. So instead of focusing on the fact that your boss is playing favorites, turn your attention instead on what you want that you aren’t getting. If you want a special assignment, do your homework, go in, and ask for it.

If there’s a career goal you’re trying to reach, tell your boss about it, and then ask advice on how you can get there. The most important thing is to be straightforward. Otherwise, it might not be that your boss is playing favorites, but rather they just don’t know what you want.

“It is possible that the way you’re speaking up, or the way your appear when you’re speaking up can seem wishy-washy,” warns Pachter.

 

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2. GO ABOVE AND BEYOND

You can’t control your boss’s bad behavior, and focusing on it will only eat away at your psyche and defeat you. Instead, focus on improving yourself. Eventually others will notice the good work you’re doing.

Pachter advises putting everything into your work and going above and beyond during this painful period. Get in early and stay late. And if you can stomach it, consider what it is about your boss’s favorite that has earned them special treatment. Is there anything the favorite is doing that you can learn from?

3. ASSERT YOURSELF

If you continue to do good work, you have to trust that eventually others will notice. And they might even notice your boss playing favorites, if the behavior is overt enough. One way to help people notice the good work you’re doing is to advocate for yourself. What are you doing to build your reputation outside of your department? Are you getting involved in projects with others who can vouch for your work? Can you get a mentor who can help support your career growth? Finding different avenues to success may take a bit more time and creative energy when you don’t have a boss who supports you, but eventually, articulating and advocating your values is something you’ll have to consider if you want to get the attention you deserve.

4. MANAGE UP

At some point, if your boss’s preferences are no longer something you can ignore, then it’s time to manage up.

“Obviously you can’t go on this way,” says Sweiden. “You will have to figure out a way to develop some kind of relationship with the manager.”

She adds: “Ultimately, it’s less important that people like you, but building a workable relationship is very critical because when things get difficult, you need that relationship, that foundation, to talk things out.”

However, if you’ve tried building a trusting, cordial relationship with your boss, but they’re just, quite frankly, a jerk, then it might be time you communicate this to them.

Sweiden advises asking for advice in a nonthreatening way, like “How am I doing?” By involving your boss, you’re acknowledging their expertise and also communicating that you’re on the same team. You can also bring up the fact that you’ve noticed the favorite has received X,Y, Z opportunities and you’d like to know how you can also get similar opportunities (assuming you are equal in competence and diligent). Next, be very clear on the opportunities you want.

Whatever you do, always try to separate your emotions from the conversation, especially if the favoritism has gone on for some time and has festered into loathing.

Vivian Giang is a business writer of gender conversations, leadership, entrepreneurship, workplace psychology, and whatever else she finds interesting related to work and play. You can find her on Twitter at @vivian_giang.

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FastCompany.com | October 12, 2018 

#CareerAdvice : This is How you can Disagree with Senior Management and Keep your Job…When it Comes to Presenting your Arguments the Right Way, you First Need to Decide if you’re Disagreeing for the Right Reasons.

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Life is made up of disagreements large and small, with everyone from your spouse, kids, or parents, to strangers on the street. But perhaps one of the most fraught and stressful situations is when you disagree with the person who can decide whether you keep your job.

Gabriel Grant, CEO of Human Partners and author of the book Breaking Through Gridlock: The Power of Conversation in a Polarized World, says disagreements can sometimes feel threatening because they can come off as dismissive to a subject someone holds close.

“When that’s your identity, what you love, and what you value most, there’s presumably a lot on the line,” he says.

When it comes to presenting your arguments the right way, you first need to decide if you’re disagreeing for the right reasons. If there is something important to add to the discussion, and you’re not countering just for the sake of it, then consider the below for the forgotten art of disagreeing in a constructive manner:

1. KNOW WHAT STYLE INFLUENCES THE OTHER PARTY

When it comes to persuasion, a huge factor in success is the planning. And a major part of that planning is understanding how the other party prefers to communicate.

“One of the things about having a boss is you have to know what sort of style influences them,” says Priscilla Claman, career coach and president of Career Strategies, Inc. “There’s a reason why the New York Times, among others, have all these gorgeous charts and graphs. They’re very influential.”

In short, is this person a data-rich person? Or are they more influenced by how their decisions impact others?

 

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2. RECRUIT CREDIBLE SOURCES FOR YOUR CAUSE

If you’re really stuck, and the other party just isn’t hearing you at all, it might be time to widen the circle of people you need to persuade. One strategy is rounding up people who agree with you and make a joint presentation, as the more people behind a cause, the more credible it becomes.

Another strategy is to recruit the help of someone you know the other party trusts. For instance, if you know your boss really trusts a particular executive, try to persuade that person, then ask them to share the information with your boss.

“It’s actually a very good strategy,” Claman says, “but the downside is that if you’re right, you never get the credit for it. But at least you stop the problem from going over the cliff.”

WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS REALLY STUCK

For those really sticky conversations that feel like you’ll never be able to reach an agreement, there’s still a chance you can stay true to yourself, get your message across, and simultaneously strengthen your relationship with the other party.

Grant, who regularly works with social and environmental change leaders, provides two tips for when you’re trying to change someone’s mind, but the conversation is at a gridlock:

1. Focus on results. In challenging conversations, we end up reacting to what Grant calls a gap between the world that we want and the world in which we’re currently living.

In other words, if your superior is really upsetting you, Grant suggests reacting in a way that is consistent with what you want in the future, not with how things are right now. So, if your goal is to have a future where people are cooperative, then being upset or angry–even if those emotions are valid–isn’t going to contribute to the future you want to create.

Case in point: Executive A sends Executive B an email saying that Executive B was angry, judgmental, and dismissive when he should have been cooperative and supportive in their last meeting. However, the email itself isn’t cooperative and supportive, so how can the result ever be cooperative and supportive?

“Who you’re being is wildly more powerful than what’s being said,” says Grant, so before you make your point, make sure you first deal with your own background conversation. Take care of any thoughts, opinions, and judgments you may have, or you won’t be able to have a successful conversation out in the open later on.

“Most of the conversations we have are like the iceberg under the water, and what’s being said is what’s above water,” explains Grant. “And if you think changing what’s being said is going to make the difference, then you’re not actually moving the iceberg, you’re just moving the ice around above the water.”

2. Identify hidden baggage that came before you. Sometimes you aren’t the reason why someone can’t hear you. Sometimes it’s baggage that’s projected onto you because of all the people and experiences the other party encountered before you.

Grant explains: “When I identify as an environmentalist, then all of the baggage, all of the background conversation around environmentalists immediately gets put onto me, so all of sudden I’m working through that, and I don’t even know that I’m working through that because I just met you.”

One of the ways you can get around this is identifying the baggage that came before you and is following you into conversations. You can do this by trying to imagine what the other party might think you stand for, what they might think you’re advocating for, and acknowledge it at the start of the conversation.

THE CONS OF NEVER DISAGREEING

Because disagreeing and conflict trigger the flight mode, and emotional stress is felt throughout the body, it’s natural to want to avoid it. But navigating those tough conversations are needed in our polarized world. It’s needed for diversity of thought and ideas. In organizations, disagreeing defeats groupthink, and that’s why the best teams know how to disagree and encourage it.

On an individual level, the art of disagreeing is needed lest we become a “yes” person to our superiors. And even if your boss isn’t directly telling you so, they want you to disagree when needed and bring something new to the table.

“It doesn’t always mean disagreeing,” Claman says, “but it does mean being prepared to disagree.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Vivian Giang is a business writer of gender conversations, leadership, entrepreneurship, workplace psychology, and whatever else she finds interesting related to work and play. You can find her on Twitter at @vivian_giang.

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FastCompany.com | October 9, 2018 

#Leadership : #Manager -Consider this Before you Become Friends with your #Boss ….Boss-Employee Relationships can be Complicated–Much More So than Between Colleagues Who are at the Same Level.

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Back in the day, I worked full-time for an electronics company where I got to collaborate with fun, creative colleagues and help design some really interesting products. Not only were my coworkers great, but my boss was also a downright wonderful human being with whom I got along really well–so well, in fact, that we started spending time together outside the office.

That generally meant going out to lunch together a few times a week or grabbing the occasional drink after work, and I was good with that. But when I decided to host a barbecue for a bunch of friends one summer, I was torn as to whether I should include my boss on the guest list.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s faced the “befriend the boss or not” dilemma. And frankly, my conflict was understandable. Boss-employee friendships can be complicated, much more so than relationships with workplace peers.

Maybe it was the imbalance of power at play that made me uneasy. Maybe it was my fear that if I angered my boss on a personal level, it would translate into an unpleasant work situation. And that’s why I toyed with that guest list–and the greater issue at hand–for quite some time.

Related: These are 4 types of bosses you’ll have, and how to deal with them 

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TO BEFRIEND YOUR BOSS OR NOT: THAT IS THE QUESTION

Establishing a friendship with a manager certainly has its benefits. For one thing, the closer you grow outside the office, the better your boss is likely to treat you inside the office. That means you might get a bit more slack when it comes to things like pushing back deadlines, leaving early as needed, or working from home. And while your boss will probably claim not to play favorites, the next time a promotion comes up, there’s a good chance your name will make it to the top of the list.

There’s also something to be said for getting to work directly with someone you relate to on a personal level. We spend so much time at the office that having a boss you consider a friend could make for a much more pleasant, fulfilling experience.

Related: The emotionally intelligent way to give feedback to your boss

But then there’s the downside to look at. Being friends with your boss means automatically commingling your work life and personal life. That’s not necessarily a healthy thing. Plus, if a personal conflict does arise, you’ll have to worry about its impact on your career.

