Leadership:9 Of The Worst Mistakes You Can Ever Make At Work…We’ve all Heard of (or seen firsthand) People Doing some Pretty Crazy Things at Work

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We’ve all heard of (or seen firsthand) people doing some pretty crazy things at work. Truth is, you don’t have to throw a chair through a window or quit in the middle of a presentation to cause irreparable damage to your career.

burnout

No matter how talented you are or what you’ve accomplished, there are certain behaviors that instantly change the way people see you (and forever cast you in a negative light).

The following list contains nine of the most notorious behaviors that you should avoid at all costs.

Telling Lies

So many lies begin with good intentions—people want to protect themselves or someone else—but lies have a tendency to grow and spread until they’re discovered, and once everyone knows that you’ve lied, there’s no taking it back.

Getting caught up in a lie, no matter how small, is exhausting and hard on your self-esteem. You have to be authentic if you want to be happy with who you are.

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Gossiping

People make themselves look terrible when they get carried away with gossiping about other people. Wallowing in talk of other people’s misdeeds or misfortunes may end up hurting their feelings if the gossip finds its way to them, but gossiping will make you look negative and spiteful every time, guaranteed.

Announcing That You Hate Your Job

The last thing anyone wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. Doing so labels you as a negative person and brings down the morale of the group. Bosses are quick to catch on to naysayers who drag down morale, and they know that there are always enthusiastic replacements waiting just around the corner.

Having an Emotional Hijacking

My company provides 360° feedback and executive coaching, and we come across far too many instances of people throwing things, screaming, making people cry, and other telltale signs of an emotional hijacking.

An emotional hijacking demonstrates low emotional intelligence, and it’s an easy way to get fired. As soon as you show that level of instability, people will question whether or not you’re trustworthy and capable of keeping it together when it counts.

Exploding at anyone, regardless of how much they might “deserve it,” turns a huge amount of negative attention your way. You’ll be labeled as unstable, unapproachable, and intimidating. Controlling your emotions keeps you in the driver’s seat. When you are able to control your emotions around someone who wrongs you, they end up looking bad instead of you.

Taking Credit for Someone Else’s Work

We’ve all experienced that stomach-dropping feeling that happens when you discover that someone has stolen your idea. Taking credit for someone else’s work­—no matter how small—creates the impression that you haven’t accomplished anything significant on your own. Stealing credit also shows that you have zero regard for your team and your working relationships.

Bragging

When someone hits a home run and starts celebrating as they run the bases, it’s safe to assume that they haven’t hit very many home runs. On the other hand, if they hit a home run and simply run the bases, it conveys a business-as-usual mentality, which is far more intimidating to the other team.

Accomplishing great things without bragging about them demonstrates the same strong mentality—it shows people that succeeding isn’t unusual to you.

Backstabbing

The name says it all. Stabbing your colleagues in the back, intentionally or otherwise, is a huge source of strife in the workplace. One of the most frequent forms of backstabbing is going over someone’s head to solve a problem. People typically do this in an attempt to avoid conflict, but they end up creating even more conflict as soon as the victim feels the blade. Anytime you make someone look bad in the eyes of their colleagues, it feels like a stab in the back, regardless of your intentions.

Eating Smelly Food

Unless you happen to work on a ship, your colleagues are going to mind if you make the entire place smell like day-old fish. The general rule of thumb when it comes to food at work is, anything with an odor that might waft beyond the kitchen door should be left at home.

It might seem like a minor thing, but smelly food is inconsiderate and distracting—and so easily avoidable. When something that creates discomfort for other people is so easily avoided, it tends to build resentment quickly. Your pungent lunch tells everyone that you just don’t care about them, even when you do.

Burning Bridges

So much of work revolves around the people you meet and the connections you make. Dropping an atomic bomb on any professional relationship is a major mistake.

One of TalentSmart’s clients is a large chain of coffee shops. They have a relatively high turnover, so when a barista quits, it isn’t usually taken personally. One barista, however, managed to burn every single bridge she had in a single day. The surprising thing is that she didn’t yell or do anything extreme; all she did was leave.

Without warning, she showed up to her Monday shift, told the store manager she was quitting (she had found a better-paying job somewhere else), and walked out. The result, of course, was that every shift that she was scheduled to work for the next two weeks had to be done with one less person, as she provided no time to find a replacement.

She most likely saw her actions as being offensive only to the manager (whom she didn’t like), but in reality, she created two miserable weeks for everyone who worked at the shop. She ruined her otherwise positive connections, with every single one of her colleagues.

Bringing It All Together

These behaviors sound extreme and highly inconsiderate, but they have a tendency to sneak up on you. A gentle reminder is a great way to avoid them completely.

What other behaviors should I add to this list? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

 

Forbes.com | ArTravis Bradberry

 

 

Strategy: How To Tell When People Lie & Make Them Tell The Truth…Why do People Lie? Because they Fear the Negative Consequences of Disclosing the Truth.

