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#Leadership : How I’ve Learned To Fight Loneliness And Isolation As A CEO…When Everyone’s Looking to You for Answers, one CEO Recounts from Experience, the Pressures can be Intense.

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 Martin Senn, the former head of Zurich Insurance, committed suicide in May this year, less than three years after two other top Swiss executives took their own lives. It’s difficult to generalize from individual tragedies like these, but it’s just as difficult not to see a common thread. It’s long been argued that companies could do a lot more to support their employees’ mental health and well-being, considering that so many of those pressures arise in the workplace.

Free- Bench on a Lonely Beach

What’s clear is that CEOs aren’t exempt from the pressures. Many execs face intense scrutiny in their roles and bear the mental and emotional burden of guiding their companies to success and protecting their employees’ livelihoods—and that’s outside of any issues in their personal lives.

LONELINESS IN THE CORNER OFFICE

So many roll their eyes at the notion that highly compensated business leaders need or deserve special attention. And at a time when so many Americans struggle just to find a decently paid job, that sentiment is understandable. But it doesn’t diminish or negate the reality that the c-suite offers no shelter from psychological pressures—many of which are unique to those in leadership positions.

A survey by RHR International found that half of CEOs report experiencing feelings of loneliness in their roles. Of this group, 61% believe isolation hinders their performance. That’s a significant proportion of top executives who are suffering and not performing at their peak. Executive loneliness and isolation is bad for people and bad for business.

In my experience, fear and ego are two of the main causes of this kind of isolation. On the one hand, there’s fear of appearing inadequate and the concern that asking for help could make others doubt your judgment. After all, CEOs are supposed to have all the answers—the buck stops with you. Meanwhile, your ego is telling you that you really don’t need others to help make big decisions; who knows your business better than you do? Combined, these two factors can prevent even highly capable CEOs from turning to others for support when they need it most.

When times are good, you may not even notice this. It’s when your business faces real struggles that the risks and consequences of loneliness come into play. In the 2008—2009 financial crisis, my business was in desperate shape and everyone was looking to me for answers. I could feel the walls closing in. Here are some steps I was able to take to overcome those feelings of anxiety and loneliness and get myself—and my company—back in gear.

1. DON’T WAIT TO FIND PEER SUPPORT

For me, one of the most revelatory things was simply realizing that I wasn’t alone in being alone. Lots of other CEOs out there were experiencing the same challenges and going through the same emotions. I just had to look outside my own company and immediate circle to find them.

For me, the Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO), a group of CEOs from companies around the world, has been an incredible channel for connecting with peers who’ve had similar experiences. During regular meetings with my YPO forum group—eight to 10 CEOs or other top decision makers from non-competing businesses—we all share the challenges we’re facing and speak frankly about how we’re trying to tackle them.

In 2009, when BuildDirect was teetering on the brink of collapse, I confessed to my forum mates that in about a month’s time we wouldn’t be able to make payroll. This was an incredibly scary thing to admit, but just being able to say it out loud to others helped me unlock the creative thinking it took to come up with a solution.

Bottom line: There are other people out there who have gone through the exact same challenges. Finding them—even if it means looking outside your company—is a first step toward overcoming isolation.

 

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2. LET YOURSELF FEEL VULNERABLE, THEN LET PEOPLE IN

Vulnerability is all about inviting others into your world, making it a natural antidote to loneliness. The challenge is taking that first step and letting down your defenses. I’ve found that simply confiding in people from the get-go—essentially, trusting first and asking questions later—can dramatically improve ties with your team. While you never know what kind of response you’ll get, in my experience the benefits far outweigh the risks.

This isn’t a unique perspective on my part. Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has spoken previously about the importance of vulnerability and transparency and the role they played when his company was struggling in 2008. Instead of trying to become the lone savior of Starbucks, Schultz helped his employees understand the challenges the company was facing and empowered them to become part of the solution. But he first had to let his own guard down as their leader in order to do that.

I’ve seen the power of this firsthand. During the crisis, I held a company-wide meeting and explained to everyone that we would have to shut down BuildDirect if we couldn’t figure our way out of the problems we were facing. Rather than drawing up a strategy behind closed doors and hoping for the best, laying everything out there in the open encouraged the whole team to take ownership of our challenges and work toward solving it, which we ultimately did.

