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#CareerAdvice : You’ve Been Professionally Ghosted (simple response back), Now What?…. It’s Never Fun to Be on the Receiving End of Unexplained Silence. Here are Some Tips on What You Can Do to Get the Person On the Other End to Respond.

July 26, 2018/in First Sun Blog/by First Sun Team

Hi again. Just circling back. Did you see my last email? I wanted to quickly follow up. Let me know when you have a chance.

Most of us are all too familiar with ghosting in our personal lives, whether it’s the stereotypical Tinder connect who evaporates, or a friend who never follows through with weekend plans. But then there’s ghosting at work, a trend that’s not exactly new but is uniquely annoying every time it happens.

You know the drill. You need something from a colleague, and even though you know they’re on their computer all day, every day, somehow you’re supposed to believe that they just haven’t read your email from three days ago.

Here are a few of the most common ghosting situations, along with our best tips to finally get a response back–or at least try to.

WHEN YOU’RE INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

Zero response to your thank-you note or second follow-up.

How to address it:

If you’ve only sent a single thank-you note after your interview, you could give it one last shot with a follow-up note that expresses (again) how interested you are. They might still be interviewing and just haven’t gotten back.

If you’ve already done that, it’s time to take a cue from standard dating advice: move on. They’re just not that into you, and that’s okay. There’s another company out there that will fall in love with you (and email you back).

WHEN SOMEONE OWES YOU SOMETHING FOR A PROJECT

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

One (or two or three . . . ) emails asking for something and still no response.

How to address it:

If you’re in the same office, go see them and ask. We’ve gotten pretty comfortable hiding behind computer screens, but it’s a lot harder to look someone in the eye when you owe them something and not feel motivated to give it to them. If that’s not going to work in your situation, another good move (especially after a second or third email) is to cc a supervisor on the chain on another check-in. This is only a trick to be used in an incredibly flaky context–but trust us, people get back fast.

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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WHEN YOU ASK THE TEAM FOR HELP–AND NO ONE VOLUNTEERS

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

You email a few coworkers asking if anyone can help you with a presentation, but absolutely no one responds.

How to address it:

You could send a follow-up email reminding everyone that you’re still waiting for a volunteer, and you might hear back–but most likely someone will write back out of guilt, only to give an excuse on why they can’t help you.

Skip the in-between step and go straight to the source. We like to email people individually (they’re more likely to get back to that than to the mass email) or, better yet, to stop by their desk and say, “Hey, I know I sent an email the other day but didn’t hear back from you.” Either way, the best way to handle it is to acknowledge why they don’t want to do it, e.g., “I know that it’s not exactly a fun thing and I’m sure you’ve got a ton of stuff on your plate, but I’m really getting desperate. Could you help me? I’ll owe you one.” Everybody loves an office IOU.

WHEN YOU ASK FOR A NETWORKING INTRODUCTION

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

You ask if your coworker/boss/friend can introduce you to someone in their network, they maybe even say, “Sure, I’ll look up their contact for you” and then you never hear anything back.

How to address it:

This varies person to person, but you’ve got two possibilities here: One is that the person you asked is a capital F Flake, the other is that they don’t want to do it. So which one are they?

If she’s a Flake, follow up again and one more time after that. Underscore how important it is to you and how much you’d appreciate it. Sprinkle a lot of “pleases” and “you’re my hero” statements in there. Hope for the best.

If you suspect she doesn’t want to do it, ask yourself honestly why. Is it awkward for her? In many cases, that’s the most common answer–just because you want the contact information doesn’t mean she’s comfortable sharing it. If that’s the case, follow up one time and then drop it. Find another way to get introduced or try reaching out to the contact cold on LinkedIn. That might work just as well.

WHEN SOMEONE HAS MISSED A DEADLINE

Sign you’ve been ghosted:
The work they owe you isn’t here.

How to address it:

Head on. Email and say something like this:

Hi [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Name],

Checking in on the status of [The Late Project] since I was hoping to have that by [Insert the Missed Deadline]. Could you give me an update on where you’re at and when I can expect to have it by?

If they still don’t respond, try our favorite last-ditch effort solution: cc your/their boss on another follow-up.

