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#Leadership : #BossRelationship – Exactly What to Say in These 7 Difficult Conversations with your Boss. A Must REad!

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Nearly one-third of professionals admit they’d rather work an extra six hours a week than seek help in the workplace, according to a recent report from LinkedIn. This stands in sharp contrast to the number of professionals who said they’ve needed help at some point in their career.

An overwhelming majority (84%) of respondents confessed this, and among their chief concerns were dealing with stress, challenges with colleagues or managers, starting new projects, and making mistakes.

Of course, it’s easier to confide in a compassionate colleague, but be warned: If you avoid talking to your supervisor, you could be making things even worse.

If the thought of approaching your boss to ask for a raise, try your hand at a new project, or simply sharing some challenging feedback has you shaking in your shoes, take heart. We’ve asked a number of leaders to offer advice on what to say and how to say it. You’re welcome.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 1: “YOUR MANAGEMENT STYLE ISN’T WORKING FOR ME.”

The first step for the discussion is to be aware of how you’re feeling as an employee. Second, you need to reframe the conversation to be around learning and growing. Upward feedback isn’t an opportunity to tell off your manager, it’s an opportunity to help them become a better leader. Hold their success as your intention, and then clearly and directly share what you are seeing and what isn’t working. If you are genuinely connecting with your manager and caring about their future and their success, the manager will receive your feedback.–David Hassell, cofounder and CEO, 15Five

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 2: “I’M EXPECTING A BABY.”

Sharing the news that you’re pregnant should be as exciting at the workplace as it is with friends and family. But for too many women it’s an unnecessarily stressful conversation with their boss, usually out of uncertainty about the futures of their careers. Nearly twice as many women are nervous to tell their boss they’re pregnant than five years ago, according to Bright Horizons’ fifth annual Modern Family Index.

Before speaking with your boss, take some time to check in with yourself. Know the value you bring to your team and the company, and have an action plan in place for your maternity leave and return to the company. Most importantly, go into the conversation confident and with a positive attitude. This is a great opportunity for you to learn more about the benefits your company provides for expecting and new parents, and for preparing for a new phase in what it means to be able to bring your whole self to work.--Maribeth Bearfield, chief human resources officer, Bright Horizons

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DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 3: “I’VE MADE A MISTAKE.”

It’s important to address it honestly and take ownership. One of the most frustrating things as a manager is when someone immediately starts blaming everyone else instead of taking responsibility. Be solutions-oriented, sharing what happened and how you plan to fix it. I would also suggest sharing what you learned from the experience and what you’ll do to ensure it won’t happen again. This is a great opportunity to showcase your growth mind-set. Every single person makes mistakes. But you have the opportunity to show what kind of person and employee you are in how you address, fix, and learn from them.--Sarah Alpern, vice president of user experience, LinkedIn

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 4: “I WANT A RAISE. (BUT DEEP DOWN I DON’T FEEL LIKE I DESERVE IT.)”

Asking your boss or supervisor for a raise when you deal with imposter syndrome can feel scary–especially as you may feel alone in the doubt, fear, and questions you have about your abilities, skills, and contributions to the workplace. As a female leader, I often struggle with imposter syndrome and frequently doubt the accomplishments that I set out to achieve.

One tip to overcome this is to constantly write down your contributions and where you provide the most value in the workplace–ranging from small, tactical wins to big successes. Then, when you’re looking to ask for a raise, come to the meeting prepared with a set agenda and speak to the accomplishments or goals you’ve completed throughout your time as an employee. Showing the value you provide to your team and workplace when speaking to your manager will not only minimize the doubts that come along with imposter syndrome, but it will also emphasize your capability and worthiness of a raise or promotion.

Another great option is to look for those outside of your workplace who can cheer you on and provide words of encouragements before asking for a raise. For me, having my daughter as my biggest cheerleader and seeing in her eyes how proud she is of me gives me the energy and passion to keep going. Find those sources of energy for you and keep them in mind when you show up to work each day. When you come to work with positive energy and feel motivated, talking about uncomfortable topics with managers will become less challenging.--Andee Harris, president, YouEarnedIt/HighGround

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 5: “I GOT ANOTHER, BETTER JOB OFFER.”