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When I served as a therapist for a number of years after earning my Masters in marriage and family therapy, I had a window into the private, secret lives of hundreds of people grappling with life’s most serious challenges. I found then, as I see in my daily life and coaching work today, that lying – to ourselves and to others – is a regular part of human existence for so many. I was trained to see the signs of lying, and to find new ways to create a safe space for people to tell the brutal, honest truth to themselves, and deal with it more effectively and positively.

I was intrigued, then, to learn about the new book Get The Truth: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Persuade Anyone To Tell All, by former CIA officers Philip Houston, Michael Floyd, and Susan Carnicero. They are among the most well-known experts in recognizing deceptive behavior and extracting an honest answer.

A follow-up to their New York Times bestseller Spy The Lie,the book teaches readers the simple methods they used in the CIA to get the truth out of absolutely anyone—without resorting to torture. Whether it’s speaking with your teenager about how that dent suddenly appeared in the car, or your spouse about a mysteriously deleted browser history, or your business partner about a discrepancy in the books, their step-by-step guide lays out how to apply these principles to all aspects of our lives.

I asked the authors to share their answers to my most pressing questions about lying, and here’s what they offered.

Kathy Caprino: Why do people lie? What are the top three reasons, and what are they afraid of if they tell the truth?

Philip Houston, Michael Floyd and Susan Carnicero:Here are the top reasons we’ve found:

Because they fear the negative consequences of disclosing the truth.

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These are the cases in which people engage in an active concealment of information that’s driven by a fear of what will happen if that information is revealed. The circumstances associated with these lies often involve an act of wrongdoing that the person wants to hide.

Because they want others to believe something about them that isn’t true.

Perhaps it’s a news anchor who claims to have been in a helicopter that was brought down by an RPG in a war zone, when he was actually in a different helicopter at the time. Maybe it’s a job candidate who embellishes his resume, or someone who fibs about his physical attributes in an online chat forum. These are the lies people tell as a means of enhancing the positive image that others have of them.

Because they want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

Whether it’s telling a friend that we love her dramatic new hairstyle when we really think it looks ridiculous on a woman her age, or telling a child that the picture he drew of the horse is beautiful when it really looks more like a misshapen table with a bust of a goblin on one end, we find ourselves telling these benevolent “social lies” quite readily as we navigate our way through the day.

Caprino: So, how can we spot a lie quickly and easily? What are the signs?

Houston et al: There are five categories of deceptive behavior that you need to look for:

Evasion: Think of these behaviors as linguistic acts of concealment. Example: Failure to answer the question.

Persuasion: These behaviors are aimed at convincing you of something, rather than conveying the information you’re asking for. Example: Invoking religion.

Manipulation: These behaviors are meant to disrupt your game plan. Example: Failure to understand a simple question.

Aggression: These behaviors are typically exhibited by a person who feels cornered, and who needs to lash out to get you to back off. Example: Attacking your credibility.

Reaction: These are behaviors that are triggered by the autonomic nervous system when your question creates a spike in anxiety. Example: Hand-to-face activity.

Your aim is to identify a cluster, which is defined as any combination of two or more deceptive behaviors, which can be verbal or nonverbal. Under our model, the first deceptive behavior has to occur within the first five seconds after the stimulus, which is your question. This way, you can reliably conclude that the behavior was prompted by your question.

Caprino: What are the key steps to take to get the truth out of anyone?

Houston et al: There are nine key steps to getting at the truth:

1. Adopt a sincere, understanding tone and demeanor.

There’s a saying to the effect that the guilty person seeks only to be understood, for to be understood gives the appearance of being forgiven. Far from confrontational or belligerent, the demeanor you project should be engaged, calm, empathetic, and most of all, sincere. Slowing your rate of speech and lowering your voice a bit will aid you tremendously in evincing sincerity.

2. Help the person rationalize his actions.

This will nudge him a step in the direction of being less focused on long-term consequences, and more focused on the reasons you’re giving him to see telling the truth as a viable option. Rationalizing his actions or behavior by reminding him, for example, that everyone is human, and that everyone makes mistakes, will help weaken his resolve to withhold the truth.

3. Minimize the seriousness of the situation.

The more you’re able to downplay the consequential nature of the matter about which the individual is withholding the truth, the more comfortable he will be to share the information you’re seeking. When he hears you say, “It’s important that we not blow this out of proportion,” he’ll be struck by how reasonable you are, and you’ll likely be perceived as much less of an adversary.

4. Socialize the situation so the person doesn’t feel so alone.

If I have the impression that you and others might think of me as a pariah if I admit that I did the bad thing, I’m going to be awfully reluctant to admit it. On the other hand, if you tell me this is the sort of thing you see all the time being done by men and women in all walks of life, I’m going to feel much less alienated.