Even if things never sour with your boss, your coworkers might come to resent the fact that you and your manager are buddies. And that could strain those relationships and hurt your career in other ways.

So what’s the solution? Mine was to keep our friendship casual. I would continue to join my boss for lunch or happy hour, but for the most part, we only socialized during or immediately after working hours. I also made a point not to share too many details with him about my personal life, and now that I think about it, he was equally guarded.

And frankly, that arrangement worked out well for us. Had I invited my boss to hang out at my home, it would’ve crossed a line I just wasn’t comfortable with, so instead, we maintained what I like to call a low-grade friendship.

Several months later, my manager left the company, and we stayed in touch for a while until he moved away and our communications grew increasingly sporadic. But whenever his name comes up, I think fondly of the time I spent working for him, all the while being grateful that I had the good sense not to add his name to that guest list.

 

FastCompany.com | August 10, 2018 | BY MAURIE BACKMAN—THE MOTLEY FOOL 3 MINUTE READ

#Leadership : #WorkPlace – All your #CoWorkers’ Weird Behavior, Explained…. A Psychologist Breaks Down the Three Factors that Drive most People’s Actions. Understand These, and your Colleagues’ Behavior Won’t Seem so Puzzling.

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Succeeding at work requires understanding other people’s actions and the motivations behind them: Did your colleague intentionally word her email in a way meant to undermine your credibility? Did your client fail to call back because he’s thinking of using another supplier? Did your boss pass you in the hallway without smiling because she’s angry at something you said in your last meeting?

There’s a good chance that, without realizing it, you habitually choose a particular type of explanation for other people’s behavior. And the one you tend to choose matters, because it determines how you react. If you misdiagnose the cause of someone’s actions, you run the risk of doing something that could make a situation worse. To avoid that, it helps to understand the primary factors that drive most people’s actions. Here are the top three worth thinking about anytime you’re puzzling over something a colleague might’ve done or said, and determining how best to respond.

Related: How these 4 different personality types find motivation

1. TRAITS

This is arguably the most common factor people use when thinking about other people’s behavior. A trait is a stable tendency someone displays in their interactions with the world. Many (but not all) of these traits reflect personality characteristics that guide people’s choices and actions. For example, you may assume your colleague said something to undercut your credibility because you know her to be manipulative. This tendency of hers corresponds to the common personality characteristic of Machiavellianism, which reflects the degree to which individuals try to manipulate others for their own gain.

Yet despite how often we use traits to explain others’ behaviors, psychological studies generally suggest that personality characteristics account for only around 20%–30% of differences in individuals’ behavior (and the real world, of course, is even messier than controlled studies). That means you probably need to look beyond traits to understand what other people are doing and why they’re doing it.

Related: These personality tests found things out that only my mom knows

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2. SITUATIONS

Situational circumstances play a big role in what people do and don’t do. So when you’re trying to evaluate what a coworker has done, you also need to think about the context in which they’ve done it. Suppose you left two messages for a client who hasn’t called you back. See if there’s anything you know about that client’s work that might help you figure out what’s going on. You might notice, for instance, that it’s toward the end of their fiscal year, and so they may be dealing with budgets.

Considering the context might sound like an easy or obvious thing to do, but our tendency to interpret events based on personality traits can make situational factors hard to see. To help you out, imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment: What might be going on around you that would lead you to act as that person did? Even if you can’t diagnose their behavior accurately this way, it may help you avoid assuming that the primary reason for their action was a trait.

3. GOALS

The third big determinant of someone’s actions is their current goals. Most of us overestimate our own impact on people’s behavior. As a result, we assume that we ourselves somehow figure into the explanation for why somebody’s acting in a particular way, when in reality we don’t. It’s much more likely they have some other goal in mind that’s driving what they do.

For example, your boss may have passed you in the hallway without smiling because she’s late for a meeting with a senior executive. She is isn’t angry at you for some prior comment (a situation), and she isn’t generally a cold person (a trait); she’s just mentally preparing for her next meeting (a goal) while on the run. So before jumping to conclusions about someone’s behavior, ask yourself what goals might lead them to act as they did.

As a general strategy, it’s smart to mentally cycle through the traits, situations, and goals that might be motivating your coworkers’ perplexing behavior. The more possibilities you consider, the better prepared you’ll be to respond effectively.

FastCompany.com | 08.01.18 | THE SCIENCE OF WORK

#Leadership : The #EmotionallyIntelligent way to Give #Feedback to your #Boss …Here’s an Approach to Raising Concerns with #Managers that won’t Feel Risky to You or Whiny to Them.

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No matter how much you like your boss or manager, there will always be some things about them (or the system) that you’d like to change. But speaking up about a problem or giving feedback to your superiors can feel awkward, to say the least. You don’t want to risk offending the people who hold your future in their hands.