If you want to keep your job, approach your boss with a shared problem–you’d like to stay, but the market price for people like you has gone up. And while you love your current work and responsibilities, you’d also like to care of your family/yourself. So ask if your current boss can take this compensation issue off the table by matching the competitive offer so that you can do the right thing. Warning: You only get to do this every two years or so until you’re considered a mercenary, so make sure it is worth bringing up with her or him.

If you want to leave, be pleasant, polite, and persistent. Say something like: ‘I’ve decided that what’s best for me for my career is that I’m going to be taking a new role at Acme. I thank you very much for your time and the experience here.’ Two weeks’ notice is still the bare minimum to be considered not burning your bridges. Offer to assist with the transition, and be firm that you’re not considering staying at this time.–Marc Cenedella, CEO of Ladders

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 6: “I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A NEW PRODUCT BUT DON’T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DEVELOP IT INDEPENDENTLY.”

You should always come from the perspective of driving value for your customers. Pitch the product or solution from the perspective of how this solution helps customers or users be more effective and efficient. From there, focus on clearly defined ownership, the best ways to collaborate, and overall resourcing. Bosses love to see plans that are well thought through and will be happy to support you as a result.–Maria Zhang, VP of engineering, LinkedIn

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 7: “I NEED HELP ASSESSING MY SKILLS SO I CAN DEVELOP AS A LEADER.”

While the role of your manager is to develop you and unlock your potential, it is also important for you to be thoughtful and proactive in your approach to your own career development. This starts with being self-aware and knowing what is expected of you in your role and how your success will be measured. When you meet with your manager, along with setting and checking on core goals for your role, share your perspective on where you want to grow, and how you’d like to accomplish that. Ask for your manager’s feedback and partnership to define ways to stretch yourself professionally. Don’t forget to then track your results and report on your progress. In addition, don’t count out your peers! If your colleague is a stellar salesperson, ask if you can shadow them. It helps to learn from the best.--Ty Heath, global lead, Market Development LMS

Regardless of the issue, know that you’re not alone. “Approaching difficult conversations with your manager is never easy, no matter what your relationship is like with your boss,” says Alexandra Clarke, director of recruiting for ForceBrands. Overall, she says, to ensure the direction of the conversation is healthy and productive, regardless of how tricky the topic, make sure you have a plan, purpose, and agendabefore you have the conversation.

Ask for feedback and advice where necessary, Clarke maintains, and always listen. Most importantly, she adds, be professional. “Be receptive and open to the idea that even if the meeting doesn’t go as planned, you were able to engage in a difficult conversation that won’t compromise or undermine your role,” Clarke explains, “and before leaving the discussion, suggest scheduling a follow-up meeting to regroup on the topic in a few days.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lydia Dishman is a reporter writing about the intersection of tech, leadership, and innovation. She is a regular contributor to Fast Company and has written for CBS Moneywatch, Fortune, The Guardian, Popular Science, and the New York Times, among others.

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FastCompany.com | January 30, 2019

#Leadership : These are the Conversations you Need to Have as a #NewManager …First and Foremost, you Need to Focus on Building Trust Before you Announce any Sort of Grand Vision.

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It happened: You’re a new manager now. Perhaps it’s the first time you’re leading a team. Or you’re taking over a new team as a manager. Either way, that first meeting as a new manager is a daunting event. What should the agenda for that first meeting with the new team be? How should you set expectations as a new manager? Should you make prepare some sort of “new manager introduction speech”?

Time to Line Them Up?

First impressions are often lasting ones. And there’s no better time and place to solidify that impression than the first meeting with your entire team.

Whether you’re taking over a brand-new team, or you’re a first-time manager, here’s how to approach that first meeting. I’ll walk through what you should be thinking about, some things you can say, and some questions you can ask.

Related: 7 skills managers will need by 2025 

BUILD TRUST, DON’T CHART A VISION (YET)

The goal of this initial meeting with your new team isn’t to map out the vision for the next nine months or declare your mandate for change. You’ll have the space (and greater knowledge) to do both in the coming weeks. This first meeting is to establish trust and set the tone for the kind of team environment you wish to foster.

Specifically, as a new leader, you’ll want to internalize these goals for your first meeting:

  • Show you’re worthy of your team’s trust
  • Show that you’re humble and ready to learn
  • Show that your intention is to help

This may feel like a passive approach to your new leadership role at first. But keep in mind this one truth: You’re new. And your team will be skeptical of you (rightfully so). So, as tempting as it might be to come into a new team situation and project confidence, certainty, and a sense of direction, know that it will only be seen positively by your team if they trust you. Without trust, your confidence will seem arrogant, your certainty will seem oblivious, and your sense of direction will seem misguided. Nothing moves forward without trust.