5. Assure the individual that there is plenty of blame to go around.

Chances are, a person who wants to conceal the truth will not have adopted a “buck stops here” mentality. It’s always easier for someone to fess up if he sees that the finger isn’t being pointed solely at him. Liberally shower the blame wherever you can convincingly do so—society, the system, management, bad apples are all potential accomplices in causing the bad thing to happen.

6. Don’t allow the person to voice a lie or a denial.

If the person is in lying or denial mode, you don’t want his lips moving—the more opportunity he’s given to articulate the lie, the more psychologically entrenched he’ll become, and the less likely he will be to reverse himself and tell you the truth.

7. Take advantage of the power of repetition.

Human nature is such that the more frequently we hear something, the more likely we are to believe it, or to at least be open to the possibility. Remember that if the person is in denial mode, you don’t want his lips moving, so you’re the one doing the talking. Freely rearticulate the rationalization, minimization, socialization, and projection of blame that will help the person, even if only temporarily, to see things your way.

8. Use implicit rather than explicit language.

The more implicit you are in the language you use, the easier it will likely be for the person to buy in to what you’re saying. If you tell the person you want to work with him to help get the matter “resolved,” let his mind take that where it will. To you, “resolved” might mean a conviction. To him, it might mean something he can live with. Similarly, avoid any language that might remind the person of negative consequences: He “took” rather than “stole” the jewelry; he “gained unfair advantage” rather than “cheated” on the test; he “inappropriately touched” rather than “assaulted” the woman.

9. Never sit in judgment.

Remember that your goal from the outset was to get the truth, not to assume the roles of judge and jury . That goal will be considerably more difficult to accomplish if the person feels that you’re judging him, so make sure you avoid chastising or reprimanding him in any way. You want him to see you as a confidant, not as an arbiter of his fate.

To learn how to identify deceit and elicit the truth, visit Get The Truth: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Persuade Anyone To Tell All.

 

Forbes.com | Arpril 7, 2015 | Kathy Caprino 

Your Career: 7 Ways To Get Noticed At Work…“It’s about Results… And Likeability,”

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Over the course of my work as a career coach, I’ve had some exceptional clients. While I typically help eager job hunters get more clarity and job offers, I felt inspired to work with a young woman named Amy, who didn’t fit my usual profile.

resume-mistakes-11

Amy wasn’t concerned about landing a job, she was becoming increasingly concerned about getting ahead in her job. In her words, she’d been doing “everything” that was asked of her, but no one was acknowledging her efforts, let alone rewarding them. Meanwhile, other entry-level employees were flying past her with promotions and raises.

… Sound familiar?

We immediately got down to the specifics, assessing the culture and mission of Amy’s company. I learned that it was a small company with a very casual vibe, yet Amy couldn’t even get up the nerve to speak to the CEO when she saw her in the lunchroom. When I pointed out that her hesitation to communicate was hurting her chances of promotion, Amy was bewildered.

“It’s about results, right?” Amy asked.

“It’s about results… And likeability,” I shared.

How could Amy ever going to convince her colleagues that she cared about the business if she wouldn’t make any effort to engage with the people in it?

The truth is that the people who get promoted are doing more than just getting the work done.  Studies show that how we value an employee’s competence changes according to how much we like or dislike that person.

In other words,  being really good at your job isn’t enough.

For an employee to stand out, being likeable is a huge indicator for career success. The good news is that the biggest hindrance to likeability is apathy… This means you can change how others perceive you simply by making the choice to care.

There are steps you can take right now, regardless of your circumstances that will put you back on the promotion path, where you belong:

1. Take initiative. Are there any tasks that have been lingering on your boss’ to-do list for a few weeks? Have the office plants been calling out for water that everyone’s been too lazy to give them? A great way to get noticed is by taking on a project that no one wants to tackle, but that has to get done. I’ll never forget my last corporate job before becoming a career coach. One of my employees went out of her way to make a chart of the deliverables, and it just made my heart surge. It was a job that needed to be done but I hadn’t set aside any time for it, so when she took the initiative and presented it to me, it felt like Christmas morning!

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When you want to stand out at work use your job description as a starting point, not an end point.

2. Build rapport, everywhere. People who get big things done are people who know people, but the Amy’s of the world have a tendency to think that inter-office relationship building is too time-consuming and draining to be worthwhile. I teach hundreds of job hunters around the world the networking skills they need to create contacts out of thin air, and the truth is that it’s less complicated than people make it out to be. Start with a gesture: If you’re running out for Starbucks SBUX +1.03%, offer to pick up a latte for your coworker.

Networking is about kindness, mutual support and growth… Who’s in?

Every aspect of your professional life will improve if you get to know your colleagues and making them feel comfortable getting to know you. Once you’ve broken the ice, you won’t feel nearly as uncomfortable about initiating a conversation in the elevator.

