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#Leadership : #CommunicationSkills – Dealing With A Difficult Conversation. A Great Read for All!

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Difficult conversations are just that — difficult. The prospect of a tough conversation can fill anyone with dread and anxiety. Everyone has probably had this feeling, and everyone probably dreads it.

But you don’t need to. We’ve found through our research that this dread, in many cases, points to a natural aversion to conflict, as well as to a fundamental desire to be well-liked and understood. No matter the reasons, however, there are some simple ways to alleviate your anxieties before a tough conversation.

The next time you face a sensitive talk, whether at work with a boss or client or at home with a loved one, you can follow a three-step process to navigate it with ease: prepare, script and role-play.

 

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Get The Basic Principles Down First

Many people hate being wrong. We hate being at fault or blamed. Whether this comes from pride or anxiety, it’s critical to look at your own behaviors and attitudes as you prepare for a difficult conversation. As you do this, remind yourself that the other person likely has similar feelings and attitudes. In the end, it’s not about who’s right — it’s about coming to an understanding.

Prepare for the conversation as you would for a pitch, client presentation or any other major moment — by owning as much as you can about yourself. Remember: prepare, script and role-play:

• Assess in your mind. Empathize with your counterpart, and try to imagine the scenario from multiple perspectives. How might their view differ from yours? How would a neutral party hear both sides? As you build empathy, try to focus on positive thoughts so you can put yourself into a constructive mindset to approach the conversation.

• Visualize the interaction. You’ve thought about both sides, so how might the conversation play out? Where might it turn negative, and how do you see yourself responding when you hear something you don’t like? At this stage, your preparation is a choice, so explore as many ups and downs as you can. This can help reduce potential surprises in the discussion.

• Practice each scenario. You’ve established a framework of possible directions and conversations; now practice them. Put them down on paper, grab a colleague or a friend and see whether they’d be willing to role-play the scenarios with you. It may sound silly, but the more familiar you are with your game plan, the more seamless your execution will be when it’s game time.

Apply The Principles To Real-World Scenarios

Let’s put this theory into practice. Imagine a client of three years has just emailed you expressing grave concerns about your working relationship. They ask for a meeting to discuss the future of your work together.

This type of situation happens, and it’s easy to let it spiral in your mind. Applying the three-step process to prepare, script and role-play may allow you to navigate the conversation and at least save the relationship, if not the contract itself.

• Focus on what you can control. As you assess everything in your mind, try to find that place of empathy to understand why you might be receiving this email. Maybe you already know, or maybe you’re caught off guard. Let yourself feel the negative emotions, and then dissect the situation as objectively as possible. Taking the time to explore the different angles can help break down the defensive position you might have taken. In short, it can help you come quickly to a constructive place and approach the conversation as a partner.

• Start scripting. Once you’ve thought through the different angles, start letting scenarios play out in your mind. Maybe you’ve set a meeting time, date and location. Put yourself in that room, and begin to imagine different paths the discussion could take. Imagine the questions and statements and the attitude or tone behind them, and write it all down. This can let you conceive positive responses in advance, so you can keep as much on the table as possible when the meeting finally comes.

• Role-play. Find a co-worker, a friend or someone you to trust to practice how the conversation may go. Study your notes and the scripted scenarios you’ve created, and practice until you feel confident and comfortable in your approach and the directions the conversation can take.

Of course, almost no conversation goes as scripted. The goal of this preparation is to help you come to a constructive place of understanding in advance of your meeting and anticipate as many scenarios as possible so you can avoid being caught off guard. The more you can maintain a fair balance of yourself, the better your odds of salvaging anything at all or, in some cases, turning the dreaded conversation into a truly productive, positive outcome for all parties.

Remember This

Take a deep breath. Think about the impact this conversation may have on your life in five years. Then put yourself in their shoes and do the same. You may quickly realize that the conversation probably doesn’t have the ability to ruin your life or in fact change much at all.

Now you’re ready. Communicate bravely. You’ve done the necessary preparation, and now it’s time to trust the different scenarios you’ve practiced and maintain your positive mindset throughout. Remember that difficult conversations have better results for those who remain positive and confident throughout.

Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
Andres LaresAndres LaresForbes Councils
Forbes.com | June 12, 2019

#CareerAdvice : You’ve Been Professionally Ghosted (simple response back), Now What?…. It’s Never Fun to Be on the Receiving End of Unexplained Silence. Here are Some Tips on What You Can Do to Get the Person On the Other End to Respond.

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Hi again. Just circling back. Did you see my last email? I wanted to quickly follow up. Let me know when you have a chance.

Most of us are all too familiar with ghosting in our personal lives, whether it’s the stereotypical Tinder connect who evaporates, or a friend who never follows through with weekend plans. But then there’s ghosting at work, a trend that’s not exactly new but is uniquely annoying every time it happens.

You know the drill. You need something from a colleague, and even though you know they’re on their computer all day, every day, somehow you’re supposed to believe that they just haven’t read your email from three days ago.

Here are a few of the most common ghosting situations, along with our best tips to finally get a response back–or at least try to.

WHEN YOU’RE INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

Zero response to your thank-you note or second follow-up.

How to address it: 

If you’ve only sent a single thank-you note after your interview, you could give it one last shot with a follow-up note that expresses (again) how interested you are. They might still be interviewing and just haven’t gotten back.

