Posts

#YourCareer : Follow These 5 Steps to Make Your Next Difficult Conversation Easier. Great to Read & Share!

/in /by

As a police sergeant, defensive tactics instructor, and member of the regional crisis negotiation team (outside of Boston, Massachusetts), Din Jenkins in no stranger to difficult conversations and high-stakes scenarios. Jenkins is also the CEO of his own company, Supply the Why, which focuses on conflict resolution and DEI training.

In recent years, Jenkins has found himself facilitating a number of difficult conversations between police and civilians regarding the appropriate use of force and other tactics. He joined Negotiate Anything to share his simple, five-step framework for successfully navigating conversations where the subject matter may be especially sensitive or difficult.

Start Small

According to Jenkins, some of our most difficult conversations are those that are emotionally charged and/or involve a highly polarizing topic. Because these conversations can’t be avoided, especially in today’s society, it’s important to approach them in a manner that will be safe for all involved.

Start with a small group; a one-on-one conversation is ideal. The goal is to avoid large groups where multiple people’s ideas align and one or two people feel outnumbered or ganged up on.

“We tend to gravitate towards people who share our ideologies and values,” Jenkins shared.

In emotionally-charged conversations, this can lead to a pack mentality and ultimately, an unproductive (and potentially highly confrontational) conversation.

 

Like this Article?  Share It!    You now can easily enjoy/follow/share Today our Award-Winning Articles/Blogs with Now Over 2.5 Million Growing Participates Worldwide in our various Social Media formats below:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-g-laughter-b46389198/

Twitter: Follow us @ firstsunllc

Best Daily Choice: Follow the Best of FSC Career Articles/Blogs @

https://twitter.com/search?q=bestoffscblog&src=typeahead_click

Question: Want the ‘the best/current articles/blogs on the web’ on Job Search, Resume, Advancing/Changing your Career, or simply Managing People?

Answer: Simply go to our FSC Career Blog below & Type(#Jobsearch, #Resume, or #Networking) in Blog Search:  https://www.firstsun.com/fsc-career-blog/

What Skill Sets Do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

Did you know?  First Sun Consulting, LLc (FSC) is celebrating over 30 years in the delivery of corporate & individual outplacement services & programs to over 1200 of our corporate clients in the U.S., Canada, UK, & Mexico!  

We here at FSC want to thank each of our corporate partners in the opportunity in serving & moving each of their transitioning employee(s) rapidly toward employment!

 

Article continued …

 

Be Realistic

It’s important to remember that complex situations cannot and will not be solved in one conversation. From reproductive rights to foreign affairs, there is no shortage of complex issues to discuss in today’s world.

To solve some of these problems and the associated tensions, difficult conversations are necessary. That said, realistic goals should be set from the start. One of the best ways to do this is to acknowledge that a follow-up conversation (or multiple) will likely need to be had. Then, allow the first conversation to be all about exchanging ideas and building trust.

“Once you have that foundation of trust, people feel safe to have more of these conversations,” Jenkins explained.

 

Stay Focused on One Topic

When we’re involved in highly emotional discussions, it can be hard to stay focused on one topic. Once our emotions become triggered, logic and rational thought sometimes go out the window.

“This is the one that really requires the greatest amount of internal discipline,” Jenkins said.

To keep the conversation on track, and avoid any potential attacks, slow down and try to stay on one topic at a time. Then, take the opportunity to let your conversation partner ask their questions and seek clarification.

Do Your Homework

In emotionally-charged conversations, especially where issues related to identity are being discussed, participants will often want to validate their argument with data.

With a long career in law enforcement, Din is familiar with this tactic but advises against it. Not only can statistics be manipulated to support varying sides of the same argument, but should those stats be incorrect or misrepresented, trust will likely be compromised.

Not only do you lose credibility but this can also cause the opposite side to retreat back into defensiveness.

While Jenkins generally advises against the use of data, he has advice on how to safely incorporate facts into the conversation.

 

“The best way: let everybody get their turn talking,” He explained. “You have to be patient and there has to be that trust that both people will get the opportunity to present.