3. Participate in the office’s extracurricular activities. Needless to say, I recommend minimizing the vodka cranberry cocktails during office happy hours, but know that the boundaries of good behavior don’t end with your sobriety. Back in my corporate life, I’ll never forget my company’s Halloween costume party, where a younger member of the team proudly showed up in an elaborately overdone get-up that was so tone-deaf and inappropriate. It distracted everyone else from enjoying the evening, and the mortified CEO “joked” that he’d never be able to take the employee seriously again.

The bottom line: When it comes to office events, never put more effort into your social persona than you’re putting into your professional persona, and when in doubt, always err on the side of maturity.

My colleague’s bad costume decision is undoubtedly going to show up in his bank account.

4. Do business development. Every organization has a bottom line, and if you’re bringing in new business opportunities, you will always be seen as an asset. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been hired for marketing; it’s all about contributing in a bigger way. This doesn’t mean you need to be a walking billboard for your employer, but you should maintain a keen awareness of the opportunities that surround you, whether you’re in a coffee line or a board meeting.

5. Be a team player. Sometimes you’re the star of the show, and sometimes you’re in the chorus. Being alert to your coworkers’ needs, and offering to help when their workload is overwhelming, is the best way to establish yourself as a team player.

You don’t need to be a martyr of self-sacrifice by staying late every single night to do someone else’s work, but stepping up without expecting any personal benefit will never go unnoticed or unappreciated.

6. Never talk smack. That’s the number one way to get noticed…and get fired. Your critiques may be spot-on and your impersonation of the boss might be the best in show, but don’t resort to gossip as a way of gaining popularity in the office.

It’s a universal truth that the person doing the trash talking always looks worse than the person who’s being trashed, even when the criticism is deserved. Stay above the fray at all costs.

7. Speak up. At 23 years old, I was hired to run a program for the Pentagon, and I’ll never forget my fear of speaking up as I sat in a sea of military leaders. The biggest shift in my career came when I took a quantum leap out of my comfort zone and started sharing my thoughts in staff meetings.

One day, they were trying to come up with a new approach for the program’s curriculum, and I sat there, mentally poking holes in all of their ideas. After they’d exhausted their options, I finally just let loose with my suggestions.

My input transformed the work we were doing, and my role on the team became more significant overnight.

It can be terrifying to put yourself out there, but the employee who’s still coming up with ideas long after the creativity fountain runs dry is a huge asset to any organization.

Over the course of a few months, Amy started to realize that having a voice in the workforce is like a muscle that grows stronger with frequent use. With each step forward, her self-consciousness loosened its grip and she became confident about seizing opportunities. She felt empowered to step up, regardless of whether it was to run a meeting or fix the copy machine.

The standout employees are the ones who behave like leaders, even when their title is Intern. The irony is that when you’re more focused on the results than the promotion, your title will change faster than you can even imagine.

If you don’t believe me, guess who’s now managing her company’s brand new office in London?

That would be—you guessed it—Amy.

 

Forbes.com | Arpil 3, 2015 | Ashley Stahl

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Your Career: Here’s How Much Money Millennials are Earning in each State…Millennials Aren’t Earning as Much Money as their Parents Did When They were Young

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They came of age during tough economic times — student debt has reached an all-time high and the job market is more competitive than ever.

girls, women, hipster, friends, talking, millennial, gen y

Millennial men make more than millennial women in all but one state — New York.

While this is bad news for the millennial generation as a whole, it is especially so for millennial women, who still face a gender wage gap.  The Institute for Women’s Policy Research recently analyzed data from the US government and released a report that provides state-by-state comparisons of women’s earnings and several compelling charts.

One of the charts reveals the average income of millennials (defined as those aged 16 to 34). “In 2013, the median annual earnings for millennial women working full-time, year-round were $30,000,” states the report, “compared with $35,000 for their male counterparts.”

They earned less than millennial men in all but one state — New York. Between 2011 and 2013, young women in the Big Apple made $38,319, while men earned $37,542.

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Ariane Hegewisch, the director of the study, elaborates on this stat: “Women are a third more likely to have a university degree than men in New York. That’s the big reason for the finding,” she explains to Business Insider. “You also have a lot of lower earning men in large cities, which makes a difference. It’s a mixture of a low wage labor market and the fact that young women are taking up the opportunity for professional work and going to New York to work in those sectors.”

She does point out, however, that, “given their qualification profile, women should make more.”

Check out the full chart:

table b2.2
Businessinsider.com | April 7, 2015 | Kathleen Elkins

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-average-salary-of-millennials-2015-3#ixzz3WihTTRWr

Leadership: 7 Daily Rituals Of Highly Effective Leaders…It is not What you are Going to do but What you are Doing Today that Counts- Napoleon Hill

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You can learn everything you need to learn in order to achieve anything, but you can never change your leadership until you change your rituals.