3. STAY GRATEFUL WHEN IT’S HARDEST

When I think about how fortunate I am to have a loving family, good health, and the ability to make positive contributions to the world around me, it’s hard to get bogged down in despair or loneliness for too long. A 2007 study, in fact, found that gratitude led directly to “higher levels of perceived social support, and lower levels of stress and depression”—just one of the psychological benefits of simple thankfulness.

The challenge, as always, is remembering all of this in the heat of the moment. For me, maintaining this perspective is all about routine and repetition. I work hard to carve out dedicated time for family and friends—then try and protect that time when I do. My family sometimes takes trips to a cabin, and when we’re there, I do my best to make sure I give my full attention to things like swimming, campfires, and enjoying each other’s company—not work. That may sound simple, but any business leader knows how hard it can be. In the end, gratitude is almost like a muscle: It’s something you have to consciously exercise or else you risk losing it.

Media coverage of high-profile CEOs tends to ramp up whenever things are going really well or really badly, and that can add a real psychological pressure on execs themselves. For leaders who judge their success by that popular narrative, the pressures on them can build, sometimes with terrible consequences.

But great CEOs know—and always try to remind themselves, especially when it’s hardest—that it’s never about them. It’s about the impact that their businesses have on others. They build relationships and teams that pass credit for success onto other people. They stand in when mistakes are made, shielding their teams so that experimenting and learning can continue. As I’ve come to understand, win or lose, knowing it’s not all about you—and never has been—can make a big difference.

Jeff Booth is cofounder and CEO of BuildDirect. Follow him on Twitter at @JeffBooth.

 

FastCompany.com | JEFF BOOTH 07.27.16 5:00 AM

#Leadership : 2 Business School Professors Explain How you Can Become a More Authentic Leader…The Newly Appointed Ask Themselves: Am I Tough Enough? Extroverted Enough? Can I Deal with the Constant Exposure? Faced with this Uncertainty, #Leaders Naturally Look for Models they can Emulate.

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Few transitions test one’s character like moving to a senior leadership role. It’s one thing to gain mastery of a particular function or skillset; it’s quite another to take responsibility for, and earn the respect of, employees from different backgrounds, functions, and cultures.

Free- Stones stacked on each other

For many leaders, this transition is marked by a period of self-doubt. The newly appointed ask themselves: Am I tough enough? Extroverted enough? Can I deal with the constant exposure? Faced with this uncertainty, leaders naturally look for models they can emulate.

But interestingly, imitating the leadership styles of others may not be the best way to go. “People often think they need to change or mold themselves into an idealized version of leadership,” says Brenda Booth, a clinical professor of management at the Kellogg School. “This creates a kind of impostor syndrome. They think that if they are truly themselves, people won’t accept it.”

Becoming a leader does not require adopting a new persona; it means amplifying your true self with focus and discipline. The key is to be authentic — to draw from one’s own experiences, values, and strengths.

“Authenticity is not a license to be excessively focused on the self,” says Brooke Vuckovic, an adjunct professor of leadership coaching at the Kellogg School. “It’s about being aligned with your character and values in order to lead effectively. That takes work.”

So how does a new senior leader achieve this alignment? Booth and Vuckovic offer five tips for how to lead authentically.

1. Know yourself.

“The cornerstone of authenticity is self-awareness,” Booth says. “It is about being comfortable in your own skin so you can lead the organization in a way where you do not feel ethically compromised or like a charlatan.”

In part, this means being aware of your unique character, values, strengths, and shortcomings. Decades of research on leadership shows that there is no one right way to lead. Instead, what distinguishes leaders is their ability to understand the impact they have on other people. “Many leaders are characteristically outgoing,” Booth says. “They thrive in social settings and give bold, inspirational speeches. However, more introverted types can be great leaders, too.”

Take, for example, Douglas Conant, a self-described introvert (and Kellogg alum) who became CEO of Campbell’s Soup in 2001 — a turbulent year. Despite overseeing a period of layoffs, Conant was able to boost morale, achieve results, and earn the respect of employees throughout the company.

He did this not by delivering grandiose, fist-pounding speeches at company-wide meetings, but by drawing upon his natural gift for connecting in more intimate settings. One of his trademark moves was to walk the halls, which allowed him to meet employees one-on-one or in smaller groups.

And he always sent handwritten notes to those he wanted to acknowledge. “That was his version of authentic leadership,” Booth says. “He had a personal touch.” The point is not to find the appropriate dial on the introvert–extrovert meter; it is simply to be aware of your personality and use it to your advantage.