 

Don’t Try to Win the Conversation

Finally, though it seems counterintuitive, Jenkins encourages people to enter the conversation with a collaborative mindset (where possible).

Because so many of these conversations involve highly-sensitive topics and passionate people, oftentimes the focus of the conversation becomes “winning” or proving that one perspective is best.

When dealing with complicated matters like politics and race, it’s unrealistic to expect to change somebody’s opinion in one conversation. Rather than viewing the discussion as an argument or debate, seek to exchange ideas and thought processes. Then plan to follow up at a later time.

Equally important is identifying your personal goal in the conversation. Oftentimes these discussions take place because two or more people will be interacting on a regular basis (at work or in social environments) or because one or more parties are seeking mutual understanding in a close, personal relationship.

If this is the case, mutual understanding and respect should certainly be one goal. That said, take time to discuss your hopes for the conversation and future relationship.

 

Forbes.com | August 23, 2022 |  Kwame Christian

 

#Leadership : #ConflictManagement -The Simple 4-Step Process to Resolve #Conflicts at Work. #MustRead !

/in /by

There are a few simple steps to every conflict resolution process, which can you can use for disputes between coworkers or between supervisors and employees.

These steps comprise the acronym LEAD—Listen, Empathize, Acknowledge (and Apologize), and Do something.

1. LISTEN

Every conflict resolution process begins with listening. It might sound simple, but it tends to be one of the more difficult things for many people to do. This is especially the case for leaders at work who prefer to move past problems quickly by avoiding confrontation or jumping straight into the solution.

You won’t craft an effective solution without actively listening to people. That means no presuppositions or assumptions, and being curious about what they may be experiencing—whether or not you agree with them.

Like this Article ?  Share It !You now can easily enjoy/follow/share Today our Award Winning Articles/Blogs with Now Over 2.5 Million Growing  Participates Worldwide in our various Social Media formats below:

FSC LinkedIn Network:   www.linkedin.com/in/fscnetwork

Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/First-Sun-Consulting-LLC-Outplacement-Services/213542315355343?sk=wall

Twitter: Follow us @ firstsunllc

Question: Want the ‘the best/current articles/blogs on the web’ on Job Search, Resume, Advancing/Changing your Career, or simply Managing People?

Answer: Simply go to our FSC Career Blog below & type job search, resume, networking ) in Blog Search: https://www.firstsun.com/fsc-career-blog/

What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

Continue of article

2. EMPATHIZE

Now it’s time to take what you heard and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Remember, this does not mean you have to agree with their assessment. You do, however, need to understand how they feel about a situation. What might they be going through? What feelings are beneath the words they are saying? How does it feel to experience those emotions?

Regardless of how they saw the situation, it’s essential to acknowledge that they’re experiencing powerful emotions. You might not be able to relate to why they’re feeling that way, but you can probably relate to how sadness or anger or fear feel. So, do your best to focus on the underlying feelings rather than the story.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE (AND APOLOGIZE)

Next, we take empathy one step further and vocalize what we sense is going on for the individual. In other words, you are going to acknowledge their underlying feelings. Some people call this labeling, reflecting, or paraphrasing. The idea is to recognize and validate the other’s feelings about the particular situation. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to agree with the content of their story or their assessment of the situation. You’re just letting them know they have been heard and understood.

It may sound something like, “I can tell how upset you are.” Or “You’re angry, and I get it.” Or “Wow, that sounds seriously scary. You must have been afraid.” Acknowledging that you understand what they are feeling helps people drop their guards, and as a result, can become more open to working with you on a solution. Until someone feels heard and validated, it’s pretty difficult for them to move past the feeling and into a more solution-focused mindset.

Now, if you were part of the problem they are bringing up, then it may be necessary for you to apologize. Apologies go a long way in helping people feel validated. Again you can apologize and own your actions without necessarily agreeing with their assessment or story. Apologies and agreement can be mutually exclusive.