Directions Man

Rituals can strengthen and spotlight the values, intentions, and experiences you have chosen to live by; they and can be useful when we are trying to figure out what is important.

Here are some things that great leaders are doing wholeheartedly to make each day count.

Ritual of READING: Books are the understated and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of mentors, and the most patient of teachers. Become an avid reader; invest your time by reading something educational, inspirational, or motivational.

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Ritual of LISTENING: Leaders know that time is precious. Give yourself the advantage of learning something new by listening to audio programs — and repeat them until you have digested the information. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Learn something by listening.

Ritual of MENTORSHIP: One of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is to learn from a mentors.  A mentor isn’t someone who lectures, but someone who inspires you to give the best in order to discover what you already know. Find a mentor, grasp what they have done, copy what they do, and then learn how to improve upon it.

Ritual of FEEDBACK: Leaders embrace feedback both negative and positive. Find someone who knows you well and ask them for feedback. Don’t justify or argue but listen and evaluate the feedback carefully, especially when it gets hard to swallow or accept. Use all feedback to learn.

Ritual of ASKING: As leaders, in order to grow, we must be willing to ask for help — whether it’s assistance with a short-term situations or identifying and correcting a bad patterns. The more that we ask, the more things we will know. The more that we learn, the more we will grow.

Ritual of JOURNALING: Many of the best leaders keep a journal and develop a daily habit of journaling. It’s an excellent way to measure your growth and progress, which is sometimes hard to grasp in the day-to-day perspective. Journaling helps us to see clearer, to remember more, and to see what counts.

Ritual Of IMPROVEMENT: The best leaders dedicate themselves to constant growth. They commit to finding small ways to improve, every day, all the time. No matter how good you get you can always get better, and that’s the exciting part.

Rituals can be transformative. The amalgamation of setting an intention, heightens our focus, elevates our emotional involvement, and embodies our participation in effecting our lives and leading.

Make a better tomorrow, by making each day count.

Lead From Within: When you become a little bit better each day when you make learning a constant ritual. The best leaders are constantly improving, learning, growing and developing.

Businessinisder.com | June 3, 2014 | 

http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/daily-leadership-rituals-that-make-today-count/#ixzz3WiWA4E9S

Strategy:Former FBI hostage Negotiation Trainer Explains How to Get People to Do What you Want…The More they Open Up to you, the More Invested they’ll be in Hearing What you Have to Say

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Mark Goulston spent two years role-playing for a living.  He’d pretend to be a suicidal policeman, holding a gun to his neck, threatening to take his own life.

Mark Goulston

Mark Goulston, a former FBI hostage negotiation trainer, role playing.

His job was to challenge his audience — a room full of FBI agents and police officers — to talk him out of it.

“In the end, I always pulled the trigger and then from the point of view of that role play, I would tell them what they could have asked and could have said that would have caused me to give up and surrender,” explains Goulston, a psychiatrist and former FBI hostage negotiation trainer.

Today, Goulston, 67, is a business advisor and consultant, using the skills he honed in his hostage negotiation training job to coach executives and employees at big corporations, including GE, IBM, and Goldman Sachs. He’s also the author of the best-selling book, “Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.” 

We recently spoke to Goulston to learn how to get people — clients, colleagues, employees, or a boss — to do what you want at work.

Here’s what he said:

1. Get them to talk.

After you make a request — or subtly hint at what you want someone to do — stop and let that person do all the talking.

“When they start talking, they will self-discover the urgency of your request” he explains. They’ll decide on their own that they should oblige, without you having to beg.

If you do all the talking, they may tune you out or feel like they’re being told (rather than asked) to do something, which will make them not want to do it.

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2. As they are speaking, pay attention to the adjectives and adverbs they use. 

“An adjective is a way to embellish a noun, and an adverb is a way to embellish a verb — and both modifiers indicate something that the person has some ’emotional juice’ on,” Goulston explains. “After the other person stops talking — even if they ask you a question —  pause for a few seconds, and instead of answering it, respond with: ‘Hmmm…’ (This communicates that you have listened and considered what they are saying.) Then, say more about the adjective or adverb they used.”

By doing this they will reveal what really matters to them and be more invested in the conversation, and therefore more interested in helping you.

For example, if someone you are speaking to uses the adjective “amazing” with regard to an opportunity and asks you a question after they finish speaking, try responding with, “I can answer your question, but before I do, tell me more about this amazing opportunity.” “This will cause them to open up more to you and at a deeper level than if you had just directly answered their question,” Goulston says. “The more they open up to you, the more invested they’ll be in hearing what you have to say.”

3. Use ‘fill in the blanks.’

“When you ask someone a question, you trigger an unconscious flashback of their having been put on the spot earlier in life by a teacher, parent, or coach, and you create a syntactical ‘you versus me’ disconnect,” Goulston says. This can lead to a reflexive “pull back” by them, he explains.

