Strategy: 9 Types of Horrible Bosses & How to Manage Them…Don’t try to play them at their own game. Not Only are they Better at It, they Know More than you Due to their Position.

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Unless you happen to be self-employed or independently wealthy, you will have a boss. I have had many different bosses over my 20 years in the ad business, and they have ranged from the sublime to the just plain awful.

Horrible Bosses

What type of horrible boss are you dealing with?

Here are nine types of frustrating bosses you can expect to encounter, and the strategies you can use to help deal with them. Remember, they’re just people. And that means they are both flawed, and have feelings. You just have to find the right way to approach them.

1. The Manipulative Boss

Many people say manipulative bosses are extremely intelligent, but this is not necessarily the case. After all, if they were that good at manipulation, they wouldn’t let you realize they’re manipulating you. However, they do possess a set of skills that make them very tough to deal with. For starters, they can turn any situation into their advantage. Their failures become your failures, and your successes become theirs. They are usually passive aggressive. And, they always have a hidden agenda; they will do whatever it takes to get a promotion, and they consider you a simple step on their way to the top.

How to Deal:

First, don’t try to play them at their own game. Not only are they better at it, they know more than you due to their position. Your best bet here is to appear open and honest with them, whilst making it clear you are not a threat. Keep your distance whenever possible, don’t appear weak or easily bullied, and know your rights. If they push it too far, your HR department can help.

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2. The Desperate-to-Be-Popular Boss

If you’ve ever seen BBC’s excellent The Office, which was remade for the U.S. and many other countries, you will know the name David Brent. Played superbly by Ricky Gervais, he portrayed this kind of boss perfectly; the boss who only wants to be loved will always fail in that regard, because they are never doing their job well. They’ll go out of their way to try and make you laugh, or get praise, but they won’t have their eyes on the prize. They will want to leave early with you to go to the bar, or have long meetings talking about movies and football. At the end of the day, you will have a harder time doing your job well because of this boss, and will even find yourself making excuses for them.

How to Deal:

The key here is setting boundaries. It’s fine to go out occasionally with this kind of boss, or indulge in a little extra chitchat. But, you are at a place of business, and you have a job to do. Keep focused on that, and avoid getting too buddy-buddy with him or her. When they eventually go down, you do not want to be there taking the fall with them.

3. The “Me, Me, Me” Boss

This boss has an ego the size of a planet, and yet will often try to downplay it. Somehow the conversation always comes back to them, their achievements, their weekend plans, their family, their awards, their office, and anything else involving their number one subject. Meetings will invariably be steered in the direction of this boss, and they will be more than happy to steal the spotlight. You’ll hear things like “Well, I don’t like to brag, but…” and “Oh, I always know how to…” and you’ll have to grin and bear another 10 minute diatribe on their awesome life and career.

How to Deal:

You basically have to take everything with a grain of salt. Sure, they will always want to talk about themselves, but if they are good in other ways, let it slide. Maybe they were the middle child and didn’t get a lot of attention, or have other inadequacies that they’re making up for. As long as it doesn’t affect you, your position, or your career, just let them have their many moments in the sun.

steve carell michael scott the office world's best boss

4. The Martyr Boss

If there’s a sword around, expect them to tell you how often they have fallen on it. Seriously, these bosses should have “Take One for the Team” emblazoned on a t-shirt. They will work weekends and late nights without extra pay. They will volunteer for the worst projects or assignments. They will come into the office with a severe bout of Ebola and won’t even take a lunch break. The problem is, they work unnecessarily hard and expect you to do the same; “I was here at 4:00 a.m. even though I had a broken leg and my dog passed away…where were you!?”

How to Deal:

You will never, ever be able to compete with a martyr boss, and if you try, you’ll only make them work even harder (if that’s possible). You can’t play their game, so instead play up how much you think they rock. The martyr loves being recognized for his or her actions, and if you do so often, they’ll appreciate you for it. They also know more about the company than the CEO and the board put together, so listen when they talk, and you may pick up some very useful info.