Make the apology about you—your actions—not about them. Never, for instance, apologize for how they feel or how they’re reacting. “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you saw it like that” are truly ways of discounting their feelings, negating any acknowledgment or validation you are aiming for. Instead, own your role. For example, “I’m sorry I said that without considering how it might make you feel” or “I apologize for doing that. I didn’t realize how it might come off.” Notice that you don’t have to say “you’re right” or “I agree.” Just own your role, what you did, and where you fell short. However, if you do agree with their assessment, then let them know. And then tell them what you’re going to do about it.

4. DO SOMETHING

Now, you can move into the solution. After all, you also want to make it clear that something will change, so this won’t happen again in the future. Let them know you’re not just there to hear them, but also to be their partner and ally in addressing the situation.

You may suggest a solution and ask if that would be sufficient. For instance, “I’m going to talk to the director and see if we can officially change that policy. Would that solve the problem?” Or “What if I make an announcement to the team to assure everyone understands the policy. Do you think that would be enough?” When you do this, you’re signaling that their feelings and perspectives matter. Allow space for them to make additional suggestions to your proposed solution.

If you’re not clear on an appropriate solution, you can ask what they would like. It may sound like: “What can I do to make this right?” Or “How can I help fix this?”

Resolving conflict starts with making people feel heard. Your employees must know that they have a voice, and feel safe about sharing their experiences. While you might not always agree with what they think, it is crucial to acknowledge their feelings and viewpoints. When they feel like they have some control over their situation, you’ll be surprised at just how open and cooperative they can be.

Author: Jeremy Pollack is the founder of Pollack Peacebuilding and an anthropologist and conflict-resolution consultant in Silicon Valley. 

 

FastCompany.com | September 28, 2019

#Leadership : #ConflictResolution – 5 Signs that you’re Being Manipulated in the #Workplace .

/in /by

You’re nervous or dread going to work because you don’t know what to expect from your boss. Half the time, they are a wonderful person and mentor, but the other half of the time, they turn into a completely different person. You are scared to share your thoughts and ideas in a meeting for fear of retribution or backlash. You have a coworker offer to do a favor, but then they make you obligated and indebted to them. You confide in a colleague at work only to have them use it against you in a complete violation of trust.

In all these cases, you are being manipulated—and you may not even realize it. The thing is, manipulation is all about control. It is used to gain power in a situation, enabling one side to have all the advantage, while the other feels demoralized. The person controls your behaviors and decisions to get what he or she wants. The result is a toxic environment that is not only demoralizing but also derails your success.

How do we prevent that from happening? I’ve coached thousands on the topic of toxic relationships through courses and training, and I’ve learned that the first thing you need to do is recognize the signs in the first place.

Below are five signs you are being manipulated.

1. YOU OFTEN CRY OR FEEL DEPRESSED AROUND THIS PERSON

This is the ultimate sign that something bigger is going on. In the beginning, you may not even know it’s happening because you are constantly conceding to their demands or so-called needs, and you’re limiting your voice as you go through this. But sooner or later you’ll get beaten down. Your self-esteem drops, you lose confidence, and your overall demeanor changes.

I’ve done a tremendous amount of work with business owners for the past 15 years who have had some terrible relationship problems. The toxic relationship hampered their ability to earn money, advance their career, or assert their values. It just holds them down emotionally and ultimately ends up holding them down financially.

Like this Article ?  Share It !You now can easily enjoy/follow/share Today our Award Winning Articles/Blogs with Now Over 2.5 Million Growing  Participates Worldwide in our various Social Media formats below:

FSC LinkedIn Network:   www.linkedin.com/in/fscnetwork

Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/First-Sun-Consulting-LLC-Outplacement-Services/213542315355343?sk=wall

Twitter: Follow us @ firstsunllc

Question: Want the ‘the best/current articles/blogs on the web’ on Job Search, Resume, Advancing/Changing your Career, or simply Managing People?

Answer: Simply go to our FSC Career Blog below & type job search, resume,networking) in Blog Search: https://www.firstsun.com/fsc-career-blog/

What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

Continue of article:

2. YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO THE PERSON

Obligation is a form of manipulation. It takes many shapes, including returning a favor or agreeing to do something that makes you uncomfortable. If you don’t bow to their demands, they’ll find a way to make you feel guilty, even if you have a good reason.