If you’ve already done that, it’s time to take a cue from standard dating advice: move on. They’re just not that into you, and that’s okay. There’s another company out there that will fall in love with you (and email you back).

Related: How to avoid being professionally ghosted

WHEN SOMEONE OWES YOU SOMETHING FOR A PROJECT

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

One (or two or three . . . ) emails asking for something and still no response.

How to address it:

If you’re in the same office, go see them and ask. We’ve gotten pretty comfortable hiding behind computer screens, but it’s a lot harder to look someone in the eye when you owe them something and not feel motivated to give it to them. If that’s not going to work in your situation, another good move (especially after a second or third email) is to cc a supervisor on the chain on another check-in. This is only a trick to be used in an incredibly flaky context–but trust us, people get back fast.

 

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WHEN YOU ASK THE TEAM FOR HELP–AND NO ONE VOLUNTEERS

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

You email a few coworkers asking if anyone can help you with a presentation, but absolutely no one responds.

How to address it:

You could send a follow-up email reminding everyone that you’re still waiting for a volunteer, and you might hear back–but most likely someone will write back out of guilt, only to give an excuse on why they can’t help you.

Skip the in-between step and go straight to the source. We like to email people individually (they’re more likely to get back to that than to the mass email) or, better yet, to stop by their desk and say, “Hey, I know I sent an email the other day but didn’t hear back from you.” Either way, the best way to handle it is to acknowledge why they don’t want to do it, e.g., “I know that it’s not exactly a fun thing and I’m sure you’ve got a ton of stuff on your plate, but I’m really getting desperate. Could you help me? I’ll owe you one.” Everybody loves an office IOU.

Related: This is what recruiters look for on your social media accounts 

WHEN YOU ASK FOR A NETWORKING INTRODUCTION

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

You ask if your coworker/boss/friend can introduce you to someone in their network, they maybe even say, “Sure, I’ll look up their contact for you” and then you never hear anything back.

How to address it:

This varies person to person, but you’ve got two possibilities here: One is that the person you asked is a capital F Flake, the other is that they don’t want to do it. So which one are they?

If she’s a Flake, follow up again and one more time after that. Underscore how important it is to you and how much you’d appreciate it. Sprinkle a lot of “pleases” and “you’re my hero” statements in there. Hope for the best.

If you suspect she doesn’t want to do it, ask yourself honestly why. Is it awkward for her? In many cases, that’s the most common answer–just because you want the contact information doesn’t mean she’s comfortable sharing it. If that’s the case, follow up one time and then drop it. Find another way to get introduced or try reaching out to the contact cold on LinkedIn. That might work just as well.

Related: This is how to write a follow-up email that’s not annoying 

WHEN SOMEONE HAS MISSED A DEADLINE

Sign you’ve been ghosted:
The work they owe you isn’t here.

How to address it:

Head on. Email and say something like this:

Hi [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Name],

Checking in on the status of [The Late Project] since I was hoping to have that by [Insert the Missed Deadline]. Could you give me an update on where you’re at and when I can expect to have it by?

If they still don’t respond, try our favorite last-ditch effort solution: cc your/their boss on another follow-up.

WHEN YOU DO SOMEONE A FAVOR AND ASK FOR A FAVOR BACK

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

Let’s just use a Career Contessa example, shall we? You interview a woman from a big name brand, and you share that interview on all your social channels. You email her PR team asking them to share it with their network as well, and . . . nothing.

How to address it:

Even if you wish it worked differently, you do something for someone just to do it. Unless you had an agreement that they would return the favor in a specific way at a specific time, the most you can do is email once more asking if they could help you with XYZ project. Tell them it would mean a lot to you without pointing fingers (“I did this for you already”). If they don’t get back, remember that the next time they ask you for a favor.

WHEN SOMEONE IS DOING BAD WORK

Sign you’ve been ghosted:

You give an employee or coworker feedback about some poor performance and suddenly, they’re phoning it in on their work. Barely.

How to address it:

Again, head on is best. (Seeing a pattern here?) Many a passive-aggressive battle is waged in the break room, but that doesn’t mean you can’t keep it classy. Ask them if you can chat for five minutes and point out that you’ve noticed things feel a bit strained. Use a specific example or two if you have them. Then ask for whatever it is that you need.

By the way, if you’re their boss and they’re now doing badly and ignoring your requests and feedback, this is all documentation you can use if/when you let them go. Because let’s be real, a professional ghoster who also does a bad job? Not exactly long-term employee material.

 

 

FastCompany.com | July 26, 2018 | BY CAREER CONTESSA 5 MINUTE READ

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#Leadership : Quality Advice on How to #Communicate During Stressful Times… Even on a Good Day, #Communicating Well is One of Life’s Toughest Daily Challenges, and It’s Especially Difficult to Do Under Pressure.

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Even on a good day, communicating well is one of life’s toughest daily challenges, and it’s especially difficult to do under pressure. Thankfully, by applying a few practical tips, you can significantly improve how you talk with friends, family, coworkers, and others.

Focus on Your Goal

For instance, facing more than one challenge at a time can be overwhelming. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, focus on one or two important objectives per conversation. Successful exchanges will encourage others to approach you, and over time you will have increasingly productive dialogues. But it’s not only other topics that can be distracting. Anger, frustration and apathy can divert you from your main purpose if you let them.