To avoid this, mix in with questions or requests a “fill in the blank,” he suggests. “For instance, it is more confrontational to ask someone, using a ‘you better know the answer to this’ tone, ‘What are you going to do about x situation?’ than it is to say, using and inviting ‘want to know’ tone, ‘What you’re planning to do about x situation is …?'”

Mark GoulstonCourtesy of Mark GoulstonMark Goulston.

When you use the latter approach you have syntactically invited the other person into a sentence with you, instead of asking a question, “which may cause them to think it is you versus them,” says Goulston.

4. Trigger positive flashbacks.

Believe it or not, whenever you say, do, or ask something, you almost always trigger unconscious flashbacks for the person you’re speaking to. “The key is to trigger positive flashbacks, not negative ones,” Goulston says.

If the person associates you, your question, or your request with something good, they’re more likely to comply.

For example, Goulston coaches many women on how to succeed in the C-suite. When he recently asked one woman why she chose to employ him, a male coach, rather than a female coach, she responded, “You’re like a protective big brother who’s smart, funny, slightly irreverent — but when you confront me with something I need to change, instead of becoming defensive I listen and cooperate with you because what you say is ‘laced with love.'”

5. Be a ‘plusser,’ not a ‘topper.’

One key to getting people to do what you want is to make them feel good and important.

“In conversations, ‘plussers’ build on or add to what the other person is saying; while ‘toppers’ either hijack the conversation abruptly to make it be about them or try to top what the other person is saying as in, ‘Ah, that sounds like a nice trip you took to Florida. We went to Fiji.'”

Plussers, he says, cause others to feel that what they’re saying matters; toppers cause others to think that you were only listening to them to get your turn to speak “and even worse, make them feel less than,” Goulston says.

For an example, a plusser would say: “Wow, that’s a great idea! Really smart and creative. We could even go one step further and try X, if you think that would work.” While a topper would say: “Your idea is good but I actually ran my idea by our CEO already and he loved it — so maybe we should go with mine.”

6. Focus on the future — not past failures.

People don’t love criticism. They tend to get defensive when you bring up any situation in which they failed, Goulston says. So, if you’re trying to get someone to do something differently in the future, don’t focus on the past.

Try something like, “Going forward, something that I would greatly appreciate would be if you could do X because it would be really helpful to the entire team.”

“Letting them know you’d appreciate it, and why, is important because it allows them to feel like they’re making a valuable contribution and a positive impact,” Goulston explains.

“When you’re trying to persuade people, more often than not they feel you’re being pushy,” he says. “When you focus on influencing them, they’re much less defensive and open to hearing what you have to say.”

NOW WATCH: 5 Proven Strategies That Will Make You A Better Negotiator

 

Businessinsider.com | April 7, 2015 | Jacquelyn  Smith  

http://www.businessinsider.com/fbi-negotiation-trainer-on-how-to-get-people-to-do-what-you-want-2015-4#ixzz3WdOYk7kQ

Strategy:5 Ways To Make Failure Your Best Competitive Advantage…It’s Important for Employees to Know that Failure is OK. How is your Organization Turning Failure into something Positive?

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A few weeks ago I wrote about Why Failure Is The Best Competitive Advantage. We have long been taught to avoid and run from failure but a big part of the future of work is embracing failure because ultimately this is what leads to innovation. The benefits of doing so: increases innovation, improves engagement, removes inefficiencies, and provides valuable learning opportunities.

Change

 

In part one of this post I talked about the “why” and today I want to talk about the “how.” That is, how can organizations go about making failure a powerful competitive advantage. There are a few things companies can do.

Understand that failure is not the same as bad work

I mentioned this in part one of the post but wanted to expand on it here. Doing bad work is not the same thing as failing. If employees do good work, try hard, and still fail that’s not the same thing as slacking off, and failing. Organizations must realize that encouraging and embracing failure also means making sure that employees do a good job, and if they fail in the process then that’s ok but this does’t remove accountability and responsibility from the equation.

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Give opportunities to fail

I wrote about how Adobe gives all of their employees the opportunity fail with their KickStart program where any employee can be given $1,000 to test out an idea. Linkedin has a similar model with their INcubator program, as does Dreamworks, ATT, Whirlpool WHR +0.79%,and many other companies. The key here is to give opportunities to test out an idea, get some experimental capital (when it makes sense) and to see where the idea can go. Sometimes these ideas can turn into new products and services but many of them end up failing and that’s ok. For companies that don’t have internal innovation incubators that’s ok too. Just because you don’t have an internal “lab” set up doesn’t mean you can’t embrace failure as well.

Examine failures

In order to turn failure into a competitive advantage it’s important to understand why a failure happened instead of just dismissing it and moving on. Was it a product feature? The wrong market? An outdated approach to doing something? A poor experience? A pricing issue? Failure is a great time to ask questions to get new perspective and generate better ideas. It’s just like being a scientist in a lab who is trying to find a solution to a complex problem, you test out ideas and build on top of them but this all starts with asking questions. Schwab does a great job of this by doing a failure debrief. All failed employee innovations are also displayed for others to see and new employees get a videotaped orientation of these failures along with lessons learned.