As it turns out, sharing some constructive criticism with your boss is a lot easier with a little emotional intelligence. Here are a few tips and pointers to help you do it tactfully.

FIRST, SHORE UP YOUR REPUTATION

Different things bother different people, and in differing degrees. If you look at your colleagues, chances are you can distinguish the stoics and the whiners. The stoics come to work without complaint every day, no matter what’s going on. That doesn’t mean they aren’t bothered by things happening around them, they just keep it to themselves. The whiners, however, let everyone know when something bugs them, from small annoyances to major problems. And make no mistake: Your boss knows who those whiners are, too, even if she never passes along their complaints to her own higher-ups.

Obviously, you’ll be most effective at giving upward feedback if you have a reputation for complaining only about the big things that really matter. This way, when you do go to the boss with a problem or request, it will carry more weight; your boss knows it takes a lot to get you to say something. And if you think you might be a whiner, try writing down your complaints in a notebook without talking about them to other people at the office. This way you can still get them out of your head, but in a way that doesn’t risk your reputation.

 

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SCHEDULE A SEPARATE MEETING TO RAISE THE ISSUE

Your boss probably hears fewer complaints than you might think. Most people want to make a positive impression on their superiors. No matter how much they might complain among their own coworkers, few people actually take those complaints upward. (Then they’re puzzled about why things don’t change.) But as long as you’re respectful, chances are you’ll be sharing useful information that your boss might not know about otherwise.

The way you decide to bring it up depends on what you know about your boss, of course. Not every boss is equally amenable to feedback, and those who don’t take criticism well tend to earn reputations as prickly managers. In addition to tuning into these subtleties, you should also try to raise your issue in a meeting where there aren’t other pressing items on the agenda. Better yet, consider scheduling a short one-on-one just for this purpose. That way you won’t be tempted to delay sharing your feedback until the very end of some other meeting, when there won’t be enough time to provide details.

Friends of mine who are therapists have told me that clients often bring up the most important thing in the last couple minutes of a session. It can take people a long time to work up the courage to say what they really want to. By scheduling a quick meeting just to talk about your concern, you can’t hide it in the middle of lots of other information.

BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE

If you’re going to point out something that you think needs to change, talk about the problem as specifically as you can. If the issue has to do with a certain incident or event, focus on exactly what happened and who was involved. Stick to the facts, including how the event affected you–both your reaction and any consequences on your ability to get your work done–but avoid speculating about others’ motives or intentions.

The reason to be specific is that the alternative is you trying to diagnose what went wrong–which you shouldn’t do. There are two problems with stating why you think the problem arose rather than simply what it consists of: First, you likely have only partial knowledge about why things are done the way they are around the office. As a result, you may be missing key parts of the context when you give your explanation The more emotionally intelligent approach is simply to leave room for your boss’s judgment and perspective in determining the underlying causes of whatever issue you’re raising.

Second, some of your diagnoses rely on assumptions about what drives other people’s behaviors. There’s no surer way to get someone on the defensive than to ascribe a motive that they don’t recognize in themselves.

Take these three tips to heart and chances are you’ll stop feeling so anxious about raising important concerns with your boss–who might even start to rely on your helpful feedback, and even intentionally solicit it.

 

FastCompany.com | July 10, 2018

#Leadership : These are the Conversations you Need to Have as a #NewManager …First and Foremost, you Need to Focus on Building Trust Before you Announce any Sort of Grand Vision.

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It happened: You’re a new manager now. Perhaps it’s the first time you’re leading a team. Or you’re taking over a new team as a manager. Either way, that first meeting as a new manager is a daunting event. What should the agenda for that first meeting with the new team be? How should you set expectations as a new manager? Should you make prepare some sort of “new manager introduction speech”?

Time to Line Them Up?

First impressions are often lasting ones. And there’s no better time and place to solidify that impression than the first meeting with your entire team.

Whether you’re taking over a brand-new team, or you’re a first-time manager, here’s how to approach that first meeting. I’ll walk through what you should be thinking about, some things you can say, and some questions you can ask.

Related: 7 skills managers will need by 2025 

BUILD TRUST, DON’T CHART A VISION (YET)

The goal of this initial meeting with your new team isn’t to map out the vision for the next nine months or declare your mandate for change. You’ll have the space (and greater knowledge) to do both in the coming weeks. This first meeting is to establish trust and set the tone for the kind of team environment you wish to foster.

Specifically, as a new leader, you’ll want to internalize these goals for your first meeting:

  • Show you’re worthy of your team’s trust
  • Show that you’re humble and ready to learn
  • Show that your intention is to help

This may feel like a passive approach to your new leadership role at first. But keep in mind this one truth: You’re new. And your team will be skeptical of you (rightfully so). So, as tempting as it might be to come into a new team situation and project confidence, certainty, and a sense of direction, know that it will only be seen positively by your team if they trust you. Without trust, your confidence will seem arrogant, your certainty will seem oblivious, and your sense of direction will seem misguided. Nothing moves forward without trust.