QUIZ: What’s Your Communication Style?

Take a Deep Breath

You’ve probably heard this advice a dozen times, but it works. After studying a group of nerves in the brain, biochemistry professor Mark Krasnow concluded that breathing affects overall brain activity. He explained, “This liaison to the rest of the brain means that if we can slow breathing down, as we can do by deep breathing or slow controlled breaths, the idea would be that these neurons then don’t signal the arousal center, and don’t hyperactivate the brain. So you can calm your breathing and also calm your mind.”

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Laugh First and Hardest

Research indicates that laughter reduces the amounts of stress hormones in your body and increases levels of endorphins — chemicals that make you feel good. According to Stress Management with Intelligence, the effects of laughter are more than chemical: “Laughter connects people, and social support is good for stress relief.”

Talk to Someone (Else)

Yes, it sounds counterintuitive, but discussing your issues with an unbiased outsider is helpful for two reasons. First, venting your frustrations may relieve tension and allow you to talk more calmly the next time you confront the situation. Also, your listener may have some relevant advice.

However, choose your confidant with care. Avoid anyone with a reputation for gossip. If you can’t think of anyone in your immediate social circle, search for an online support group.

Set a Realistic Objective

If you or the person you are talking to is stressed, adjust your expectations. Stress isn’t always a bad thing. If you’re excited about something, your body releases adrenaline and chemicals that heighten senses and help the brain focus, according to HolisticOnline.com. However, the website says that the positive effects are short-lived: “As you spend more and more time under stress, your ability to concentrate lessens.” Therefore, if you’re on a tight deadline, it may boost you to accomplish more in one sitting. On the other hand, if you’re in an ongoing feud with a colleague, your discussion may end in a compromise.

Listen

Don’t be so focused on trying to get your point across that you forget to listen. It’s a life skill, according to SkillsYouNeed.com: “Listening is key to all effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively, messages are easily misunderstood. As a result, communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.” How can you show the speaker you are paying attention?

9 Tips to Listen Like a True Leader

Practice Positive Body Language

If your body is sending negative signals, you may be inadvertently sabotaging the conversation. Leaning away from someone or crossing your arms while they speak may convey that you’re not open to conversation.

You can change your posture with a few easy adjustments. For example, lean slightly towards the other participant. Let your arms hang by your sides or bring them together in your lap. Make brief eye contact throughout the interchange. These minor alterations send the message that you are actively listening, a factor which will make your conversational partner feel valued and more open to what you have to say.

Know When to Keep Silent

A stressful moment may not be the ideal time to bring up sensitive issues. You may decide to let a matter drop altogether or wait until a more opportune time. If the issue is unavoidable, take a few minutes to organize your thoughts in writing.

Listening, breathing and taking time to respond are just a few strategies to help you keep your cool. Even if you’re not facing a stressful situation now, keep these tips on hand to help you communicate in everyday life.

Related Links:

 

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#Leadership : How To Turn #Conflict Into A #Communication Tool…Many People Try to Avoid #Conflicts at #Work . But if you Know the Right Way to Lodge an Objection, It can Actually Smooth the Way for Better Communication.

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Last year, I was working with leaders who had recently joined an Israeli company. One of them said to me, “Anett, I used to work for a Midwestern company, and now I’m working for a company that yells and pounds the table in meetings–you can even hear it on the phone! What do I do?”

“Well, what happens after those meetings?” I asked. “They all go out for coffee!” she told me.

This is a texbook example of constructive conflict. Yes, it might have been emotionally charged and intense, but everyone respected each other enough to be friendly afterward. You might feel that it’s hard to see conflict as anything but a barrier to communication, but if you use it the right way, it can be an effective tool.

Here are some tips on how to do just that.

ATTACK THE IDEA, NOT THE PERSON

Intense conflicts can be civil. The key is not to let it get personal–which means making sure that you direct any criticism toward ideas, not people. Many of us know to avoid telling someone, “I don’t think you’ve done your research on this issue” or, “How could you possibly come to that conclusion?!” since these clearly sound like an attack on the person. But finding alternative phrasing isn’t always easy. When in doubt, delete any second-person (“your”/”your”) phrases from your vocabulary, and start with “I” phrase that zeroes in on the underlying concept. For example, “I struggle with that conclusion.” Now you can center the discussion around the conclusion itself–not the person who proposed it.

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Related:Want More Creative Employees? Create Some Conflict 

BE ESPECIALLY CAREFUL WITH YOUR TONE

Sometimes what you say doesn’t matter as much as how you say it. And when you’re sharing a critique, you have to be especially mindful of your tone. My client’s colleagues might have participated in loud conversations–but those discussions weren’t overly emotional, sarcastic, or condescending. Tone isn’t about the volume of your voice; you can still be calm and collected while verbally putting someone down. As Fast Company’s Lydia Dishman previously reported, passive-aggression comes in many forms. For example, you might start off by using logic to point out the flaws in your coworker’s point–but if you end by saying something like, “You don’t mind, do you?” your coworker might read your tone as patronizing.