5. The MIA Boss

You know you have a boss. You have seen their office, you receive their emails, and occasionally, you talk with them on the phone. But you can never, ever find them. It’s like they went into the Witness Protection Program and are now living under an assumed identity. When you pass by their office, no one’s home. When you call, you usually get voicemail. They will send you an email demanding you work the weekend, and yet you can’t remember the last time they stepped foot through the front door. These bosses are experts in sucking the marrow out of life, and will do as little work as possible whilst making it seem like they are too busy to eat or sleep.

How to Deal:

It’s tough to have a “Missing in Action” boss. You can’t really talk to them about issues face to face, because they’re never around. Getting approvals can be hard work, and nailing them down on an issue is like nailing Jello to a wall. With a boss like this, get an action plan in writing. If they’re not around, who is in charge? Who can sign off on invoices, or projects? Can you go directly to their superior, if they have one? On the plus side, you won’t have a boss constantly looking over your shoulder.

6. The Micromanaging Boss

Of all the bosses named on this list, this is one of the toughest you’ll encounter. A micromanaging boss does not trust you to do anything correctly. In fact, they are absolutely convinced that if it wasn’t for them, the entire company would grind to a halt. The irony is, they become a bottleneck and will slow everything down, precisely because they have their hand in every pie. Micromanagers will assign you tasks, and then proceed to check in on your progress constantly. They will redo things you have already done (even if done well). They will put their stamp on everything, and of course, take credit because they believe they have done it all themselves. This kind of boss is toxic to any work environment.

How to Deal:

You need tact and diplomacy on this one. First, play up to the fact that you recognize their many strengths. Then, give them the impression that the ideas you want to go forward with are actually their ideas. From a stockroom clerk to the highest levels of corporate power, if they believe they thought of it, they’ll go with it. You should also ask for specific direction on every project, in writing. Finally, keep records of everything; emails, voicemails, and the rounds of adjustments or revisions. If it looks like you’re incompetent because of their lack of trust, you need evidence to back up your side of the story.

7. The “Fear Me” Boss

If asked, “Would you rather be feared or liked?” most bosses would say, “Neither, I’d rather be respected.” But this boss chooses the first option every time. They rule with an iron fist in a flaming, spiked gauntlet, and they love their scary reputation. They will shout and scream on occasion, just to get their own way. They will show up late to meetings to impose their authority. They will use name-calling, sarcasm, and threats to control everyone around them (watch Swimming With Sharks for a better idea of this kind of boss). Sadly, they temper all of this behavior around the people who matter, so that only the workers beneath them feel like they are being abused.

How to Deal:

I’m sorry to say these bosses cannot be dealt with by you alone. Sadly, most of the time the people underneath them either request a transfer, lose it and get fired, or quit. The turnover in their department will be a big indicator that something is wrong, and they will eventually have to answer for their actions. Until then, you just have to smile, be polite, and avoid them whenever you can.

8. The Stuck-in-the-Past Boss

Bob Dylan famously wrote “The times, they are a-changin.'” This boss does not like it, and is in no hurry to play catch up. He or she will always be the last to figure out the new copier or email system, and refuses to keep up with modern trends. “Twitter? Facebook? In my day, a letter in the mail worked wonders.” If these opinions were kept personal, it would be okay. Sadly, their opinions influence your business decisions, and that is often why you will be working on things in a way that would seem archaic to your grandma.

How to Deal:

Usually, these bosses mean no harm, they are just set in their ways. The best way to deal with a boss like this is to demonstrate the advantages of new systems and equipment. They may be old school, but they’re not dumb. Demonstrate that a new methodology will save time and money, and they’ll ask for it to be implemented in no time. Just have a little patience.

8. The Debbie Downer Boss

This boss, and it can be a man or a woman, never looks on the bright side. If you do an excellent job on something, you could have done it a little sooner. If you fix a problem, you were partly responsible for creating it. If you improve company morale, you’re guilty of not working hard enough. If you work too hard, you’re trying to embarrass him or her. The company will always be on the verge of folding, or people are always about to get fired. This boss is about as fun to be around as a funeral home.