Perhaps even more fundamental than personality is understanding one’s values and purpose. One way to explore your values and purpose, Vuckovic says, is to take the time to review your life in detailed chapters, which can help you understand yourself in narrative terms. “Stories help leaders explain where they came from, what they stand for, and why they lead. All of this is related to the vision they project,” Vuckovic says.

“Most leaders are not driven by shareholder value alone,” she continues. So it is critical to develop a strong understanding of what motivates you — and how you want to motivate others. “Is recognition important? Is having a fun-loving culture important? The clearer you are about what motivates you and those around you, the more authentic and effective you will be as a leader.”

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2. Learn to connect.

Whether you are speaking to a packed auditorium or chatting with a single employee, it is important to make a sincere connection that matches the needs of the situation.

“This capacity to connect and demonstrate ease is a central component of executive presence. Those who demonstrate the qualities that make up ‘likability’ convey warmth, for certain, but also congruence,” Vuckovic says.

In other words, your actions should align with your words, and your words with your emotional affect. But being congruent also means adapting to the situation at hand. If a leader prepares for a large meeting but it turns out only six people attend, it might put others off if that leader insisted on formalistically sticking to the script. “It’s usually incongruence that makes people feel you are inauthentic,” she says.

Leaders should also be hyper-aware of the culture in which they are operating. “You want to be yourself — but with care,” Vuckovic says.

3. Be discreet.

“Being an authentic leader doesn’t mean revealing inappropriate personal details, talking about yourself incessantly, or telling people how you feel all the time,” Vuckovic says. “The point of being authentic is that it frees you up to be others-focused. So you should always ask yourself before personal disclosure: Is this relevant to the task at hand? Does this contribute to this individual understanding my values and decision here?”

Disclosing too much information — especially if it is highly personal — can have a negative impact on a leader’s reputation and can call into questions their capacity to self-monitor.

There is also the question of how transparent leaders should be about high-level decision making. “Sometimes being fully transparent is neither prudent nor an option,” Booth says.

Consider a scenario where senior management is discussing a possible reorganization. If a decision has not yet been made, it would not make sense to share this information with employees, since productivity would clearly suffer. And in the case of a merger or spin-off, top management must sometimes keep information confidential due to fiduciary reasons.

4. Play to your strengths.

Every leader has strengths and weaknesses. Some are good at boosting morale; others are good at ensuring productivity. Some are natural-born mentors; others prefer to keep more distance. It is important to know your limitations and figure out how to compensate for them — possibly by making sure other leaders can assist in playing those roles.

“If you need to impose cost reductions or cut staff, that would require tough leadership,” Booth says. “If you need to boost morale — that’s a different kind of leadership.” A single leader may be able to do both authentically, but not everyone has that range.

“Some people are hardwired to be hard as nails,” she says, pointing to Donald Rumsfeld, who was famous in the intelligence community for ruthless efficiency. “He would randomly call first-line supervisors or analysts and ask them what they were doing,” she says. “He’s not the guy for boosting morale.”

5. Keep requesting feedback.

Authentic leaders welcome feedback, both formal and informal, though Booth cautions against worrying too much about popularity. “Being authentic is not a popularity contest,” Booth says. “People may not like what you do even if you are authentic. But if you focus on what is right for the organization, make ethical choices, and treat employees with dignity in the process, then chances are you will earn the respect of the vast majority.”

If the feedback deals with a known weakness — for example, chronic impatience — it is helpful to track your own progress. A leader may occasionally learn of a flaw they had not been aware of — say, awkward body language. They will also have to keep the context of the feedback in mind when deciding on how to respond.

Vuckovic takes the example of an introverted leader whose predecessor was a charismatic extrovert: “Someone might say to you, ‘I wish you would hold more rah-rah meetings like we used to — they got people really excited,’” she says. “And, let’s say that you’ve seen those and you know you can’t pull them off authentically and that you would be a poor imitation of another.

First, you need to determine what those rah-rah meetings achieved — was it communication? Socializing with others? Celebration? For you, it may better to achieve those goals in a different way or to support someone else conducting those meetings. Identify what is needed, and then determine the ‘how’ in a way that is authentic to you.”

“You need honest people to act as whetstones — to keep you sharp and in line with your values,” Vuckovic says. “But remember: you get to filter that feedback and decide what to act on. There may be times when you say, ‘I hear you, I understand what you’re saying, but I’m not going to change a thing.’”

Read the original article on Kellogg Insight. Copyright 2016.

Businessinsider.com | March 21, 2016 | Drew Calvert, Kellogg Insight