Related: Here’s What Being Too Nice At Work Is Costing Your Company

DON’T FLOUT CULTURAL NORMS

Some companies are more comfortable with conflict than others, and every company will have its own “rules” about what’s acceptable and what’s not. Those rules might not be written anywhere, but if you look at how your organization has dealt with conflict in the past, you can usually get a sense of how its culture operates. Some workplaces are comfortable with constructive conflict as long as it stays behind closed doors, and employees and senior leadership show a united front in public. Others embrace displaying their conflict openly. So stay attuned to corporate culture as well as societal norms. As my client found, the way his Midwestern colleagues operated was pretty different than the approach his Israeli associates took. Neither was necessarily “better” or “worse” than the other, but in order to have productive disagreements, he needed to adapt to those teams’ respective cultures.

FOCUS ON MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS (EVEN IF IT MEANS BITING YOUR TONGUE)

Remember, just because you disagree with someone’s idea, you still need to show that you value their input. This might require extra effort on your part–like being selective about when to voice your criticism. If you argue too frequently, others may find it hard to believe you’re doing so in good faith. If, on the other hand, you share your disagreement a little more strategically, you’re more likely to strengthen your relationships–and improve the odds that your criticism will actually register, without hurting feelings.

Related: How I’ve Learned To Stop Arrogance From Silently Hurting My Career

CALCULATE THE OPPORTUNITY COST

On the other hand, if you’re on the fence about whether to raise an objection, consider the possible downsides to not engaging in constructive conflict. What potential consequences will staying silent bring? Depending on your company culture, you may be viewed as lacking conviction in your ideas if you seem afraid to stand up for them. In that case, not speaking up could actually backfire. Not to mention, if you don’t voice your disagreement early on, you might be setting yourself up for a bigger explosion later by keeping your thoughts bottled up.

Needless to say, no two situations will be the same. If you’re unsure of how direct you should be–start by listening and observing. You can learn a lot just by paying attention to people’s body language and how they respond. When it comes to constructive conflict, context is everything. But whatever you do, just don’t let it get personal.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Anett Grant is the CEO of Executive Speaking, Inc. and the author of the new e-book,CEO Speaking: The 6-Minute Guide. Since 1979, Executive Speaking has pioneered breakthrough approaches to helping leaders from all over the world–including leaders from 61 of the Fortune 100 companies–develop leadership presence, communicate complexity, and speak with precision and power.

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FastCompany.com| April 14, 2018 | Anett Grant

 

Your #Career : The Right and Wrong Way to Manage Up at the Office…Don’t Assume Good Work will Speak for Itself—the Burden is Usually on you to Find a Way to #Communicate with your #Boss .

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It’s an ability that can shape your career more than almost any other—but many employees don’t know how to do it.

Managing up, or building smooth, productive relationships with higher-ups, requires understanding and adapting to your boss’s communication and decision-making style. Many people are promoted because of the quality of their work. But as newly minted managers aim to rise in the ranks, assuming their work will speak for itself becomes increasingly hazardous to their careers.

Roberta Matuson felt unprepared after she rose to a senior human-resources job years ago. “I was tossed into the executive suite with little more than a prayer, wondering, ‘What the heck do you do?’ ” she says. She focused on doing her job well but failed to build relationships with her bosses, leaving her with few allies.

When the company went public, “I got taken out by a wave I didn’t see coming” while the rest of the management team kept their jobs, she says. “You have to toot your own horn in a sea of cubicles to be heard.” Ms. Matuson is now a Brookline, Mass., leadership coach and author of the management book “Suddenly in Charge.”

Employees are getting less help learning these skills as companies shift training dollars toward senior leaders at the expense of middle- and low-level employees. The proportion of employers spending more than $1,000 a person annually to train middle managers, supervisors and rank-and-file employees fell below one-third in the past two years, according to a 2017 survey of 237 employers by Brandon Hall Group. Meanwhile, employers spending that much on training senior leaders rose to 58% in 2017 from 55% in 2015, says David Wentworth, a principal learning analyst for the research and advisory firm.

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Some bosses readily explain to subordinates how and when they want to communicate. Others do better when offered multiple-choice questions, says Julie Kantor, a New York City executive coach. How often do you want updates: daily, weekly or only when I have something to report? Do you prefer phone, instant messaging, email or face-to-face?

If you must bring the boss a problem, offer at least one potential solution. And respect the boss’s time. Mario Gabriele served as chief of staff for And Co, a New York City provider of software for freelancers that was recently acquired by Fiverr, a freelance marketplace. Rather than running to his bosses whenever he had a question, he waited until he could say, “I have these 10 things that we can cross off in 10 minutes,” Mr. Gabriele says. His boss, Leif Abraham, says Mr. Gabriele’s approach enabled him to give more thoughtful answers, and served as a useful update on his work.

A common pitfall is taking a boss’s behavior personally as a sign that “this person is just trying to annoy me,” says Robert Tanner, a Lacey, Wash., leadership and business consultant. Many tensions have a less sinister explanation, based on differences in how people see things and make decisions, he says.

Short of giving your boss a personality test, it’s possible to understand a manager’s style by reading such books as “Please Understand Me,” a classic on personality types, and watching how your boss communicates and makes decisions, Mr. Tanner says. Is she quick to act, or more thoughtful and reflective? Does he focus on facts, or intuitive signals or insights?