How to Deal:

Don’t try and change who they are as a person. That’s not your job, and it is a mission doomed to fail. If you want to stay on their good side, sympathize when they have problems. Don’t try to be too “up” or enthusiastic, but don’t let their awful mood swings and poor outlook on life get you down. They are happy in their misery; don’t get pulled into that sinkhole.

9. The “I’m Not Sure” Boss

Many of the bosses listed here are flawed, but they at least know how to make a decision. This boss spends most of their day sitting on the fence. The basic premise here is “If I don’t make a specific decision, I can’t be held accountable for it.” They will worm out of decisions day and night, and will always find ways to answer questions in a non-committed kind of way. Ultimately, everyone suffers, because they are leaving everyone hanging. But in many businesses in corporate America, these people can have very lucrative careers.

How to Deal:

You have to force their hand. If they say “I’ll trust your judgment,” make sure you get confirmation that they agree with your decision. Nailing them down is tough, but make it impossible for them to avoid. The way you phrase your questions must give no room for error, and at every stage of the project, insist on a sign-off. If they won’t say yes to one option, then ask them to say no to the others. You can get blood out of a stone if you apply a little pressure.

Now…the one type of boss who will actually improve your career.

The Great Boss

In my experience, and those of my friends and colleagues, great bosses are few and far between. These are the bosses who encourage independent thinking, foster an atmosphere of mutual respect, and always have an open door. They don’t scream or shout, they don’t belittle people, and they don’t manipulate or play politics. They’re not perfect; they make mistakes, occasionally lose their cool, or make you work extra hours when required. But, they’re good eggs.

How to Deal:

When you are fortunate enough to work for a great boss, make the extra effort to remember his or her birthday as a department. Let them know their feedback means a lot. And never be afraid to let the people above them know what a great job they’re doing. Their behavior should be nurtured, and hopefully it will spread to other people in the company.

Businessinsider.com | April 10, 2015 | PAUL MICHAEL, WISEBREAD

#Leadership:Tales About Men, Money & Mistakes From Self-Made Women…What is your Best Mistake? A Mistake that in the Moment seemed Catastrophic, but Turned out to be a Critical Piece of Finding your Success?

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This post is part of the “Self-Made Women” series featuring women who came from a world without power or wealth, but with the support of family, teachers and mentors, they  found their way to success.

 

 

Maria L. Chrin

What is your best mistake? A mistake that in the moment seemed catastrophic, but turned out to be a critical piece of finding your success? A mistake that you learned from and want to pass on the lessons to others?

That’s what Andrea Guendelman, Co Founder and CEO of BeVisible and I asked the self-made women we are featuring in this series. Each of these women is at the top of her industry. They definitely know that failure isn’t fatal. In fact, these women are living proof that mistakes are required for innovative success. Here are four of their life lessons — truths as opposed to sugarcoated narratives — bringing us lessons we all can learn from:

Sue Chen (44) Founder and CEO, NOVA Medical Products.  My best mistake was marrying what I term as “the biggest loser.” Not able to take my own advice given to other women, I married the absolute wrong guy despite all the glaring and present red flags… so no surprise. He pulled me to the bottom of my life, but in that pit of emotional abuse, pain and misery,

I discovered my personal Emotional Bucket, higher calling and ultimately self-love. Once you know the landscape of pain, you also can know the landscape of change, disruption and the unimaginable. Because knowing pain and having been to the “dark side” and come back, equips you to go head-to-head and conquer the most debilitating of emotions, and that is fear. It’s an incredible chemistry that happens in your emotional bucket when pain, suffering and misery are mixed in with passion and love… prevailing. Failing forward in my marriage brought me together with my Emotional Bucket which is always with me. I can reach in anytime and access its vast resource of experiences and emotions because it is mine and no one else’s.  My Emotional Bucket is the most powerful part of who I am… past, present and future.