Educate employees and give them resources

It’s important for employees to know that failure is ok this means organizations much teach this both formally through education programs and informally through the behavior of management. Adobe does this with their KickStart program, GE recently started doing this by adopting the Lean Startup approach, and Whirlpool does this with their Innovation Management System (and their processes). If you want to encourage failure you need to teach employees what this means and give them a framework and a process for how to approach failure and learn from it.

Showcase the failures

In part one of this post I mentioned TATA which has their “dare to try award”PG&E PCG +1.49% with their “heroic failure award” and others. Most of the companies mentioned in part 1 and 2 of this post showcase failures so that others can see them and learn from them. What Schwab does with their new employees and video orientations around failure is an outstanding example of how an organization showcases failure. By doing so not only does it create a culture where failure isn’t feared but it also creates a powerful and valuable learning tool.

How is your organization turning failure into something positive?

Jacob Morgan is a keynote speaker, author (most recently of The Future of Work), and futurist. You can get the first 30 pages of his book for free as well as weekly content on the future of work by subscribing to his newsletter.

Forbes.com | April 6, 2015 | Jacob Morgan

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacobmorgan/2015/04/06/five-ways-to-make-failure-your-best-competitive-advantage

 

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Leadership:12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently…Whether you Think you Can, or you Think you Can’t—you’re Right. Henry Ford

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Confidence takes many forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of Jane Goodall. True confidence—as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities—has a look all its own.

It's important to realize that you don't actually need to like an employee's personality.

When it comes to confidence, one thing is certain: truly confident people always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish, because they inspire others and they make things happen.

I think Henry Ford said it best:

 Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.

Ford’s notion that your mentality has a powerful effect upon your ability to succeed is manifest in the results of a recent study at the University of Melbourne where confident people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than anyone else.

Learning to be confident is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets them apart from everyone else?

I did some digging to uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people, so that you can incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.

1. They Get Their Happiness From Within

Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.

People who brim with confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments. They know that no matter what anyone says, you’re never as good or bad as people say you are.

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2. They Don’t Pass Judgment

Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

3. They Don’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Confident people know that saying no is healthy and they have the self-esteem to make their no’s clear. When it’s time to say no, confident people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” They say no with confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

4. They Listen More Than They Speak

People with confidence listen more than they speak because they don’t feel like they have anything to prove. Confident people know that by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are much more likely to learn and grow. Instead of seeing interactions as opportunities to prove themselves to others, they focus on the interaction itself, because they know this is a far more enjoyable and productive approach to people.

5. They Speak With Certainty

It’s rare to hear the truly confident utter phrases like, “Um,” “I’m not sure,” and “I think.” Confident people speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction.

6. They Seek Out Small Victories

Confident people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.

7. They Exercise

A study conducted at Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically. They also rated their body image and self-esteem as being higher. Best of all, physical changes in their bodies were not responsible for the uptick in confidence. It was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the difference.

8. They Don’t Seek Attention

People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people—you know. And confident people always seem to bring the right attitude.

Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re being given attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave the approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

9. They Aren’t Afraid to be Wrong

Confident people aren’t afraid to be proven wrong. They like putting their opinion out there to see if it holds up, because they learn a lot from the times they are wrong and other people learn from them when they’re right. Self-assured people know what they are capable of and don’t treat being wrong as a personal slight.

10. They Stick Their Neck Out

When confident people see an opportunity they take it. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong they ask themselves, “What’s stopping me? Why can’t I do that?” And they go for it. Fear doesn’t hold them back because they know that if they never try they will never succeed and failure is just a great way to learn.

11. They Celebrate Other People

Insecure people constantly doubt their relevance and because of this they try to steal the spotlight and criticize others in order to prove their worth. Confident people, on the other hand, aren’t worried about their relevance because they draw their self-worth from within. Instead of insecurely focusing inward, confident people focus outward, which allows them to see all of the wonderful things that other people bring to the table. Praising people for their contributions is a natural result of this.

12. They Aren’t Afraid To Ask For Help

Confident people know that asking other people for help won’t make them seem weak or unintelligent. They know their strengths and weaknesses and they look to others to fill the gaps. They also know that learning from someone with more expertise is a great way to improve.

Bringing It All Together

Building confidence is a journey, not a destination. Please share your thoughts on the matter in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

WATCH: The four behaviors of innovative leaders

 

Forbes.com | April 1, 2015 | Travis Bradberry

Your Career: Here’s What the Modern Résumé Should Look Like…How Can you Get Yourself Noticed? Beyond the Content, Presentation is also Critical

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Along with glowing references, a solid resumé is a must-have for any job applicant. But even those with great credentials need to package those achievements the right way to catch a hiring manager’s eyes.