Related: This is the link between employee motivation and their manager’s mental state

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GET TO KNOW YOUR TEAM MEMBERS–AND TAKE NOTES

This may be one of the most overlooked aspects for new managers: getting to know their team members, personally. Icebreakers can feel forced and trite–but I encourage you to spend some time in your first meeting asking at least a few get-to-know-you-questions to the group. (Here are the 25 best icebreaker questions we’ve found to work well, based on four years of data.) Take notes. Think about how you can incorporate their answers in future interactions, events, etc. For example, someone’s favorite food is ice cream? Consider bringing in ice cream to celebrate their birthday or work anniversary.

SHARE WHO YOU ARE, MORE THAN SURFACE-LEVEL STUFF

This isn’t about touting your accomplishments and expertise (though, of course, you can share those things in this first meeting if it feels right). Rather, when introducing yourself to the team, it’s a chance to expose who you really are–what motivates you, inspires you, and brings you fulfillment. The more your team knows of the real you, the more likely they are to trust you.

How to do this? Share your leadership philosophy: What do you see as the purpose of a manager? What do you value? Who do you look up to? What drew you to the organization? Share your intentions: That you are here to help, to help them do the best work of their careers, to get out of their way and support them to accomplish something greater. Share your personal interests: What do you like doing in your free time? What social causes or nonprofits do you support? Be mindful to make sure you don’t spend more than 25% of the meeting, tops, talking about yourself. In building trust, the last thing you want to do is come across as self-absorbed.

MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU’RE IN “LEARNING MODE”

If you want to build trust as a leader, you have to be vulnerable. You should let your team know that you don’t have all the answers and you have much to learn. This is one of the hardest parts of being a leader. As leaders, it feels like we’re supposed to have all the answers. Admitting that we don’t can feel like a blow to our sense of self. Yet exposing this vulnerability helps build trust in a team–it shows you’re humble, fallible, and human like the rest of us.

To do this, try saying something like this: “I am the new person here, and so all of you in this room know more than me. You carry with you insights and experiences that I don’t have. I am a sponge, and I aim to learn from all of you.” No need to beat yourself up and say that you’re ignorant, by any means. Essentially, you are saying that you’re “in learning mode” as a new leader. A learning mindset is one of the greatest ways to show vulnerability, and build trust with your team.

Related: This is my secret to giving empathetic criticism as a new manager

ASK 2 TO 4 PROBING, THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

The majority of your first meeting as a new manager should be spent asking a few key questions to your team as a group. I’d also strongly recommend setting up separate one-on-one time with each individual employee before or after the first team meeting to further learn what’s on their mind (whichever is most appropriate).

Here are some ideas for questions you can ask…

  • What do you want to change in this team?
  • What do you not want to change in this team?
  • What’s typically been taboo to talk about in the past? What have you been nervous to bring up?
  • What looming concerns or apprehension might you have?
  • What’s been the most frustrating thing to have encountered with the team lately?
  • Where do you see the biggest opportunity for improvement with the team?
  • How do you prefer to receive feedback? (Verbal, written, in-person)? How do you prefer to give feedback? (Verbal, written, in-person)?
  • What’s been the most motivating project you’ve worked on all year? With whom? And why?
  • What excites and energizes you about the company?
  • What are you most grateful for in being a part of this company?
  • What do you think has been a big obstacle to progress?
  • What do you wish was communicated to you more often?
  • When have you felt micromanaged? When have you felt like you’ve needed more support?
  • Who’s the best boss you’ve ever had and why? The worst boss you’ve ever had and why?
  • What was the best team experience for you? The worst team experience?
  • How do you like to be shown gratitude?
  • How often would you like to set up a standing one-on-one or check- in meeting? Every week? Biweekly? Once a month? Once a quarter?

If this list of questions overwhelms you, remember, you only need to pick two to four of these questions for the all-team meeting. Save the rest for your one-on-one follow-up conversations.

As you listen to the answers, there are a few things to pay particularly close attention to:

  • Listen for the things you can fix, solve, and knock out quickly. Is there a project that is deadweight? Is there a useless policy that’s slowing people down? The best way to build trust with your new team and show that you’re here to help is to actually help.
  • Listen for what people view as “success” and progress, and consider how you’re going to define and measure that. As a leader, one of your primary jobs will be to say what “success” is, and how well the team is doing to get there.
  • Listen for what people’s communication needs are. What do they feel in the dark about? How might people prefer you sharing what’s going on? How regularly will you need to set up touch points with team members?