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Brittney Castro (30), CFP, CRPC, AAMS. Founder and CEO,Financially Wise Women.  My biggest mistake was thinking I had to do it all alone. I know this sounds so cliche but when I first launched my company I didn’t ask for help often enough. After six months into launching my own company, I was exhausted. I was doing too much and not delegating enough to my team and support group. After a week of just feeling so completely burnt out and not capable of doing any work, I realized I needed to ask for help. Since that point, I’ve learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and that no one can do it alone.  I’ve also realized that letting people help you is a beautiful gift as it builds a community around your work and mission in life. Now I ask for help often and as early as possible and because I do so, I have so much more fun along the way.

Sarah Kunst (28) Venture Investor and Advisor and Contributing Editor, Marie Claire.  The last startup I did was a forward fail. I led product, growth and revenue at a retail startup and we launched with too little funding runway, underestimated the difficulty and expense of getting app users and did not start fundraising or looking for exits soon enough. We failed and went to zero, leaving me out of a job and our investors out of money. However, from the ashes I emerged with invaluable knowledge about early stage startups, the retail industry and a network of investors who landed me my next job as a venture capitalist. I never would have landed in venture capital or be able to effectively help companies if not for the mistakes I made in that failed startup.

Maria L. Chrin (50) Managing Partner, Circle Wealth Management, LLC.  My biggest mistake has been letting fear and self-doubt take over when making decisions. During my tenure at Goldman Sachs, I was given several opportunities to get on the “partner track” but chose not to. I convinced myself that leaving my wealth management practice, where I had control and unlimited upside, was not a good career move. Those were valid reasons but I was just afraid to trade a known path for an unknown one.

I focused on all that could go wrong and made a short-sighted decision. However, the experience taught me to focus on what is in my control instead of on what is not. Each of us controls a lot — our work ethic, quality of work, attitude, dedication, ability to collaborate and add value. If we can appreciate all of that, we can put fear aside. Recognizing this inspired me to launch Circle Wealth Management and helped us navigate the 2008 market downturn. We need to understand ourselves, our

goals, and how hard we are willing to work to achieve them. With that understanding and a healthy combination of self-confidence and paranoia, we can take on fear and succeed.

Self-Made Women Series Post #1:  From Murder To The Mayor’s Office: A Story Of Grit And Excellence

Self-Made Women Series Post #2: From Outsider To The C-Suite: A Story On How To ‘Get To The Yes’

Self-Made Women Series Post #3: A Self-Made Woman Gets Lucky In The Middle Seat

Denise Restauri is the author of Their Roaring Thirties: Brutally Honest Career Talk From Women Who Beat The Youth Trap now available for iBooks, Amazon, and Vook.

Forbes.com | April 9, 2015 | Denise Restauri

Strategy: How To Kickstart Your Productivity This Weekend…Exhaustion, Burnout & Illness can All be Fueled by the Feeling that you Never get Chance to Switch Off.

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Could you use your weekend to be more productive, not by cramming it full of work, but in other ways?  Time away from the office is an important aspect of productivity. For a start, that’s when we get to choose for ourselves how we spend our time.

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Often, however, when it gets to Monday morning we don’t feel refreshed or productive. We feel in need of another weekend before the week has even begun. What should you do at the weekend to help boost your productivity for the following week?

Here are some suggestions of strategies to experiment with.

Leave it in the office

Many of us feel a huge expectation and obligation to work at the weekend. Sometimes, rather than this being driven by our bosses or colleagues, however, this is a habit we have created ourselves. Ask yourself why you are working at the weekend? If you end up working at the weekend to catch up on work you didn’t get done and want to be more productive during the week instead, start to analyse what you could do to boost your productivity. Do you need tactics to deal with procrastination? Are distractions costing you time? Isleaving work on time an issue? Leaving work in the office and calling it a day (or a week) is sometimes really hard to do. But rather than so often worrying about working more, perhaps we should start worrying about living more.

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Let your mind wander

Letting your mind wander is an important state for making connections between different pieces of information. It can help us connect seemingly unconnected things, and often leads to bright ideas. During the week, we often don’t have as much time for this as at the weekend. When we’re concentrating intently on a task at work, or when we’re being bombarded with information or demands, our attention is taken up by these things. So take some time out at the weekend to let your mind wander while you walk, run, or simply close your eyes. Don’t allow digital distractions or interruptions – for example from your smartphone or emails – while you do this, otherwise that’s where your attention will turn. See what ideas you come up with and what connections you make when you let your mind wander.