One financial-services executive was at odds with his subordinates until he and they understood they had different decision-making styles, says Mr. Tanner, who coached both the executive and his team. The executive tended to make decisions intuitively and change his mind a lot. Employees who preferred a more fact-based approach concluded he was indecisive and cared only about himself. Understanding their conflicting styles helped employees stop taking the executive’s behavior personally and frame their complaints in a way that mattered to him—by explaining that he was hurting the department’s reputation.

Employees also need to understand the boss’s priorities, Dr. Kantor says. What seems like a small error to an employee might look like a systemic failure to a boss with a broader realm to manage, she says. This includes being mindful of how your performance affects your boss’s success.

Bill Sandbrook, chief executive officer of U.S. Concrete in Euless, Texas, says he once gave a manager a big promotion, knowing he’d need mentoring to handle the increased responsibility. Mr. Sandbrook had a stake in the manager’s success, and he was disappointed when the man refused to accept coaching or even answer questions. “The power had gone to his head” and he soon left the company, Mr. Sandbrook says. “The new manager can’t be too proud to show when he doesn’t know something, and he has to totally swallow his ego and listen.”

It pays to figure out what motivates your boss, Dr. Kantor says. Does he or she need to look important? Find ways to help her talk about her successes, Dr. Kantor says. Does he want to be in control? Give him lots of information about what you’re doing and offer choices about next steps so he can make the decision.

It also pays to learn the unwritten rules of your workplace: How are disagreements handled here? When is it OK to interrupt a meeting?

Laura Williams’s boss, Rick Miller, chief executive of Sensible Financial Planning, a Waltham, Mass., investment-advisory firm, sometimes gets tied up in meetings or calls and fails to show up on time for appointments she has scheduled with him. Ms. Williams, an associate financial adviser, knows it’s OK to knock on Mr. Miller’s door when he’s more than five minutes late. She also knows the exceptions to the rule—such as avoiding interruptions when he’s on a client call, which he blocks out in red on his calendar.

“Getting to know how your boss prefers to deal with things is important,” Ms. Williams says. Mr. Miller, who includes “managing up” as a target ability on employees’ performance reviews, gives Ms. Williams high marks.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT WITH YOUR BOSS

  • Figure out and adapt to your bosses’ communication styles by watching them interact with others.
  • Seek agreement on how and when to update your boss on your work.
  • Ask yourself whether tensions with the boss may be a problem of clashing styles rather than more fundamental conflicts.
  • Avoid escalating problems to the boss too quickly, before you’ve tried solving them yourself.
  • When you bring the boss a problem, also bring at least one potential solution.
  • If you must disagree with your boss, do it privately, in a calm voice during a low-stress time.
  • Never bad-mouth your bosses behind their backs.
  • Never embarrass your boss in front of others.
  • Avoid overload by asking your boss for help prioritizing projects, rather than saying no.

Write to Sue Shellenbarger at sue.shellenbarger@wsj.com

MORE FROM WORK & FAMILY

WSJ.com | April 11, 2018 | Sue Shellenbarger 

 

Your #Career : Don’t Let Your Boss’s Poor #CommunicationSkills Hold You Back….If your #Boss is Terrible at #Communicating , you Don’t have to Deal With the Fallout. These Strategies will Help you Get the Information you Need.

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Poor communication is costing you in more ways than you probably realize. But it might not be your poor communication that’s the problem.

A recent Economist Intelligence Unit study found that communication barriers like lack of clarity, pointless meetings, and even differences in communication styles are wreaking havoc on productivity and efficiency. Forty-four percent of respondents said such issues delay or derail projects, while nearly a third said they cause low morale. A quarter attributed poor communication to missed performance goals, and 18% said a failure to communicate caused lost sales, sometimes totaling well into the six figures.

Related:How To Communicate With People Who Disagree With You

It’s one thing if the finger is pointed at you—there are plenty of ways you can shore up your own ability to ensure others hear and understand what you say. But, what if the perpetrator of murky directives is your boss?

Of course, you can ask questions, but you must know what to ask, business leadership coach Cheri Torres, PhD, author of Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement. Try to clarify directives and expectations without unduly challenging your boss or making them feel threatened or inadequate, which can make it even tougher to get direction, she says.

“Don’t throw the boss into further panic and fear, but instead seek clarity and information from that person, and putting it in the context of, ‘I really want to do a good job for you and for the department, so I need this information in order to do that,’” she says. And to help get the information you need to succeed use these tactics.

IDENTIFY THE DISCONNECT

Identifying the root of the disconnect can make a world of difference in how you communicate with your boss on a regular basis, says Brian Kelley, vice president of employee experience at McLean, Virginia-based Sage Communications. Take note of your boss’s interactions with others. Do they have a tough time communicating with everyone? Are there traits that get in the way of clear communication? Understanding different communication styles, especially those typical of introverts, extroverts, and various personality types, can also be helpful to understand where the gap is.

“Anytime you have a poor communicator in a senior position, it’s a great opportunity to manage up and really work with your superior to make sure that they understand your needs for solid communication and the specific ways that you can really communicate with each other better,” he says. Kelley urges his direct reports to tell him what they need from him to better do their jobs. If your boss is open to that kind of frank communication, it could be enormously helpful, he says.

Related:How To Avoid The 5 Most Common Misunderstandings At Work

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DOUBLE-CLICK

Understanding the thought process that led to this project or request can help you better understand what is being asked, says executive coach Judith E. Glaser, and author of Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results. One way to do that is to “double-click” when your boss gives you direction.