BE PROACTIVE IN YOUR NEXT STEPS

As you wrap up your meeting, one of the worst things you can say as a new manager is this: “Feel free to stop by my office if you need anything.” Don’t say that. Why? You’re implying that if they have questions or concerns, they have to come to you. The burden is on them, not you. Instead, try saying: “In the next __ days, I’ll be setting up a time to meet with each of you. From there, based on your preferences, we can set a standing one-on-one time. In the meantime, if you want to meet anytime sooner, grab me in the hall, send me an email–I’d love to sit down sooner.” There’s a huge difference between the two statements. One is reactive and sounds lazy (the former), while the other sounds proactive and that you want to help (the latter). A strong way to end your first meeting is to show that you’re willing to come to them– that you won’t be waiting for them to bring up issues. You want to show as much proactiveness as possible.

BE PREPARED FOR TOUGH QUESTIONS

Note that you may get asked questions during your meeting such as, “What do you think you’ll change?” and “What do you see as the vision for the team?” Some might be tough to answer, especially with you being new. Be prepared to answer them honestly–and with a good dose of humility. There is much for you to learn. This is only Day 1, and the more you can level with your team that you’re here to learn from them about what the direction or what those changes should be, the better. You’re here to listen and to serve.

This is by no means comprehensive. Every team is different–from who managed the team before you, to the interpersonal dynamics at play, to the challenges that they’re facing with their work. You’ll likely need to tweak some of the question suggestions I offered, or some of the phrases I recommended. Regardless, I hope at the very least these tips give you a framework to start planning your first meeting as a new manager, and kick things off on the right foot.

Best of luck to you!

 

FastCompany.com | June 20, 2018 | BY CLAIRE LEW—KNOW YOUR COMPANY 8 MINUTE READ

 

 

Your #Career : 5 Things you Should Never Tell your #Boss (and What to Say Instead)…What you Say to your Boss can Impact your #CareerGrowth in the Company, So Choose your Words Wisely.

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Whether you’re lucky enough to have a great boss or have an uncomfortably rocky relationship with your manager, it pays to put some thought into your interactions. The language you use with your boss could end up dictating whether you get promoted, end up on the chopping block, or fall somewhere in between.

With that in mind, here are five phrases you should make an effort to avoid uttering to your boss–even if they seem appropriate on the spot.

1. “THAT’S NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION”

We all have our share of grunt work to tackle on the job, whether we’re entry-level assistants or senior-level executives. So if you’re asked to do something that’s outside your purview, don’t be so quick to push back. Rather, be a good sport and comply, especially if it’s the first time you’re being put in that position.

Furthermore, if you’re going to push back, do so on the basis of being too busy, as opposed to being too good for the lowly or undesirable task your manager attempts to assign. Saying, “I’m afraid that doing this will cause me to miss my project deadline” sounds a lot better than, “That’s not what you hired me to do.”

Related: Yes, you can still get stuff done with a hands-off boss 

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2. “THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAID”

In the course of our jobs, we’re often put in situations where there’s some miscommunication. But if that happens, and your boss calls you out for not following instructions, don’t bite back by insisting you’re in the right and he or she is in the wrong. Unless you have documented proof that your boss said what you claim he or she did, keep quiet.

Even if you have that proof–say, your manager sent instructions in writing, and is now backtracking and trying to put the blame on you–be polite about it. Pull up that email and say something like, “I really thought I was following these instructions precisely. Please show me where I went wrong, and let’s see how we can fix things.” It’ll spare your boss the embarrassment of being wrong, thus sparing you some backlash later on.

3. “IT’S NOT MY FAULT”

We all make mistakes at work. So if your boss calls you out on one, own up to it rather than deflect the blame. Even if you aren’t at fault, there’s a politically correct way to make that clear. For example, say your manager asks you to provide an estimate for a project, and you use your colleague’s inaccurate data to arrive at your own set of incorrect numbers. It’s easy enough to claim that you’re not at fault and point a finger at your coworker instead. But rather than go that route, say, “I should’ve done further diligence before relying on Bob’s numbers. I’ll be happy to run those calculations again and get you a more spot-on estimate.” This shows a degree of maturity that your manager will no doubt appreciate.

Related: How to talk to your boss about your career goals 

4. “IT CAN’T BE DONE”

Maybe your boss wants you to turn around a major report in two hours, when you know it would normally take five to get that sort of task done. Tempting as it may be to throw your hands up in the air and state that it can’t be done, find a way to get it done to some degree. You might say, “I can turn around the first half of this report in time, and then prioritize the remainder first thing tomorrow.” It’s not a yes, but it’s also not a no, and that might be just enough to appease your manager.

