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Your #Career : #Networking – 9 Questions the Most Interesting People Ask to Cut through Small Talk…Early in my Career, One of my Biggest Fears Walking into a #NetworkingEvent to Schmooze or Meeting Someone for a #BusinessLunch was Boring the Other Person to Tears in Conversation.

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  • Showing curiosity in someone is the fastest way to establish a connection with them while conversing.
  • To skip past the small talk and have a meaningful interaction, asking pointed, unique questions.
  • “What excites you right now?” and “What’s the most important thing I should know about you?” are two examples.


I remember early in my career, one of my biggest fears walking into a networking event to schmooze or meeting someone for a business lunch was boring the other person to tears in conversation.

I didn’t want to be the windbag who dragged on forever, so I learned to be brief, to the point, and actually listen to the other person with all my being. I eventually avoided the mistake of talking about polarizing topics like politics or race, and learned to stay neutral, positive, and upbeat.

I began to tune in to my body language and voice tone to avoid sounding monotone, or looking like a bump on a log. I trained my brain to show emotions, laugh at people’s jokes, smile when they smile, and make light of awkward situations.

The biggest lesson I learned in conversations with others

But the biggest lesson for ensuring that I was being an interesting person who drew others in came down to asking the right questions. I found that this is what triggered authentic responses in the other person.

By showing curiosity about someone’s story, accomplishments, passions, or interests, the law of reciprocity usually kicked in, and I had my turn to shine. There was a bonus attached to this strategy: Persuasion increased, which helped me steer the conversation in the direction I wanted it to go.

But here’s the key: If you’re in a conversation at a work-related function or meeting someone to talk business for the first time, your best move is not to ask work- or business-related questions; it’s to discover common ties with that person that will steer the conversation back to the “work stuff,” but with a deeper connection.

In other words, get to know that person! To really exercise persuasiveness and make a quick connection that may have mutual benefits (and possibly make a new friend), I’ll leave you with these questions. Granted, some may not be your ideal, icebreaking conversational starters, so use your best judgment when and where to use them to deepen the conversation.

David Burkus, best-selling author of three books and an award-winning podcaster, has contributed the first four questions on this list from an interesting article he wrote for Harvard Business Review. The others come from my own personal favorites and what other entrepreneurs and great conversationalists recommend.

1. What excites you right now?

As Burkus explains it, this question can go in many directions (work life, personal life, etc.) with a wide range of possible answers that may overlap into your life or work, which will open up the conversation further. And asking it allows for the other person to share something that he or she is passionate about.

 

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2. What are you looking forward to?

Similar to the last one, but this is more forward-looking, which, says Burkus, allows for the other person “to choose from a bigger set of possible answers.”

3. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this year?

Same technique as the previous two, but this one goes back in time for the other person to reflect on something pivotal that may have changed the course of his or her life. It also opens up a wealth of answers to choose from, which may overlap into some of your own areas of interest or expertise for further discussion.

4. What’s the most important thing I should know about you?

Because it can come across as a little direct, this is certainly not your first question, and it may not even be your third or fourth, but it “gives the broadest possible range from which they can choose,” says Burkus. Use it in context, listen for clues, and wait for the right timing.

5. What’s your story?

One of my personal favorites, this is open-ended enough to trigger an intriguing story—a journey to a foreign country, meeting a famous person, getting funded for the startup of your dreams, a special talent used for making the world a better place, etc. It’s a question that immediately draws in the other person and lets him or her speak from the heart.

6. What is one of your defining moments?

This is another great question that invites the speaker to share on a deeper level, which builds momentum and rapport quicker. Obviously, a few casual questions before it helps set the mood for hearing about a profound moment or transition in that person’s life.

7. Why did you choose your profession?

This assumes that, at some point, you dropped the mandatory “What do you do?” question. As a follow-up, it’s a question that will reveal multiple layers of someone’s journey. It speaks to people’s values, what motivates them, and whether their work is their calling. It may also trigger a different, more thought-provoking response: Some people aren’t happy in their jobs. By asking, you may be in the position to assist or mentor a person through a career or job transition.

8. What are you currently reading?

You may have the same authors and subjects in common, which will deepen your conversation. Also use this question to ask for book recommendations. You may find the conversation going down the path of exploring mutual book ideas to solve a workplace issue or implement a new business strategy.

9. How can I be most helpful to you right now?

To really add the most value to a conversation, once a level of comfort has been established, ask the other person how you can be most helpful to him or her, whether personally or professionally. You’ll be amazed how pleasantly surprised people get by that thoughtful gesture, and how responsive they are in their answer. Your genuine willingness, no strings attached, to make yourself useful to others leads to more interesting, engaging, and real conversations that may lead to future opportunities.

Remember, when you approach another person in conversation, the skill you want to use right off the bat is to immediately show sincere interest in that person. This will pave the way for a smooth conversation that can go places.

