#CareerAdvice : What To Do If You Work For A Narcissistic Boss. What Are The Warning Signs & What to Do? Thoughts/Suggestions?
Have you ever started a job and had a weird feeling about your new boss? They seemed polite, considerate and caring during the interview process. The manager made exciting promises about career growth within the organization. They confided in you that they were on a fast track to becoming a top executive and would take you along for the ride.
Over time, you’ve noticed a change. The supervisor has a darker side: a highly inflated ego, an inflated sense of entitlement and a glaring lack of empathy for their team.
At first, you may have given your boss the benefit of the doubt. You rationalize that you’ve all been under a great deal of stress and anxiety over the last two years dealing with the pandemic. You make an excuse for them, telling yourself that you never really never know what a person is going through. You tell your co-workers that problems at home could be the reason for the outbreaks.
As time progresses, it becomes clear that it’s more than just having a difficult boss. The person is disconnected from reality. Your manager may be a narcissist.
Here are some signs to watch out for to determine if you’re working for a narcissistic boss.
What Is a Narcissist?
A narcissistic boss is not like the boss from Dilbert—this person is on a whole other level. A narcissistic personality disorder demonstrates a pattern of arrogant, self-centered actions.
The boss is devoid of empathy, lacks consideration for the staff and constantly needs people to provide them affirmation and adoration. You’ll notice that the supervisor tries to manipulate and take advantage of the weaknesses of others. The manager is primarily concerned with their career and disinterested in the growth of their staff.
The workplace becomes toxic as narcissists create friction, tension and drama to gain a continual flow of attention.
A disturbing element of narcissists is that they are drawn to power and are status seekers. They possess the learned skills of seizing opportunities to advance themselves up the corporate ladder without any regard for those who are trampled upon to get there.
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What are the Warning Signs To Look Out For
A narcissistic boss feels entitled to privileges and special treatment. They will manipulate workers to get what they want, even if it means stealing credit for another person’s work product.
They’ll constantly seek out praise from their staff. They’ll exaggerate their importance and contributions to put themselves on a pedestal. Of course, they won’t be humble about any small accomplishment and brag or outright lie about what they’ve done at the office. They’ll pick out pet employees who will stroke their massive egos. The narcissist won’t apologize, as it’s always someone else’s fault.
Their behavior can make the workplace feel hostile and toxic. They’ll pit people against each other. Instead of offering psychological safety, narcissists will feel free to hurl abuses at their staff and dress them down in public.
The Impact On Your Career And Mental Health
If you work for this type of person, it’s a foregone conclusion that your mental and emotional well-being will be impacted. You’ll worry about holding onto your job due to the mercurial tendencies of the boss. One day, they’ll love you and the next day, you’ll get ignored or yelled at.
If you show signs of promise to upper management, the temperamental narcissist will look at it as a personal threat and try to sabotage your promotion and advancement. Any minor deviance from the manager’s strategy will be perceived as a personal attack and will be met with punishment.
The boss will use a “divide and conquer” approach, pitting people against each other. A worker who doesn’t kowtow to the boss will be ostracized. If you point out a problem that needs tending to, the manager will gaslight you into making you feel that you caused it, even though it was the narcissist’s fault.
Fear runs rampant within the division. Employees don’t know if the manager will praise or admonish their work. It’s easy to start doubting yourself and your abilities. It becomes increasingly hard to focus, as you’re always worried about an outburst from your boss. You’ll start feeling on edge, calling out sick and taking days off work.
What You Need To Do About It
If you need the job, you’ll have to learn to go along and play the game. Try to gain an understanding of the person. Figure out ways to ingratiate yourself with them. It may feel demeaning, but feed into their ego with flattery and praise to stay on the person’s good side. Make them shine in a meeting. Give the credit for a successful project to the boss, even though you did all the hard work and put in the long hours.
Unfortunately, this is only a Band-Aid solution. You can’t change a narcissist. Usually, going to senior management or human resources would be the solution. However, in this instance, it most likely won’t work.
The manager is not rational or reasonable, so they’d likely lie and blame everything on you. They probably even have a file of trumped-up charges of things you supposedly did wrong.
Rather than fighting a losing battle or trying to redeem the person, you may be better off cutting your losses and moving on to another opportunity for the sake of your mental health.
Forbes.com | August 16, 2022 | Jack Kelly