Let’s say your supervisor tells you to take on a project. They’ve obviously thought through why they want you to do so, and they’re in a state of conclusion, Glaser says. But you may not agree with the directive and may need help understanding why you’re being asked to take on the project, as well as what the point of it is. Asking about what led up to the decision to execute this project or take on this task can get you more clarity about the context and expectations, she says. That’s double-clicking, Glaser says.

“A lot of times we don’t get context from CEOs, we get conclusions. With conclusions, you miss out on a lot of the pre-thought, where the [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][employee] might be able to get in and make some adjustments to make it even better. That’s what they want to do, get into the conversation, into the thought process,” she says.

REFRAME, REFOCUS, REDIRECT

When you’re having conversations with your boss and don’t feel like you’re getting what you need, try stating the question in a different way or sharing your understanding of what’s being said, Glaser says. Respond with, “So, what I understand you’re asking me to do is . . . ” or, “What I hear you saying is that you want me to . . . ” and fill in the blank with your perspective. That will allow your supervisor to understand what you’re hearing in the conversation, she says.

Related:6 Ways To Communicate With More Authority

“When you’re not getting what you want, try to reframe it, say it in a different way, or connect it to something, a new word that might activate the opening of a conversation,” she says.

GET CLEAR ABOUT PRIORITIES

If you’re still having trouble getting detailed instructions, context, or feedback, try to focus on priorities, Kelley says. What matters about the project? What is the purpose? What will a successful outcome look like?

If you can get a clearer picture of the desired outcome, you may be able to figure out how to make that happen, Torres adds. Some bosses may try to test your problem-solving ability and resourcefulness by giving you the broad strokes of a project and allowing you to figure out how to get it done.

“Some bosses don’t give real clear instructions because they are anticipating or expecting or hoping the person will make decisions about how to do things on their own, but they assume that, rather than say that,” she says.

And if you’re feeling lost on a project or not sure you’re moving in the right direction, arranging check-ins along the way can help ensure you don’t get too far off track, Kelley adds.

FIND OTHER STAKEHOLDERS

Finding coworkers, colleagues, and even other senior-level people who can help you get the direction you need is another good strategy, Torres says. If your boss isn’t clear about direction, they may also not be clear about who else is involved in the project. Ask around and work on gathering information from people who can provide it, she says. You may also get valuable feedback about how other people have found ways to communicate effectively with your supervisor, she says.

FastCompany.com | April 12, 2018 | Gwen Moran

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#Leadership : 7 Ways Clarity Powers #Productivity …. Clarity Powers Productivity. And it Does So for Anyone and Everyone.

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Clarity powers productivity. And it does so for anyone and everyone. Here are seven of the most important ways:

1. Uncommonly clear goals

A clear destination opens the door to action. Specificity is the key here. When you know exactly what you are trying to achieve, you are able to focus. You don’t have to waste time guessing, fishing for more information, or convincing yourself that you are on the right track. You are also less likely to be distracted by peripheral issues, unimportant details, or totally unrelated diversions. Specificity increases focus and focus generates speed.

Year-end goals, no matter how clear, don’t power productivity. They are too far in the future. Progress happens one step at a time. One hour, even one-quarter hour, at a time. To be ultra-productive, you need to pursue a very specific outcome over the next small block of time.

Overall productivity depends on the productivity of each individual hour. Hour by hour clarity may save only 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there, but those really add up. However, more often than most people realize or are eager to admit it, a little uncommon clarity saves entire hours.

To achieve ultra-productive clarity, ask yourself constantly what must be different at the end of the hour.

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2. Clear, specific next steps

Even if you have a clear goal, you won’t be very productive if you don’t know how to achieve your goal. If you feel you are faced with an impenetrable jungle, you will not be ultra-productive. However, if you have reliable, repeatable method that you trust to get you good results, you can fly through the work with ease. Tried and true methods power productivity. If you don’t have a clear method as you are about to start a task, stop and establish one. The alternative involves wandering around, in and out, back and forth.

3. Shared process clarity

We’ve already talked about the value of process. Let’s take that a step further. When you and your co-workers have a shared understanding of a process, you will all be much more productive. You can synchronize your efforts and focus all of the brainpower. Synchronized focus and a clear series of steps powers team productivity.

Too bad so much of the workday is spent without this shared process clarity. This is true for pretty much any activity less well defined than your leanest production processes. It is incredibly true for your meetings, email, conversations, planning, problem solving, and decision making – all the activities that you don’t even think need, or even use, processes.

4. Clear, transparent decision-making

We make thousands of decisions a day. And every decision is an opportunity to waste time, stress out, and make a mistake. This is especially true for group decisions, which often go on and on and around and around. If there is one activity where shared process clarity could make an enormous difference in productivity it is decision making.

I have yet to encounter an organization with a shared decision process. And yet without one, groups typically conflate the multiple steps in any decision into one muddled conversation. To make matters worse, they aren’t always even focused on the same decision. When I listen in, I can typically count five distinct decisions under discussion simultaneously even in the most focused, most earnest, smartest group. And when I provide that clarity and enumerate those decisions, suddenly it is obvious what decisions need to be made and in what order. It’s like opening the starting gates for racers. Clarity starts everyone running, and in the same direction.