Whatever question you decide to use, the important thing is to always ask open-ended questions and to avoid work-related questions or business questions until much, much later in the conversation. You’ll be surprised by how seamless the transition is to discussing business, conducting a sales pitch, or exploring partnerships once both parties are into each other. Try it, and let me know what you think.

 

Businessinsider.com | February 24, 2018 |  Marcel Schwantes, Inc.

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Your #Career : What I Learned When I Got Laid Off In A City I’d Just Moved…To This Texas Transplant’s Position was Cut just as She was Settling into her New York job, But it Actually Opened up her Options.

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When I moved to New York city to take a job as a creative director in 2014, I was ecstatic. After purging at least 70% of my belongings, I happily traded shoe-melting Dallas summers for eyelash-freezing New York winters.

Free- Lighthouse on Cloudy Weather

It was the first time I’d lived anywhere outside of Texas, so adjusting to my new home and the unsettling lack of Tex-Mex took longer than expected. Then, just about the time I started to feel settled into my new city, I got laid off. Here’s what it taught me.

GETTING ACQUAINTED WITH UNEMPLOYMENT

The first two weeks of unemployment were the worst. I hadn’t had time to build a New York–based professional network anywhere near the size of the one I’d had in Dallas. Despite that, I still managed to get enough support to update my portfolio, survive a nasty fight with depression and anxiety, and land a freelance gig as a creative director.

Some of my ad-industry buddies insist that freelancing in New York is the only way to go. There are tons of opportunities, and you can make a ton of money doing it if you can stomach inconsistent gigs (which I cannot) and if you love networking (which I do not): I need to know exactly how much my next check is going to be and when I’m going to get it. And the thought of saying things like, “Lemme shoot you my contact info so we can have a convo about those opps!” to multiple cocktail-holding industry strangers makes me want to run screaming into a busy intersection.

 

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Luckily, the contract I took was a solid one-month commitment that, thanks to following my favorite four-word rule, turned into two months and, eventually, a full-time offer. The freelance opportunity helped me with so much more than paying rent. I made amazing new connections, got a fresh (and desperately needed) boost of self-esteem, and had the chance I needed to decide what I really wanted to be doing and where I wanted to do it.

Feeling like this particular full-time job just wasn’t right for me, I declined the offer. But with my newfound confidence I decided to try to find that perfect fit—and, like most things in life, it played out a bit differently than I’d imagined it would.

LOCATION, VOCATION, LOCATION

It’s always easier to find a new job when you have one. Negotiating for a better salary, title, and benefits doesn’t work nearly as well when you’re making $0, your title is “unemployed,” and the only benefit you have is being able to send emails from your phone in bed all day. During my new agency contract, I had the luxury of investigating alternative options, knowing the freelance gig could turn into a full-time gig if I wanted it.

Because I wasn’t afraid of unemployment anymore, I had the confidence to ask tough questions that I knew might make people uncomfortable (calling out bad reviews from former employees, for example). I countered existing job descriptions with the ones I actually wanted. I developed proposals around the salary band I thought I deserved based on market research and help from recruiter friends, and used facts and figures to push for it.

I began turning interviewers into interviewees, asking them questions about their company’s vision of the future, and determining whether I wanted to be part of it. I focused less on getting in with the big-name agencies and more on finding a spot that felt like the best fit for me.

“NEW YORK I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU’RE BRINGING ME DOWN”

Back when I only visited New York for business trips, I saw the city as a magical wonderland of art, theater, and intense connections. But as a resident, I saw it as a crowded, angry place that taught me to keep my head down, walk fast, and stay guarded. On the one hand, that was disappointing. On the other, it piqued my curiosity about places I’d previously dismissed.

A native Texan, I spent my formative years in Dallas devouring queso, chugging sweet tea, and enjoying the fact that 90% of my family lived within an hour radius of me. As a 15-month Brooklyn resident, I’d captured hundreds of short stories inspired by people on my subway commute, discovered the value of weatherproof boots, and tapped into an energy unlike any I’d experienced before.

Now I had a chance to try something completely different. New sights. New stories. New people. And the way that thought got my heart pumping was enough to counteract the dread of packing and moving once again.

Eventually, I got a call from an interested Seattle-based recruiter. Had I received it prior to my New York adventure, I likely would’ve turned down the opportunity. But because I already knew the excitement a cross-country move could offer, I was open to the idea.

I found what turned out to be the perfect fit: an agency I’d never heard of in a city I never thought I’d live in. Through two months of deep, honest conversations with everyone from the recruiter to the CEO, I’d found a place where I felt I could make a difference.

Was I terrified about packing up and moving across the country yet again? Absolutely. Would I want it any other way? No way. Being scared is always better than being stuck.