Do the little things

Often what overwhelms us during the week is a pile of personal admin tasks we need to deal with, clear through or do, that we just don’t have time for alongside work during the week. A weekend is a good time to get through the backlog of small tasks that will plague you all week long if they are not done, clearing space for concentrating on other things. Once you’ve cleared the backlog, do tasks that take five minutes or less straight away (whether it’s a weekday or weekend) so that those small tasks (like putting things away or booking appointments) never get added to the To Do list in the first place and don’t mount up into an overwhelming pile.

Power of rest

To work in a highly productive way during the week, you need to have enough energy. But low-level constant working over evenings and weekends (for example checking email and doing work tasks) can lead to us not taking the opportunity to get the rest we need. Because digital devices mean we can work anywhere and any time, we often adopt these habits without thinking much about the consequences. This can creep and become an expectation we feel to be constantly on call. Exhaustion, burnout and illness can all be fuelled by the feeling that you never get chance to switch off. Setting aside time for rest means investing in sleep, and knowing when to step away from your smartphone or other work demands. See whether you feel more productive on Monday morning after a proper dose of time out.

Frances Booth is author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World. To get your free first chapter of The Distraction Trap, and for more productivity tips, join her mailing list here

Forbes.com | April 10, 2015 | Frances Booth

 

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Leadership:9 Of The Worst Mistakes You Can Ever Make At Work…We’ve all Heard of (or seen firsthand) People Doing some Pretty Crazy Things at Work

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We’ve all heard of (or seen firsthand) people doing some pretty crazy things at work. Truth is, you don’t have to throw a chair through a window or quit in the middle of a presentation to cause irreparable damage to your career.

burnout

No matter how talented you are or what you’ve accomplished, there are certain behaviors that instantly change the way people see you (and forever cast you in a negative light).

The following list contains nine of the most notorious behaviors that you should avoid at all costs.

Telling Lies

So many lies begin with good intentions—people want to protect themselves or someone else—but lies have a tendency to grow and spread until they’re discovered, and once everyone knows that you’ve lied, there’s no taking it back.

Getting caught up in a lie, no matter how small, is exhausting and hard on your self-esteem. You have to be authentic if you want to be happy with who you are.

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Gossiping

People make themselves look terrible when they get carried away with gossiping about other people. Wallowing in talk of other people’s misdeeds or misfortunes may end up hurting their feelings if the gossip finds its way to them, but gossiping will make you look negative and spiteful every time, guaranteed.

Announcing That You Hate Your Job

The last thing anyone wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. Doing so labels you as a negative person and brings down the morale of the group. Bosses are quick to catch on to naysayers who drag down morale, and they know that there are always enthusiastic replacements waiting just around the corner.

Having an Emotional Hijacking

My company provides 360° feedback and executive coaching, and we come across far too many instances of people throwing things, screaming, making people cry, and other telltale signs of an emotional hijacking.

An emotional hijacking demonstrates low emotional intelligence, and it’s an easy way to get fired. As soon as you show that level of instability, people will question whether or not you’re trustworthy and capable of keeping it together when it counts.

Exploding at anyone, regardless of how much they might “deserve it,” turns a huge amount of negative attention your way. You’ll be labeled as unstable, unapproachable, and intimidating. Controlling your emotions keeps you in the driver’s seat. When you are able to control your emotions around someone who wrongs you, they end up looking bad instead of you.

Taking Credit for Someone Else’s Work

We’ve all experienced that stomach-dropping feeling that happens when you discover that someone has stolen your idea. Taking credit for someone else’s work­—no matter how small—creates the impression that you haven’t accomplished anything significant on your own. Stealing credit also shows that you have zero regard for your team and your working relationships.

Bragging

When someone hits a home run and starts celebrating as they run the bases, it’s safe to assume that they haven’t hit very many home runs. On the other hand, if they hit a home run and simply run the bases, it conveys a business-as-usual mentality, which is far more intimidating to the other team.