Related: This is the link between employee motivation and their manager’s mental state

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GET TO KNOW YOUR TEAM MEMBERS–AND TAKE NOTES

This may be one of the most overlooked aspects for new managers: getting to know their team members, personally. Icebreakers can feel forced and trite–but I encourage you to spend some time in your first meeting asking at least a few get-to-know-you-questions to the group. (Here are the 25 best icebreaker questions we’ve found to work well, based on four years of data.) Take notes. Think about how you can incorporate their answers in future interactions, events, etc. For example, someone’s favorite food is ice cream? Consider bringing in ice cream to celebrate their birthday or work anniversary.

SHARE WHO YOU ARE, MORE THAN SURFACE-LEVEL STUFF

This isn’t about touting your accomplishments and expertise (though, of course, you can share those things in this first meeting if it feels right). Rather, when introducing yourself to the team, it’s a chance to expose who you really are–what motivates you, inspires you, and brings you fulfillment. The more your team knows of the real you, the more likely they are to trust you.

How to do this? Share your leadership philosophy: What do you see as the purpose of a manager? What do you value? Who do you look up to? What drew you to the organization? Share your intentions: That you are here to help, to help them do the best work of their careers, to get out of their way and support them to accomplish something greater. Share your personal interests: What do you like doing in your free time? What social causes or nonprofits do you support? Be mindful to make sure you don’t spend more than 25% of the meeting, tops, talking about yourself. In building trust, the last thing you want to do is come across as self-absorbed.

MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU’RE IN “LEARNING MODE”

If you want to build trust as a leader, you have to be vulnerable. You should let your team know that you don’t have all the answers and you have much to learn. This is one of the hardest parts of being a leader. As leaders, it feels like we’re supposed to have all the answers. Admitting that we don’t can feel like a blow to our sense of self. Yet exposing this vulnerability helps build trust in a team–it shows you’re humble, fallible, and human like the rest of us.

To do this, try saying something like this: “I am the new person here, and so all of you in this room know more than me. You carry with you insights and experiences that I don’t have. I am a sponge, and I aim to learn from all of you.” No need to beat yourself up and say that you’re ignorant, by any means. Essentially, you are saying that you’re “in learning mode” as a new leader. A learning mindset is one of the greatest ways to show vulnerability, and build trust with your team.

Related: This is my secret to giving empathetic criticism as a new manager

ASK 2 TO 4 PROBING, THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS

The majority of your first meeting as a new manager should be spent asking a few key questions to your team as a group. I’d also strongly recommend setting up separate one-on-one time with each individual employee before or after the first team meeting to further learn what’s on their mind (whichever is most appropriate).

Here are some ideas for questions you can ask…

  • What do you want to change in this team?
  • What do you not want to change in this team?
  • What’s typically been taboo to talk about in the past? What have you been nervous to bring up?
  • What looming concerns or apprehension might you have?
  • What’s been the most frustrating thing to have encountered with the team lately?
  • Where do you see the biggest opportunity for improvement with the team?
  • How do you prefer to receive feedback? (Verbal, written, in-person)? How do you prefer to give feedback? (Verbal, written, in-person)?
  • What’s been the most motivating project you’ve worked on all year? With whom? And why?
  • What excites and energizes you about the company?
  • What are you most grateful for in being a part of this company?
  • What do you think has been a big obstacle to progress?
  • What do you wish was communicated to you more often?
  • When have you felt micromanaged? When have you felt like you’ve needed more support?
  • Who’s the best boss you’ve ever had and why? The worst boss you’ve ever had and why?
  • What was the best team experience for you? The worst team experience?
  • How do you like to be shown gratitude?
  • How often would you like to set up a standing one-on-one or check- in meeting? Every week? Biweekly? Once a month? Once a quarter?

If this list of questions overwhelms you, remember, you only need to pick two to four of these questions for the all-team meeting. Save the rest for your one-on-one follow-up conversations.