WHEN YOU DO SOMEONE A FAVOR AND ASK FOR A FAVOR BACK

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

Let’s just use a Career Contessa example, shall we? You interview a woman from a big name brand, and you share that interview on all your social channels. You email her PR team asking them to share it with their network as well, and . . . nothing.

How to address it:

Even if you wish it worked differently, you do something for someone just to do it. Unless you had an agreement that they would return the favor in a specific way at a specific time, the most you can do is email once more asking if they could help you with XYZ project. Tell them it would mean a lot to you without pointing fingers (“I did this for you already”). If they don’t get back, remember that the next time they ask you for a favor.

WHEN SOMEONE IS DOING BAD WORK

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

You give an employee or coworker feedback about some poor performance and suddenly, they’re phoning it in on their work. Barely.

How to address it:

Again, head on is best. (Seeing a pattern here?) Many a passive-aggressive battle is waged in the break room, but that doesn’t mean you can’t keep it classy. Ask them if you can chat for five minutes and point out that you’ve noticed things feel a bit strained. Use a specific example or two if you have them. Then ask for whatever it is that you need.

By the way, if you’re their boss and they’re now doing badly and ignoring your requests and feedback, this is all documentation you can use if/when you let them go. Because let’s be real, a professional ghoster who also does a bad job? Not exactly long-term employee material.

FastCompany.com | July 26, 2018 | BY CAREER CONTESSA 5 MINUTE READ

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Your #Career : The Right and Wrong Way to Manage Up at the Office…Don’t Assume Good Work will Speak for Itself—the Burden is Usually on you to Find a Way to #Communicate with your #Boss .

April 12, 2018/in First Sun Blog/by First Sun Team

It’s an ability that can shape your career more than almost any other—but many employees don’t know how to do it.

Managing up, or building smooth, productive relationships with higher-ups, requires understanding and adapting to your boss’s communication and decision-making style. Many people are promoted because of the quality of their work. But as newly minted managers aim to rise in the ranks, assuming their work will speak for itself becomes increasingly hazardous to their careers.

Roberta Matuson felt unprepared after she rose to a senior human-resources job years ago. “I was tossed into the executive suite with little more than a prayer, wondering, ‘What the heck do you do?’ ” she says. She focused on doing her job well but failed to build relationships with her bosses, leaving her with few allies.

When the company went public, “I got taken out by a wave I didn’t see coming” while the rest of the management team kept their jobs, she says. “You have to toot your own horn in a sea of cubicles to be heard.” Ms. Matuson is now a Brookline, Mass., leadership coach and author of the management book “Suddenly in Charge.”

Employees are getting less help learning these skills as companies shift training dollars toward senior leaders at the expense of middle- and low-level employees. The proportion of employers spending more than $1,000 a person annually to train middle managers, supervisors and rank-and-file employees fell below one-third in the past two years, according to a 2017 survey of 237 employers by Brandon Hall Group. Meanwhile, employers spending that much on training senior leaders rose to 58% in 2017 from 55% in 2015, says David Wentworth, a principal learning analyst for the research and advisory firm.

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Some bosses readily explain to subordinates how and when they want to communicate. Others do better when offered multiple-choice questions, says Julie Kantor, a New York City executive coach. How often do you want updates: daily, weekly or only when I have something to report? Do you prefer phone, instant messaging, email or face-to-face?

If you must bring the boss a problem, offer at least one potential solution. And respect the boss’s time. Mario Gabriele served as chief of staff for And Co, a New York City provider of software for freelancers that was recently acquired by Fiverr, a freelance marketplace. Rather than running to his bosses whenever he had a question, he waited until he could say, “I have these 10 things that we can cross off in 10 minutes,” Mr. Gabriele says. His boss, Leif Abraham, says Mr. Gabriele’s approach enabled him to give more thoughtful answers, and served as a useful update on his work.

A common pitfall is taking a boss’s behavior personally as a sign that “this person is just trying to annoy me,” says Robert Tanner, a Lacey, Wash., leadership and business consultant. Many tensions have a less sinister explanation, based on differences in how people see things and make decisions, he says.