 

FastCompany.com | KATE KEMP, MONSTER |  07.13.16 

Your #Career : Networking- This Is What You Do When You Want to Own The Room Within 5 Minutes…When Applying these Steps, it Can be Hard to Know How Well you Did. Don’t Succumb to Doubt. Believe in Yourself & What you Have put Forward

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Owning a room is a quintessential skill when navigating both the professional and social worlds. It’s more than looking someone in the eye, having a firm handshake and bringing enough business cards.

business people shaking hands make deal and sign contract

These are the cornerstones of creating a rapport with others, but there’s so much more to presenting the best version of yourself. When you’re on your game, you’ll project charisma, command attention, and inspire trust with your confidence, openness and versatility. It’s about doing your homework, asserting leadership and connecting in a way that will leave an impression long after you’ve left.

Sound like you? If not, don’t worry. These things can be learned. Follow these nine easy tips, and you’ll be prepared to walk into that room as if it always belonged to you.

1. Be prepared.
You’ve heard it over and over, because it’s true — knowledge is power. Who are you meeting, and what is important to them? What are their interests, and what do you have to offer that might catch their attention? Giving yourself the time to formulate a strategy that’s targeted to your audience can make all the difference. To quote another aphorism, “by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

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2. Walk in with a firm (yet flexible) goal.

Know why you’re there and what you want. Bruce Lee once said, “a goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.” Think of your goal as a direction, rather than a destination, and you’ll have a much easier time finding your way. And on the way, to take another suggestion from Lee, learn to be like water. There are no perfect fits, but combining adaptability with a clear sense of your goals will allow you to find common ground. Still, water doesn’t mix with everything. In your search for common ground, know when you’ve hit a dead end. If your goals simply can’t align with who you’re talking to, don’t waste your time — or theirs. Walk with purpose.

3. Dress the part and enter strong.
British author Thomas Fuller said, “good clothes open all doors.” Dress to impress for a good first impression when you stride through that door. If you’re having trouble determining the dress code, go back to step one. Your research should provide you with a sense of what your audience will expect when they first see you. Then make sure that your ensemble is clean and pressed. This is the first impression you’ll be making, and you want to begin the race with a head start. That said, don’t be afraid to let a little personality show. Dressing professionally is all well and good, but think of it as a nice picture frame presenting you.

4. Put the phone down.
According to the Pew Research Center, 67 percent of people check their phone for messages or alerts, even without the prompt of a ring or vibration. Dividing your attention when it should be focused on the people in front of you is a major no-no. Unless you’re using it in your presentation, keep your phone in your pocket. You are there for the people you’re meeting, and if you’re checking your phone, it communicates that you’re not interested in them. Do yourself a favor, and turn the phone off. Your messages can wait. The people in front of you shouldn’t have to.

5. Smile and gesture.
If dressing the part is the cake, a good smile is the icing. Researchers at Harvard University and the University of California concluded that smiling is contagious. Your smile really can light up a room! Be the pleasant, friendly person they want to talk to. Make them want to engage. And gesticulate, using body language to draw others in. This magnifies your presence and joy, making you a bright personality that they won’t want to look away from.

6. Pay attention to what they’re saying, and what they’re not saying.
Like checking your rear view mirror, it’s vital to take stock of what isn’t in front of you in a conversation. What are they avoiding talking about? How are they holding themselves? Are they leaning forward? Are they drawing back or folding their arms and legs? Take these factors into account when you respond. And remember that this advice goes double for you. Like your expression and your gestures, your body language will communicate wordlessly with your audience.

7. Don’t commit until you’re convinced.
Research published by the Journal of Consumer Research found that rejecting projects that conflict with your core wants and beliefs leads to more productivity. Don’t say yes unless you can say it with confidence, because the people you bring into your life, and the projects that occupy your time, should be worthwhile. Networking and working for their own sake won’t make you look impressive. In fact, you might end up looking desperate. Don’t overcommit, and don’t accept just anything. Let them want to impress you.

8. Avoid complaining and criticizing.
“People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining,” says Stephen Hawking. Instead of looking for problems, find out what other people want and try to be their solution. Be that answer everyone has been looking for. Even if you don’t have a complete solution, look for ways to move toward one, as opposed to bashing the opposition. Presenting an understanding, positive viewpoint is better than being antagonistic.

9. Don’t just think it — know it.
I can’t stress it enough — be prepared. It is essential to be able to talk the talk and walk the walk. Come off as an expert, speaking confidently and fluently about what your goals are, what you know about them and why you’re there. And don’t fake it! The point isn’t to pretend you know what you mean, but to effectively translate that you do know your stuff, and you’re not afraid to step up.

When applying these steps, it can be hard to know how well you did. Don’t succumb to doubt. Believe in yourself and what you have put forward. Follow this advice, and you won’t need a receipt to prove you owned the room. The messages waiting when you turn your phone back on will be enough.

 

entrepreneur.com | June 2016 | Jennifer Cohen