ResumeInHole

How can you get yourself noticed? Having the right keywords on the page — words like “problem solving,” “leadership” and “team building” — can be helpful. Beyond the content, presentation is also critical. Be sure to use proper formatting and avoid any information that’s not pertinent to the position you’re applying to.

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In the infographic below, created for resume-template site Template.net, you’ll find even more tips and tricks that’ll land your resume on someone’s desk rather than someone’s “circular file.” Happy hunting, job seekers!

1427479015 resume info

Businessinsider.com | April 1, 2015 | 

Your Career: Digital Branding for the Job Seeker. 5 Reasons Why Resumes & Cover Letters No Longer Do the Trick

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For Many Careers, Resumes are Becoming Less of a Job Search Focal Point.  It’s a fact that the majority of intelligent, thorough recruiters as well as hiring managers Google GOOGL -1.51% the names of job seekers they interview. Not only are they searching, but they are giving heightened hiring priority to those who have a positive, robust online presence.

ResumeInHole

The necessity of an online presence is now a reality for marketing, sales, graphic arts and PR jobs. Because a positive or negative public image can greatly effect one’s ability to perform in these careers, online resources aligned with a job seeker are given more and more weight, while resumes are proving less and less influential.

In this two part series, I am going to analyze why resumes, cover letters and, to an extent, LinkedIn LNKD +0.2% profiles mean less to today’s employers and the steps that can be taken to compete with more modernized job seekers.

5 Reasons Why Resumes and Cover Letters No Longer Do the Trick

More and more often, job seekers who simply rely on a resume and / or cover letter (even a LinkedIn profile isn’t as helpful as it once was) are frequently outflanked by those who carry a robust online presence.

While they used to be sufficient, there are now inherent problems with relying on written word as your main or only method of advertising. Our recruiters see the following as the 5 most prevalent reasons:

1. They’re outdated. Unfortunately, resumes and cover letters are the equivalent of print advertising. We’re a digitally dominated society. Words without enticing, high-def images fail to play to today’s visually oriented individuals and provide no real experience for the end user.

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2. There is virtually no way to track their efficiency. Resumes and cover letters leave job seekers in the dark. Without appearing invasive or desperate, it is virtually impossible to know if an employer opened their resume, how much time they spent looking at it and what parts of the document they focused most on.

3. Resumes focus too heavily on an individual’s past and don’t put enough emphasis on current employment desires or future potential. Younger job seekers have trouble standing out because many lack tangible, relevant experience. For the same reason, those attempting to switch careers or even industries suffer. This is mainly due to the fact that when employers perform an initial resume scan, they find little to no relevant information and discard the application.

4. They fail to humanize the candidate. There’s nothing relatable about a resume or cover letter. It talks about what you’ve done, not who you are as a person. Considering people are more likely to interview, hire and be persuaded by individuals similar to them, as similarities often insinuate cultural fit (a significant hiring factor).

5. Resumes and cover letters provide little to no brand differentiation. Companies receive them by the hundreds (if not more) and most resumes say the same thing. For instance, all job seekers claim they are hard working, competent, detail oriented, knowledgeable and efficient. Though, few prove these attributes are present.

 

Thinking of Yourself as a Business Not a Piece of Paper

 As a job seeker and as a professional, you are a business. Instead of offering a service or product to a client, you offer your expertise to hiring managers and headhunters.

Just like a company, much of one’s success hinges on building an effective image through creative marketing and frequent advertising of your service. These are the basics of building a brand.

In this case, you’re not branding a tangible product such as a smart phone or energy drink. You as a person are the brand and you are more than a piece of paper.

By studying what other job seekers have done, you’ll quickly realize that the overarching strategies that work for Apple AAPL +0.85% and Gatorade, in essence, will work for the job seeker.

For instance, diversified advertising tactics speak to the consumer (a.k.a. the employer), vastly build exposure which fosters trust and insinuates expertise. However, unlike Gatorade or Apple, job seekers can’t afford advertising luxuries such as primetime TV commercials, PPC advertising and full page NY Times ads.

Even with a fractional budget, you can effectively advertise yourself to potential employers and build a personalized brand that creates an image of hard work, success, knowledge, expertise and potential.

Prior to doing so, it’s important for our recruiters to discuss the problems we see with job seekers who rely solely on resumes and cover letters.
Going Forward

Since a significant number of marketing, sales, graphic arts and PR jobs require knowledge of search engines, copy-writing skills, social media expertise and are image oriented, resumes are providing less relevant information to the employer than ever before.

Ken Sundheim is the CEO of KAS Placement an executive search firm specializing in sales and marketing recruitment throughout the U.S.

Forbes.com | April 5, 2015 | Ken Sundheim 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kensundheim/2015/04/05/digital-branding-for-the-job-seeker/



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