Short of giving your boss a personality test, it’s possible to understand a manager’s style by reading such books as “Please Understand Me,” a classic on personality types, and watching how your boss communicates and makes decisions, Mr. Tanner says. Is she quick to act, or more thoughtful and reflective? Does he focus on facts, or intuitive signals or insights?

One financial-services executive was at odds with his subordinates until he and they understood they had different decision-making styles, says Mr. Tanner, who coached both the executive and his team. The executive tended to make decisions intuitively and change his mind a lot. Employees who preferred a more fact-based approach concluded he was indecisive and cared only about himself. Understanding their conflicting styles helped employees stop taking the executive’s behavior personally and frame their complaints in a way that mattered to him—by explaining that he was hurting the department’s reputation.

Employees also need to understand the boss’s priorities, Dr. Kantor says. What seems like a small error to an employee might look like a systemic failure to a boss with a broader realm to manage, she says. This includes being mindful of how your performance affects your boss’s success.

Bill Sandbrook, chief executive officer of U.S. Concrete in Euless, Texas, says he once gave a manager a big promotion, knowing he’d need mentoring to handle the increased responsibility. Mr. Sandbrook had a stake in the manager’s success, and he was disappointed when the man refused to accept coaching or even answer questions. “The power had gone to his head” and he soon left the company, Mr. Sandbrook says. “The new manager can’t be too proud to show when he doesn’t know something, and he has to totally swallow his ego and listen.”

It pays to figure out what motivates your boss, Dr. Kantor says. Does he or she need to look important? Find ways to help her talk about her successes, Dr. Kantor says. Does he want to be in control? Give him lots of information about what you’re doing and offer choices about next steps so he can make the decision.

It also pays to learn the unwritten rules of your workplace: How are disagreements handled here? When is it OK to interrupt a meeting?

Laura Williams’s boss, Rick Miller, chief executive of Sensible Financial Planning, a Waltham, Mass., investment-advisory firm, sometimes gets tied up in meetings or calls and fails to show up on time for appointments she has scheduled with him. Ms. Williams, an associate financial adviser, knows it’s OK to knock on Mr. Miller’s door when he’s more than five minutes late. She also knows the exceptions to the rule—such as avoiding interruptions when he’s on a client call, which he blocks out in red on his calendar.

“Getting to know how your boss prefers to deal with things is important,” Ms. Williams says. Mr. Miller, who includes “managing up” as a target ability on employees’ performance reviews, gives Ms. Williams high marks.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT WITH YOUR BOSS

Figure out and adapt to your bosses’ communication styles by watching them interact with others.
Seek agreement on how and when to update your boss on your work.
Ask yourself whether tensions with the boss may be a problem of clashing styles rather than more fundamental conflicts.
Avoid escalating problems to the boss too quickly, before you’ve tried solving them yourself.
When you bring the boss a problem, also bring at least one potential solution.
If you must disagree with your boss, do it privately, in a calm voice during a low-stress time.
Never bad-mouth your bosses behind their backs.
Never embarrass your boss in front of others.
Avoid overload by asking your boss for help prioritizing projects, rather than saying no.

Write to Sue Shellenbarger at sue.shellenbarger@wsj.com

#Leadership : How To Get Your Point Across To These Five Personality Types… Not Everyone Thinks the Same Way. Here’s How to Repurpose a Three-Decade-Old #Management Theory to Tailor your Message to Just about Anybody.

January 31, 2018/in First Sun Blog/by First Sun Team

The VP of finance for a major multinational company recently came to me with a problem. “I’ve been trying to start a conversation with the VP of marketing, and he won’t talk to me,” he said. “Whenever I try to ask him what he thinks about my ideas, he doesn’t respond.”

I asked him to describe the marketing VP to me. As he talked about his personality, I thought of a potential solution: “Don’t ask him what he thinks about your ideas,” I said. “Ask him what’s wrong with them.”

A few weeks later, I heard back from my client. “Your advice was amazing!” he said. “We spent two hours discussing issues, and he wants to meet with me every week now!”

Why did I give him that advice? Because as he described the marketing VP to me, I realized what type of speaking approach would most likely resonate: one that appealed to his colleague’s problem-solving personality.