Clear, effective decision processes increase productivity in another way as well. If you follow a good process, your decisions are more likely to be accepted. Furthermore, even your bad decisions are likely to be defended! Think of all the time currently spent worrying about buy-in, making decisions by consensus, and trying to make people believe they are being heard (a.k.a., manipulating them). You can eliminate all that wasted time with a clear, effective, and transparent decision process (see 7 Rules Naturally Clear Leaders Follow When Making Decisions).

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Forbes.com | March 4, 2018 | Ann Latham , CONTRIBUTOR

#Leadership : How To Avoid The 5 Most Common Misunderstandings At #Work …From Long Email Chains to Group Projects without Clear roles, here are the Most Common Ways #Communication at Work Goes Off the Rails, & How to Fix It.

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If you’ve ever had to clear up a situation at work because you were misquoted or misinterpreted, you know how easy it is for actions and words to be misconstrued. Misunderstandings are rooted in communication, and we often wind up getting derailed because we were too busy to get clarification, says Janel Anderson, owner of the communication consulting firm Working Conversations and author of Head On: How to Approach Difficult Conversations Directly.

“We want others to agree with us, and in our current culture of too much to do and not enough time to do it,” she says. “We often jump to conclusions when, in fact, we haven’t asked enough questions and engaged them effectively to find out if they agree or not.”

Here are five of the most common situations that lead to misunderstandings, and how you can get everyone back on the same page.

1. WHEN DIVIDING RESPONSIBILITIES

When people work together on a team, everyone’s role needs to be clear. Any ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings. At the beginning of a project, put responsibilities and expectations in writing, and have regular check-ins to make sure everyone is clear about their part.

“It’s important for everyone to see their peers contributing, all working toward a goal, and ensuring that everyone’s roles are defined so that you can avoid confusion, or discontent because others aren’t doing their fair share,” says Brian Kelley, vice president of public relations and employee engagement at Sage Communications, a marketing and public relations firm. “What is that fair share? Make sure you define it at the outset so there are no questions.”

 

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2. WHEN COMMUNICATING COMPANY GOALS

Most leaders believe they communicate big-picture information, such as goals, strategies, issues, and projects. They may be communicating, but it’s often not with the entire team, says Heidi Pozzo, founder of Pozzo Consulting, a strategy consulting firm.

“There is typically a lot of discussion within the leadership team so it feels like everyone should understand,” she says. “The challenge is the group that needs to hear about it may have only heard from leaders once or twice.”

A leader needs to clearly define not only the starting point, but the pathway and critical touch points to the desired state, says Brad Deutser, CEO of the leadership consulting firm Deutser and author of Leading Clarity: A Breakthrough Strategy to Unleash People, Profit, and Performance. “Defining the pathway is fundamental to achieving the desired end state,” he says. “A purposeful leader works to carefully define the pathway, eliminating any potential diversions and ensuring clarity.”

3. WHEN COMMUNICATING VIA EMAIL

Email frequently leads to misunderstandings because it eliminates social cues, like tone of voice, eye contact, or facial expression that aid our comprehension of the message, says Anderson.

“When email misunderstandings occur, people feel threatened and get defensive,” she says. “To avoid this misunderstanding I suggest following the rule of three: If there have been three emails exchanged and you haven’t understood each other, pick up the phone and speak to them in person.”

4. WHEN DISCUSSING PROFESSIONAL GOALS

Disconnects can often happen during feedback or performance reviews, says Kelley. “It’s easy to relay information in a negative connotation when you are in effect asking for something completely different,” he says.

For example, if someone says, “I’ve worked too hard and too long for this pay,” they probably mean they feel undervalued or that their work/life balance is out of order.

“Instead of jumping to a conclusion, always assume the other party is coming from a position of positive intent,” says Kelley, adding that it’s important to take what you know about the employee and read between the lines. “Ensure you properly accept and respond to their message from this positive intent and coach them on how to better communicate their misunderstanding more effectively in the future.”

Be sure to get clear on employees’ long-term personal and professional goals, adds Ed McNamara, senior director of marketing and communications for SHI International, a software firm. “Some employees are very good at being proactive in asking for what they want; others might wait to be asked, but that doesn’t mean they want it any less,” he says.

5. WHEN YOU’RE HEARING THIRD-PERSON INFORMATION

The old saying is that too many cooks spoil the broth, and too many voices can spoil the message. “A lot of misunderstandings at work happen when information is relayed between people,” says Jessica Schaeffer, chief of staff and director of marketing and communications for the LaSalle Network, a staffing firm. “Someone says something, tells another person, and that person talks to you,” she says. “It could be business-related or company politics, but usually, it leads to a misunderstanding.”

It’s important to not jump to conclusions and get defensive, says Schaeffer. “Go back to the original person, and ask for clarification,” she says. “Eliminate the middleman and get the information firsthand. Sometimes the middleman misinterprets excitement as frustration or anger, or worse yet, doesn’t know the person well enough to pick up on important context or nonverbal cues, and relays the message incorrectly.”

WHY MISUNDERSTANDINGS ARE COMMON

The human brain is a sense-making machine and it wants to know why someone did or didn’t do something, says Anderson. “In the absence of information, we make up a motive, and we are usually wrong,” she says.