Accomplishing great things without bragging about them demonstrates the same strong mentality—it shows people that succeeding isn’t unusual to you.

Backstabbing

The name says it all. Stabbing your colleagues in the back, intentionally or otherwise, is a huge source of strife in the workplace. One of the most frequent forms of backstabbing is going over someone’s head to solve a problem. People typically do this in an attempt to avoid conflict, but they end up creating even more conflict as soon as the victim feels the blade. Anytime you make someone look bad in the eyes of their colleagues, it feels like a stab in the back, regardless of your intentions.

Eating Smelly Food

Unless you happen to work on a ship, your colleagues are going to mind if you make the entire place smell like day-old fish. The general rule of thumb when it comes to food at work is, anything with an odor that might waft beyond the kitchen door should be left at home.

It might seem like a minor thing, but smelly food is inconsiderate and distracting—and so easily avoidable. When something that creates discomfort for other people is so easily avoided, it tends to build resentment quickly. Your pungent lunch tells everyone that you just don’t care about them, even when you do.

Burning Bridges

So much of work revolves around the people you meet and the connections you make. Dropping an atomic bomb on any professional relationship is a major mistake.

One of TalentSmart’s clients is a large chain of coffee shops. They have a relatively high turnover, so when a barista quits, it isn’t usually taken personally. One barista, however, managed to burn every single bridge she had in a single day. The surprising thing is that she didn’t yell or do anything extreme; all she did was leave.

Without warning, she showed up to her Monday shift, told the store manager she was quitting (she had found a better-paying job somewhere else), and walked out. The result, of course, was that every shift that she was scheduled to work for the next two weeks had to be done with one less person, as she provided no time to find a replacement.

She most likely saw her actions as being offensive only to the manager (whom she didn’t like), but in reality, she created two miserable weeks for everyone who worked at the shop. She ruined her otherwise positive connections, with every single one of her colleagues.

Bringing It All Together

These behaviors sound extreme and highly inconsiderate, but they have a tendency to sneak up on you. A gentle reminder is a great way to avoid them completely.

What other behaviors should I add to this list? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

 

Forbes.com | ArTravis Bradberry

 

 

Strategy: How To Tell When People Lie & Make Them Tell The Truth…Why do People Lie? Because they Fear the Negative Consequences of Disclosing the Truth.

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When I served as a therapist for a number of years after earning my Masters in marriage and family therapy, I had a window into the private, secret lives of hundreds of people grappling with life’s most serious challenges. I found then, as I see in my daily life and coaching work today, that lying – to ourselves and to others – is a regular part of human existence for so many. I was trained to see the signs of lying, and to find new ways to create a safe space for people to tell the brutal, honest truth to themselves, and deal with it more effectively and positively.

I was intrigued, then, to learn about the new book Get The Truth: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Persuade Anyone To Tell All, by former CIA officers Philip Houston, Michael Floyd, and Susan Carnicero. They are among the most well-known experts in recognizing deceptive behavior and extracting an honest answer.

A follow-up to their New York Times bestseller Spy The Lie,the book teaches readers the simple methods they used in the CIA to get the truth out of absolutely anyone—without resorting to torture. Whether it’s speaking with your teenager about how that dent suddenly appeared in the car, or your spouse about a mysteriously deleted browser history, or your business partner about a discrepancy in the books, their step-by-step guide lays out how to apply these principles to all aspects of our lives.

I asked the authors to share their answers to my most pressing questions about lying, and here’s what they offered.

Kathy Caprino: Why do people lie? What are the top three reasons, and what are they afraid of if they tell the truth?

Philip Houston, Michael Floyd and Susan Carnicero:Here are the top reasons we’ve found:

Because they fear the negative consequences of disclosing the truth.

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These are the cases in which people engage in an active concealment of information that’s driven by a fear of what will happen if that information is revealed. The circumstances associated with these lies often involve an act of wrongdoing that the person wants to hide.

Because they want others to believe something about them that isn’t true.