While psychological research has progressed quite a bit since Edward de Bono released his influential book Six Thinking Hatsin 1985, I find framework still offers a handy set of metaphors for adjusting your speaking style to fit listeners’ thinking styles and personalities (though I typically prefer sticking to just five). Here are five ways to frame your message, riffing on de Bono’s 33-year-old idea, according to the people or person you’re communicating with.

1. PROBLEM SOLVERS

A “black hat” approach to speaking is all about solving problems. When you’re addressing someone who thrives on figuring out puzzles (like that VP of marketing), you need to focus on what’s wrong with something–usually in solutions-oriented, technical terms.

Let’s say you’re tasked with giving a presentation about productivity. With a black hat approach, your key message might be, “By reducing the gaps in our sourcing systems, we can increase productivity.” Then you’d go on to point out what those gaps actually are, and guide your audience toward brainstorming ways of closing them.

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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2. DATA GEEKS

Analytical thinkers typically require a slightly different approach. The “white hat” approach to speaking is objective and straightforward. Rather than emphasize the problem areas, you lay out all the relevant information you’ve got–focusing on data and analysis. You’ll also want to rely more on charts and statistics to get your message across than you otherwise might.

So if you’re taking a “white hat” approach to your productivity presentation, you’d analyze your team’s output in terms of amount of hours saved, money saved, and forecasted benefits–all backed up by hard facts and concrete numbers. Your key message might be, “By improving our system, we can increase productivity by x and contribute y to the bottom line.”

3. TEAM PLAYERS

Sometimes you’re speaking to people who aren’t exactly number crunchers but think in terms of shared purpose and teamwork. In that case, your goal is to connect with the hearts of your listeners with an emotional appeal that inspires belief, propels action, and instills a feeling of togetherness.

A “red hat” approach to the productivity issue would be more of a pep talk; you’d discuss how increasing morale and building team spirit can increase productivity. Your key message might be, “By working together, we can conquer new frontiers and build an organization that keeps getting better and better.”

4. CREATIVE TYPES

The “green hat” approach to speaking focused on creativity. If your listeners are “outside the box” thinkers, you’ll need to use visual imagery to get your audiences to imagine possibilities they may not have even considered.

In your productivity presentation, you’d want to discuss potential innovations that could help increase productivity. Rather than analyze the past, you’d brainstorm programs and initiatives you could try in order to boost productivity in the future, encouraging your team to think inventively. Your key message might be, “By innovating, we can propel the organization to better results and discover new opportunities we haven’t even imagined yet.”

5. OPTIMISTS

Finally, if you’re speaking to glass-half-full thinkers who are good at looking at the bright side, you should do the same. Stress the positive and focus on what’s ahead–like a bright beacon guiding everyone to safety and security.

Taking this “yellow hat” approach for your productivity presentation would mean focusing on what’s going right already, and where it’s bound to take you if you stay the course. Your key message might be, “By capitalizing on our strengths, we can catapult our company to new heights with our customers.”

As de Bono himself realized, these strategies are all about being flexible. Our personalities are highly contextual–more tendencies than fixed properties–and people change “hats” all the time. Your room full of yellow hat optimists might turn into black hat problem solvers when the going gets tough. So always think about what your message is, and to whom you’re delivering it. You’ll find a little color can go a long way.

FastCompany.com | January 31, 2018 | Anett Grant

Tag Archive for: #communicationsmistakes

Posts

WHEN YOU’RE INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB

WHEN SOMEONE OWES YOU SOMETHING FOR A PROJECT

WHEN YOU ASK THE TEAM FOR HELP–AND NO ONE VOLUNTEERS

WHEN YOU ASK FOR A NETWORKING INTRODUCTION

WHEN SOMEONE HAS MISSED A DEADLINE

WHEN YOU DO SOMEONE A FAVOR AND ASK FOR A FAVOR BACK

WHEN SOMEONE IS DOING BAD WORK

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT WITH YOUR BOSS

MORE FROM WORK & FAMILY

1. PROBLEM SOLVERS

2. DATA GEEKS

3. TEAM PLAYERS

4. CREATIVE TYPES

5. OPTIMISTS