As you listen to the answers, there are a few things to pay particularly close attention to:

  • Listen for the things you can fix, solve, and knock out quickly. Is there a project that is deadweight? Is there a useless policy that’s slowing people down? The best way to build trust with your new team and show that you’re here to help is to actually help.
  • Listen for what people view as “success” and progress, and consider how you’re going to define and measure that. As a leader, one of your primary jobs will be to say what “success” is, and how well the team is doing to get there.
  • Listen for what people’s communication needs are. What do they feel in the dark about? How might people prefer you sharing what’s going on? How regularly will you need to set up touch points with team members?

BE PROACTIVE IN YOUR NEXT STEPS

As you wrap up your meeting, one of the worst things you can say as a new manager is this: “Feel free to stop by my office if you need anything.” Don’t say that. Why? You’re implying that if they have questions or concerns, they have to come to you. The burden is on them, not you. Instead, try saying: “In the next __ days, I’ll be setting up a time to meet with each of you. From there, based on your preferences, we can set a standing one-on-one time. In the meantime, if you want to meet anytime sooner, grab me in the hall, send me an email–I’d love to sit down sooner.” There’s a huge difference between the two statements. One is reactive and sounds lazy (the former), while the other sounds proactive and that you want to help (the latter). A strong way to end your first meeting is to show that you’re willing to come to them– that you won’t be waiting for them to bring up issues. You want to show as much proactiveness as possible.

BE PREPARED FOR TOUGH QUESTIONS

Note that you may get asked questions during your meeting such as, “What do you think you’ll change?” and “What do you see as the vision for the team?” Some might be tough to answer, especially with you being new. Be prepared to answer them honestly–and with a good dose of humility. There is much for you to learn. This is only Day 1, and the more you can level with your team that you’re here to learn from them about what the direction or what those changes should be, the better. You’re here to listen and to serve.

This is by no means comprehensive. Every team is different–from who managed the team before you, to the interpersonal dynamics at play, to the challenges that they’re facing with their work. You’ll likely need to tweak some of the question suggestions I offered, or some of the phrases I recommended. Regardless, I hope at the very least these tips give you a framework to start planning your first meeting as a new manager, and kick things off on the right foot.

Best of luck to you!

 

FastCompany.com | June 20, 2018 | BY CLAIRE LEW—KNOW YOUR COMPANY 8 MINUTE READ

 

 

#Leadership : 14 Signs your Employees Secretly Hate You…If you’ve Been Labeled a “Bad Boss,” you’ll Probably Be the Last to Know.

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“Your staff will be very adept at making it a well-kept secret because they will do everything to keep their job security intact,” says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of “Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job.”

Free- Bench on a Lonely Beach

“But if you decide to boost your emotional-intelligence radar and look for subtle signs that your team may be unhappy, you’ll uncover a wealth of actionable feedback.”

Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of “The Humor Advantage,” agrees that it’s important to know how your employees feel about you. When they don’t like you, there are consequences, he says. For instance, they’ll be less happy and more stressed (which affects things like their productivity and creativity); they may quit on you (which will cost you and your company time and money); they may give you bad reviews or complain to HR (which puts your job in jeopardy); and you’ll have trouble earning their respect, being viewed as credible, and getting them to listen to your opinions.

“Your goal as a manager is not to be liked by everyone; if it is, you won’t be making the best decisions for the company,” says Taylor. “But if you’re an insensitive manager, no amount of intelligence or business skills will ever take you far in your own career advancement. You will always need a strong team and following to thrive in your career.”

So to avoid having to deal with those consequences, among many others, you’ll need to recognize the signs and make changes to your behavior, attitude, and approach to leading.

Here are 14 subtle signs your employees may secretly hate you:

 

You’ve got a (bad) gut feeling.

You've got a (bad) gut feeling.

Soon/flickr

“The very first sign that things are going awry in your relationships with employees is a general gnawing feeling that you can’t put your finger on,” Taylor says. “No manager can be liked by everyone, but there are far too many bosses who are not respected by enough of their staff.” If you’ve got that gut feeling something is off, be aware and start looking for other signs.

 

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They can’t maintain eye contact with you (but can with everyone else).

They can't maintain eye contact with you (but can with everyone else).

Bradley Gordon

It’s difficult for an employee who is angry to look you straight in the eye, says Taylor. “They’re afraid that you may be able to detect hostility, so the path of least resistance is for them to look away or avoid being around you wherever possible.”