It is a business killer of the worst kind because it traps you in a place where you’re not free to do the things that you need to do in your business or career. If a person begins to fall into a place where they feel extremely obligated about something, they’re going to be hesitant to make new agreements to avoid taking on more obligations.

3. YOU HAVE CHANGED TO SUIT THE RELATIONSHIP

You may have changed your behavior, approach, or even morals based on a manipulative relationship. Yet, the person is still not satisfied.

This kind of toxicity is one where you can never make somebody happy—no matter what you do or who you are. When a person is coming from the place that causes this problem, you will never be at ease. There is always a heaviness about the relationship that makes a person consistently uncomfortable.

4. YOU CAN’T PREDICT THE PERSON’S REACTION

Manipulators are sweet one minute and mean the next. Now, I’m talking about more somebody just being angry or upset about something—their behavior always blindsides you, and you never see it coming. You ask yourself, “What did I do? Did I do something wrong? What did I do wrong?” More often than not, you did nothing wrong. Their reaction doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with something you did or did not do. They may be having a bad day or are upset by something, and they’re choosing to make you the scapegoat.

5. YOU FEEL DEVALUED

It doesn’t matter what your opinion is; they devalue it. They say, “You’re stupid,” “You’re an idiot,” or “That’s a stupid idea.” They make it clear that your opinion is not wanted. They can also do this if you are recognized for an achievement, by saying, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You didn’t really deserve it.”

They can also do this in subtle ways by not looking at you when you’re speaking or trying to talk over you. Everybody has experienced the conversation where you’re telling somebody something, and over the top of your communication, they’re saying, “Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.” They don’t hear you. They’re devaluing you.

HOW TO STOP WORKPLACE MANIPULATION

The best way to stop workplace manipulation is to do everything you can to prevent it from happening in the first place. It’s important to set boundaries from the start and explain that you’re not going to adjust things in your behavior that are important to you.

If you are already in a manipulative workplace relationship, take time to reset expectations with the individual. And if that doesn’t work, it’s probably a conversation that you need to bring up with HR.

Author: David Neagle is the founder of the multimillion-dollar global coaching companyLife Is Now, Inc.

 

FastCompany.com | August 9, 2019

#Leadership – #ProductivePeople – 3 Ways to Deal with Conflict More Productively. A #MustRead !

/in /by

When you think of conflict, what comes to mind? Is it something that you try to avoid? Something you dread? Do you associate it with words like ‘somebody gets hurt’ or ‘fighting’?

The thing is, conflict is an inescapable part of life. You shouldn’t ask yourself, “Will I experience conflict?” but rather, “How will I manage conflict when it happens?”

WHAT IS CONFLICT?

Generally, there are two ways to “work it out” in a conflict: manage it alone, or with others. Conflict resolution books tend to lean into the latter with communication, problem-solving, and collaboration as the primary means of handling conflict. Proven tactics in this domain include:

  • Separating the person from the problem
  • Using “I” instead of “You” statements
  • Asking open-ended questions
  • Using active listening
  • Differentiating interest from positions
  • Coming up with options for mutual benefit

However, there isn’t a lot of of literature on self-managing disputes. This is surprising, as a conflict is first and foremost a perception of incompatibility, which begins and (frequently) ends in our minds.

Conditions like power asymmetries, conflict anxiety, and poor timing prevent us from addressing difficulties with others. But few of us are naturally equipped with the tools to self-manage conflict, and so we end up telling ourselves problematic stories that make everything worse.

Don’t do that. Instead, try one of these three methods ahead.

1. TO TAME IT, NAME IT

Negative emotions are the glue that holds a conflict together. People often speak of “losing” their temper or having a feeling get the “best” of them. These phrases demonstrate the power and pull that emotions can have in a conflict.

One of the simplest and most effective ways to take control of your emotions is to give them a label. Research shows that labeling an emotion—in contrast to suppressing or shouting it—reduces its intensity. Naming the feeling allows you to regain composure, rethink the problem, and make better decisions.