In all of these situations, the best way to mitigate is to stop and check in with yourself when you think someone has intentionally wronged you. “Ask yourself how much hard evidence you have to support your conclusion that the other person has acted maliciously,” says Anderson. “If you don’t have much—or any—evidence, get curious and ask the person some questions about why they did what they did. Assume positive intent until you have hard evidence to the contrary.”

 

FastCompany.com | March 1, 2018 | BY STEPHANIE VOZZA 4 MINUTE READ

 

Your #Career : These Are The Five #SoftSkills #Recruiters Want Most… Things like #TimeManagement & #Organization aren’t typically Taught in School, But they are Increasingly Important in Order to Be Competitive at Work.

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While education, degrees, and certification are important for scoring an interview, a new study by the HR software provider iCIMS finds that recruiters place a higher value on soft skills. From an ability to communicate well to being organized, these intangible qualities can be tough to measure, but they affect everything from productivity to collaboration.

“Hard skills are what you do, and soft skills are how you do it,” says Susan Vitale, chief marketing officer for iCIMS. “Unfortunately, one in three recruiting professionals believe job candidates’ soft skills have gotten worse in the past five years.”

The good news for both candidates and employers is everyone possesses some soft skills, says Jodi Chavez, president of the staffing firm Randstad Professionals. “The challenge is determining which are strongest, and which are most in-demand for certain roles,” she says. “Companies can train employees in technical skills. Soft skills, on the other hand, are far harder to teach, which is why, in a low unemployment market, companies should be looking to hire for soft skills and train for technical skills.”

If you’re looking for a new job, these are the top-five soft skills recruiters are looking for:

1. PROBLEM SOLVING

The most important soft skill was the ability to solve problems, with 62% of recruiters seeking people who can find solutions, according to iCIMS. This soft skill was also the most important for the employee who wants to work in management.

“Problem solving isn’t practiced as much today as it once was,” says Vitale. “You can go to Google for answers, and we’re not challenged the way we used to be.”

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2. ADAPTABILITY

The second most important soft skill is adaptability, with 49% of recruiters looking for this trait. This skill was ranked as very important for entry-level positions.

“Larger organizations value problem solving and adaptability the most,” says Vitale.

3. TIME MANAGEMENT

The third soft skill in demand is an ability to successfully manage time, with 48% of recruiters placing importance on this characteristic.

“Entry-level workers often come out of the gate being poor at time management, but they can learn strategies on how to run their day,” says Vitale. “It’s most important in smaller organizations, because you have to pivot and wear many hats.”

4. ORGANIZATION

Being organized is the fourth most sought-after soft skill, with 39% of recruiters ranking it as desirable. It’s often demonstrated in your behavior during the interview process. The most common mistakes, according to the study, include showing up late, forgetting to thank the interviewer, and forgetting the interviewer’s name.

5. ORAL COMMUNICATION

Finally, the ability to speak in public and communicate with others is the fifth most valued soft skill, with 38% of recruiters looking for this skill.

“Good communication skills are, of course, essential,” says Chavez. “Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and even slow down the workflow, preventing a company from moving forward.”

ROLE AND INDUSTRY

While soft skills are important in nearly every job, they can be role specific, says Chavez. “In a management position where the role requires one to lead a team, deliver on a project, or drive results, soft skills like emotional intelligence and teamwork are most important,” she says. “However, in roles where someone might work remotely from home, the key soft skills would be adaptability, communication and multitasking.”

The iCIMS study found that certain fields look for soft skills more than others, such as people who work in customer service, human resources, and sales/marketing. For technical jobs, they aren’t as vital. Nearly 1 in 5 of recruiters for IT jobs think soft skills are more important than hard skills, and 24% of recruiters weigh soft skills over hard skills for R&D jobs.

“I want my doctor to have hard skills first and soft skills next,” says Vitale. “But if they’re lacking in soft skills, I might not return.”

HOW TO CONVEY YOUR SOFT SKILLS

While we all have soft skills, demonstrating them during the job application process can be a challenge. “They don’t come across on a resume because there’s no certification,” says Vitale.

Be sure to highlight your strengths by using searchable keywords in your job description. “Whether a candidate lists their soft skills all together or breaks them out under the individual positions in which they honed them, it’s essential to include them somewhere,” says Chavez.

Recruiters will also use the screening processes to look for soft skills, so be prepared. Prior to an interview, come up with a short list of your strongest soft skills and be ready to share a few specific examples of when you showcased them in the workplace, Chavez suggests.

“For instance, talk about a time when your communication skills clarified a misunderstanding, or discuss how your leadership style came into play when they took charge of a negative situation and turned it into a positive one,” she says. “Candidates must also emphasize their ability to work well with others and should refrain from speaking poorly of a previous or current employer or company, as it will never reflect positively on them.”

Don’t be afraid to ask a recruiter which soft skills the organizations values most, adds Vitale. “Most employers fall down when it comes to transparency, and they aren’t saying out of the gate what they want,” she says. “Not all call them soft skills; sometimes they describe core competencies or workplace culture.”

In the end, candidates need to be cheerleaders for themselves, says Chavez. “Shift the conversation to highlight your soft skills even if an interviewer does not specifically ask,” she says.

FastCompany.com | January 26, 2018 | BY STEPHANIE VOZZA 4 MINUTE READ