 

They avoid you like the proverbial plague.

They avoid you like the proverbial plague.

Andy Morales/flickr

If you notice they take the stairs every time you’re waiting for the elevator, or they manage their schedules in such a way that they rarely overlap with your primary work hours, that’s a good sign they’re avoiding you. And employees typically only avoid people who intimidate them or who they don’t like, says Kerr.

 

They call in sick a lot, especially due to stress-related reasons.

They call in sick a lot, especially due to stress-related reasons.

Flickr/Laura Taylor

Having an employee who goes on “stress leave” or constantly calls in sick could be a sign that they are not comfortable working under your direction, Kerr explains.

“Your employee(s) may not be showing up at work as often, may come to work late, leave early, or are just seemingly never at their desks, because of long, needed breaks,” adds Taylor. “Leaving the scene can take many forms — and it’s a common way that your staff copes with stress. A bad boss-employee relationship is a leading cause of stress and illness,” she says.

 

They don’t smile around you.

They don't smile around you.

Flickr / Leo Hidalgo

We’re not talking about the occasional bad day or mood swing. If one or more of your employees seem to look miserable every time they’re around you — but you’ve seen them smiling while talking to others in the office — something isn’t right.

“It’s difficult for any employee to put on a happy face when they’re talking to someone they [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][dislike],” says Taylor.

 

They stop laughing and bantering the moment you walk into the room.

They stop laughing and bantering the moment you walk into the room.

Daniel Goodman / Business Insider

Not smiling when they’re around you is one thing — but clamming up when you step into the office kitchen or conference room is a pretty strong sign that your employees reallydon’t like you and don’t consider you part of their inner circle, Kerr says.

 

They seem less passionate about their work than they used to be.

They seem less passionate about their work than they used to be.

Flickr/sunshinecity

You may not be the reason for this (so many things affect one’s level of motivation or enthusiasm at work) — but you could be.

“If their level of enthusiasm has waned, and you’re not seeing your staff jump at the opportunity to help out on new or existing projects anymore, it may be a sign you’re disliked,” says Taylor.

 

They never invite you to social events.

They never invite you to social events.

Flickr / beyrouth

If your employees don’t include you in any after-work social events or happy hours, it very well may be because they don’t want to spend any more time with you than they absolutely have to.

 

They communicate with you via email, when they talk to others in person.

They communicate with you via email, when they talk to others in person.

Shutterstock

“Your unhappy employees may change the way they communicate with you, such as through email, voicemail, or IM, instead of in-person communications,” Taylor explains. “You may detect less personal contact, so that there is less of an opportunity for potential confrontation.”

 

They’re short with you.

They're short with you.

Vancouver Film School/flickr

If you ask, “How’s it going?” and they always respond with “Ok” or “Fine” — or if their emails to always get straight to the point, and never begin with a friendly “Hello” or “Good afternoon,” this may be a sign they’re not a huge fan of you.

“If your employees are beginning to sound like your moody teenager, then that’s a pretty big red flag,” says Kerr.

 

They give off negative body language.

They give off negative body language.

YouTube

Whether it’s a subtle eye roll or constantly assuming a closed-off position with arms folded across their chest, your employees’ body language will often reveal their true feelings towards you, Kerr says.  

 

Their door is always closed.

Their door is always closed.

A National Acrobat/flickr

“Many employees don’t have the luxury of their own office these days, but if they do, and their door appears closed more often than not, they may be commiserating with friends, family, or even other colleagues,” Taylor says. “They may be seeking advice, or worse, checking out greener pastures.”

 

They constantly disagree with you.

They constantly disagree with you.

Leonid Mamchenkov/flickr

“Not all employees shy away from confronting the personality clashes as they pertain to business, thankfully,” says Taylor. “You may find that your staff seems increasingly more difficult and disagreeable, whereas before you were never questioned. This may be because before, they tolerated a more dictatorial management style — but now they’ve realized that they have nothing to lose by challenging you, in the hopes that they will see changes.”

 

They resign for no good reason.

They resign for no good reason.

YouTube/Marina Shifrin

Scads of surveys indicate that “the boss” still ranks as a top reason for employees leaving a job. If they don’t provide a good excuse or reason for leaving, there’s a good chance it’s you.

 

Businessinsider.com | September 2, 2016 |  

 

 

 

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