Research also indicates that people who regulate emotions best are those who can go beyond the surface. Instead of just saying, “I’m feeling angry,” they recognize and label the nuances of their feelings (i.e., betrayal, disrespect, disappointment, stuck, frustration, etc.).

Susan David, the best-selling author of Emotional Agility, recommends asking yourself the following questions when you feel emotions taking over:

  • What is it that I’m experiencing exactly?
  • What is the emotion beneath the emotion?
  • What are two other emotions that I’m experiencing?

 

Like this Article ?  Share It !You now can easily enjoy/follow/share Today our Award Winning Articles/Blogs with Now Over 2.5 Million Growing  Participates Worldwidein our various Social Media formats below:

FSC LinkedIn Network:   www.linkedin.com/in/fscnetwork

Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/First-Sun-Consulting-LLC-Outplacement-Services/213542315355343?sk=wall

Twitter: Follow us @ firstsunllc

Question: Want the ‘the best/current articles/blogs on the web’ on Job Search, Resume, Advancing/Changing your Career, or simply Managing People?

Answer: Simply go to our FSC Career Blog below & type(#career, #leadership, #life) in Blog Search: https://www.firstsun.com/fsc-career-blog/

What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

Continue of article:

2. TELL A BETTER STORY

Many of us also prolong conflicts by telling ourselves problematic stories.

Pause for a moment, and think about the last significant conflict you experienced:

  • Did it have a beginning, middle, and end?
  •  How did it start? Who initiated it?
  • Who were the characters: the hero, villain, victim, rescuer?
  • What are the central themes: (in)justice, power, respect, betrayal?

When we experience conflict, we default into storytelling mode. We spin narratives with plotlines and often reduce the other person into a not-so-great human being. We say things like, “John is such a jerk. He went out of his way to embarrass me”; “Olivia keeps shooting down my ideas. That megalomaniac clearly wants to be in charge.”

The problem with this line of thinking is not only that it’s often wrong, but it also does us a disservice. It rehashes the conflict in our heads and intensifies our negative emotions.

Here at LifeLabs Learning, we use what we call the three lens model. Anytime you are in conflict with someone, ask yourself: Besides being a jerk, what other forces are influencing this person’s behavior? How am I contributing to the conflict? What would I do in their shoes?

When you ask yourself these questions, you acknowledge that there are nuances to the situation. This mindset allows you to develop more tolerance and understanding, and you’ll have an easier time letting the old stories (and feelings associated with them) go.

3. DO A 180

Another interesting characteristic of conflicts is they become predictable. Person A does something, and Person B reacts, Person A reacts to Person B, and so on. Sometimes the pull of the conflict is so strong that even though both parties can predict what will unfold, they still act their part as though they are following a script.

In these situations, we frequently fixate on how to change the other person or people in the conflict, but we usually fail to realize that the first thing we have the power to change is our behavior.

How can we disrupt the pattern and inject something novel into the interaction?

Marriage scholar and practitioner Michele Weiner-Davis recommends doing a 180: identifying problematic behaviors and doing the opposite of what we usually do. For example:

  • Instead of being reactive, invite the person into a conversation.
  • Instead of starting with an accusation, show empathy.
  • Instead of complaining, show gratitude.
  • Instead of being critical, be curious.
  • Instead of arguing, suggest doing an unrelated task.

One of my favorite examples of using positive surprise to transform conflict comes via Abraham Lincoln. Towards the end of the devastating Civil War, Lincoln began to publicly speak about the need to unify the country and treat the South with generosity.

On one such occasion, at the White House, he was approached by a disgruntled Yankee patriot who asked, “Mr. President, how dare you speak kindly of our enemies when you should be thinking of destroying them.” To this, Lincoln quickly replied, “Madam, do I not destroy my enemies when I turn them into my friend?”

So next time you find yourself in conflict and need self-management, think about following the three tips above. You might realize that you have more control than you think when it comes to how a particular situation makes you feel.

Author: Roi Ben-Yehuda is a trainer at LifeLabs Learning where he helps people at innovative companies (like Squarespace, Tumblr, Venmo, WeWork, and Warby Parker) master life’s most useful skills.

 

FastCompany.com | July 13, 2019