5. “IT’S NOT FAIR”

Here’s a news flash: Life isn’t fair, and that applies to office life as well. So yes, maybe you’re being asked to work late for the second time this month when your colleague who sits next to you has yet to be asked, but for the love of job security, don’t mouth off to your boss about how unjust that situation is. You never know what weight your other colleagues are pulling, and what they’re sacrificing to get their jobs done. You also may not know what rewards your boss is secretly planning for your solid effort (more money, perhaps), so before you complain about things being unfair, take a step back and try to power through.

Related: Four times your boss doesn’t want your input (and how to get heard anyway) 

Now if it becomes obvious that your boss is blatantly treating you unfairly–say, you’re always working late while every other member of your team clocks out at 5 p.m. consistently–then that gives you a leg to stand on. But think long and hard before moaning about one-off requests. And if you do complain, do so diplomatically. Try, “With all due respect, it seems like I’ve been pulling some long nights at the office lately. Can I help bring some other folks up to speed on these issues to better divvy up the load?”

Saying the wrong thing to your boss can come back to haunt you. Avoid these career-zapping phrases, and you’ll be a happier employee for it in the long run.

 

FastCompany.com | June 13, 2018 | BY MAURIE BACKMAN—THE MOTLEY FOOL 4 MINUTE READ

 

#Leadership : This is How to Deal with your #IncompetentCoworkers …You Know the Person who Doesn’t Pull their Weight? Here are a Few Dos and Don’ts to Getting Things to Change.

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In almost every workplace, there is bound to be someone who isn’t pulling their own weight.

When you’re an ambitious, hard-working employee who is committed to growing your career and the company, it’s frustrating to work with someone who seems interested in only doing  the bare minimum.

Here are the dos and don’ts of dealing with a lazy colleague.

DON’T: VENT YOUR FRUSTRATION TO YOUR COLLEAGUES

You probably know that talking bad about your colleagues is a no-no. But it’s easier to succumb to this temptation than you think. As Lydia Dishman previously wrote in Fast Company, it’s natural to want to blow off steam. But as Jeffrey Lohr, a professor at the University of Arkansas, told Dishman, venting anger is similar to “emotional farting in a closed area.” And instead of making you feel better, you’ll probably end up being angrier. And you definitely don’t want to be known as the ill-tempered person in the office.

 

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DO: TRY TO SEE THEIR POINT OF VIEW, AND ACT ACCORDINGLY

Admittedly, this is hard to do. But sometimes, you can get them to pull their own weight when you understand why they’re, well, not. As Alyse Kalishwrote for The Muse, people are motivated by different things. Kalish cited Gretchen Rubin’s “four tendencies,” which categorizes people into upholder, obliger, rebel, and questioner. Someone with a “rebel” tendency, for example, does not respond well to authority and needs to feel like they have complete autonomy of their actions. This means that when you phrase a request to them, you don’t do it as a command. Kalish gave the example, “Jill isn’t sure we can get the presentation done by this afternoon. What do you think?”

Related: How to be more assertive at work when that’s just not your personality 

DON’T: COMPLAIN TO YOUR BOSS WITHOUT TALKING TO YOUR COWORKER FIRST

As tempting as it is to rant to your coworkers, it’s also tempting to go running to your boss–particularly if you know that they think of you as a high performer. It’s not going to make you feel better, for starters. It can also make you sound petty, and as Ask a Manager‘s Alison Green pointed out, your boss might already be aware of the problem and is trying to do something about it. Perhaps it’s not having an effect, but you moaning it about it isn’t going to make a difference.

DO: FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL ABOUT THE SITUATION

So you’ve tried to adopt your ask based on your coworkers’s personality, but that doesn’t seem to be working. It’s true that ultimately, your coworker’s actions aren’t in your control, but your actions are. One thing that you can do, Kalish suggested, is offer to help them. She gave the following example as a way to start the conversation:  “Hey, I noticed you’ve been staring at your screen all day–I’m free for a bit, anything I can help out with?”

DON’T: CONSTANTLY OVERCOMPENSATE FOR THEIR LACK OF EFFORTS

You might be tempted to pick up your coworker’s slack if you’re not the confrontational type. After all, you don’t want to get in trouble for their lack of efforts and shoddy work, right? But as Courtney C.W. Guerra, author of Is This Working?: The Businesslady’s Guide to Getting What You Want From Your Career pointed out, this approach is only acceptable in two situations. The mistake (or work) is so minor and doesn’t take long to fix, or the colleague in question is just having a really bad day, and you want to help them out. When it doesn’t fall into those two situations, you’ll just make yourself more angry and resentful, and that can impact your work. Don’t let someone else’s laziness ruin your reputation.

Related: How to deal with a passive-aggressive coworker 

DO: KEEP A DOCUMENTATION OF YOUR WORK AND INTERACTION

When all else fails and you do need to bring it up with your manager, it always helps to have documentation. Whether it’s setting expectations with your coworker over email or writing down your conversations and evidence of their behavior, you need to make sure that it’s based on facts, not feelings. Yes, it can be hard to be objective when every part of you wants to call this person out. But as Maurice Schweitzer, coauthor of the book Friend & Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and When to Succeed at Both, previously told Fast Company, “If you lose your cool, you will be in danger of looking undignified.” Don’t put yourself at risk of that.

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FastCompany.com | June 7, 2018 | BY ANISA PURBASARI HORTON 3 MINUTE READ

 

#Leadership : ‘I Lost It’: The #Boss Who Banned Phones, and What Came Next… #Employers Limit Cellphone use to Regain Attentiveness. Workers use Watches and Laptops Instead.

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Two thousand six hundred seventeen times a day. That is how often the average person taps, pokes, pinches or swipes their personal phone.

It all adds up to about 2 hours and 25 minutes, according to a study by mobile app research firm Dscout Inc. And a good chunk of that time comes during work hours.

Jason Brown had had enough of it. Two years ago, the chief executive of Brown, Parker & DeMarinis Advertising paused for a moment to look across the meeting room as he delivered a presentation. The majority of those gathered were fiddling with their phones.

“I lost it,” says Mr. Brown.

In his anger, he issued a companywide edict:“Don’t show up at a meeting with me with your phone. If someone shows up with their phone, it’ll be their last meeting.”

Many managers are conflicted about how—or even whether—to limit smartphone use in the workplace. Smartphones enable people to get work done remotely, stay on top of rapid business developments and keep up with clients and colleagues. But the devices are also the leading productivity killers in the workplace, according to a 2016 survey of more than 2,000 executives and human-resource managers conducted by CareerBuilder, an HR software and services company.

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There is also some evidence that productivity suffers in the mere presence of smartphones. When workers in a recent study by the University of Texas and University of California had their personal phones placed on their desks—untouched—their cognitive performance was lower than when their devices were in another location, such as in a handbag or the pocket of a coat hanging near their workspace.

“I firmly believe that multitasking is a myth,” says Bill Hoopes, an IT project manager at L3 TechnologiesInc.

Mr. Hoopes put his convictions into practice at group gatherings when he took over a team of about 25 people at the aerospace defense company three years ago. “Every time someone’s phone went off, they had to stand for the rest of the meeting,” he says. Before long, he asked the group to leave their phones at their desks when two or more people got together.

Over time, he says, he has noticed not only an improvement in the quality of conversation and ideas in meetings, but also that his people seem to show more respect and appreciation for one another’s work.

Mat Ishbia, CEO of United Wholesale Mortgage, banned technology from meetings about two years ago and recently asked that his executive team and other managers not check their phones as they walk to and from meetings.

 “Don’t act like we’re too important to say hello,” he says he told them. “Make eye contact with people.”

Mr. Ishbia is now piloting another solution to phone addiction. A group of about 250 workers are part of an experiment in which they refrain from all personal phone use at their desks. If they want to use their devices they must go to a common area designated for phone use and socializing. Forty-five days into the trial run, workers are checking their phones a lot less, he said.

Bryan Lee, a product manager at enterprise software company Docker Inc., suspected that his daily phone use was a problem, so last month he installed an app called Moment on his iPhone that tracks the total amount of daily time he spent on his phone. His first measurement revealed four hours in a day. Since early April, he’s reduced that to roughly an hour.

At work, Mr. Lee persuaded his team of eight to download the app and post their daily phone hours on a whiteboard. The team member with the lowest time gets bragging rights.

“We’re thinking of having a trophy we can pass around—or maybe just shaming the loser,” he says.

Handheld devices can be a valuable source of information during office gatherings.  Shane Wooten, CEO of enterprise video platform company Vidplat LLC, recently surprised a group of corporate clients with a request that they leave their electronic devices outside. “They didn’t like it,” he says.

Since January, Mr. Wooten has limited personal devices at meetings with his employees and faced some resistance. Workers argue their phones are vital for staying in touch with a sick child or researching information relevant to the meeting.

“I told them we’re not in middle school,” he says. “I’m not collecting phones in a bucket. Just don’t have it out faceup on the table.”

Google Inc. announced last week that the next version of its operating system for Android phones will include a feature that is meant to help people who feel tethered to their devices. It will let users see how much time they spend on their phones, show which apps they use the most and display how often the phone gets unlocked.

Instead of phones, staffers wore smartwatches to meetings or brought their laptops, which were just as distracting, he says, adding that workers said they were worried about missing calls and emails from clients.

Now, he tells his 40 employees not to attend meetings unless they really have to be there and strongly advises they fully engage.

Mr. Brown missed his phone too and likened the experience to outlawing alcohol during the Prohibition era: “A theoretical state that almost no one wants to live in, including those making the rules,” he says.

Write to John Simons at John.Simons@wsj.com

 

WSJ.com | May 17, 2018 | John Simons

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