Perhaps it’s a news anchor who claims to have been in a helicopter that was brought down by an RPG in a war zone, when he was actually in a different helicopter at the time. Maybe it’s a job candidate who embellishes his resume, or someone who fibs about his physical attributes in an online chat forum. These are the lies people tell as a means of enhancing the positive image that others have of them.

Because they want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

Whether it’s telling a friend that we love her dramatic new hairstyle when we really think it looks ridiculous on a woman her age, or telling a child that the picture he drew of the horse is beautiful when it really looks more like a misshapen table with a bust of a goblin on one end, we find ourselves telling these benevolent “social lies” quite readily as we navigate our way through the day.

Caprino: So, how can we spot a lie quickly and easily? What are the signs?

Houston et al: There are five categories of deceptive behavior that you need to look for:

Evasion: Think of these behaviors as linguistic acts of concealment. Example: Failure to answer the question.

Persuasion: These behaviors are aimed at convincing you of something, rather than conveying the information you’re asking for. Example: Invoking religion.

Manipulation: These behaviors are meant to disrupt your game plan. Example: Failure to understand a simple question.

Aggression: These behaviors are typically exhibited by a person who feels cornered, and who needs to lash out to get you to back off. Example: Attacking your credibility.

Reaction: These are behaviors that are triggered by the autonomic nervous system when your question creates a spike in anxiety. Example: Hand-to-face activity.

Your aim is to identify a cluster, which is defined as any combination of two or more deceptive behaviors, which can be verbal or nonverbal. Under our model, the first deceptive behavior has to occur within the first five seconds after the stimulus, which is your question. This way, you can reliably conclude that the behavior was prompted by your question.

Caprino: What are the key steps to take to get the truth out of anyone?

Houston et al: There are nine key steps to getting at the truth:

1. Adopt a sincere, understanding tone and demeanor.

There’s a saying to the effect that the guilty person seeks only to be understood, for to be understood gives the appearance of being forgiven. Far from confrontational or belligerent, the demeanor you project should be engaged, calm, empathetic, and most of all, sincere. Slowing your rate of speech and lowering your voice a bit will aid you tremendously in evincing sincerity.

2. Help the person rationalize his actions.

This will nudge him a step in the direction of being less focused on long-term consequences, and more focused on the reasons you’re giving him to see telling the truth as a viable option. Rationalizing his actions or behavior by reminding him, for example, that everyone is human, and that everyone makes mistakes, will help weaken his resolve to withhold the truth.

3. Minimize the seriousness of the situation.

The more you’re able to downplay the consequential nature of the matter about which the individual is withholding the truth, the more comfortable he will be to share the information you’re seeking. When he hears you say, “It’s important that we not blow this out of proportion,” he’ll be struck by how reasonable you are, and you’ll likely be perceived as much less of an adversary.

4. Socialize the situation so the person doesn’t feel so alone.

If I have the impression that you and others might think of me as a pariah if I admit that I did the bad thing, I’m going to be awfully reluctant to admit it. On the other hand, if you tell me this is the sort of thing you see all the time being done by men and women in all walks of life, I’m going to feel much less alienated.

5. Assure the individual that there is plenty of blame to go around.

Chances are, a person who wants to conceal the truth will not have adopted a “buck stops here” mentality. It’s always easier for someone to fess up if he sees that the finger isn’t being pointed solely at him. Liberally shower the blame wherever you can convincingly do so—society, the system, management, bad apples are all potential accomplices in causing the bad thing to happen.

6. Don’t allow the person to voice a lie or a denial.

If the person is in lying or denial mode, you don’t want his lips moving—the more opportunity he’s given to articulate the lie, the more psychologically entrenched he’ll become, and the less likely he will be to reverse himself and tell you the truth.

7. Take advantage of the power of repetition.

Human nature is such that the more frequently we hear something, the more likely we are to believe it, or to at least be open to the possibility. Remember that if the person is in denial mode, you don’t want his lips moving, so you’re the one doing the talking. Freely rearticulate the rationalization, minimization, socialization, and projection of blame that will help the person, even if only temporarily, to see things your way.

8. Use implicit rather than explicit language.

The more implicit you are in the language you use, the easier it will likely be for the person to buy in to what you’re saying. If you tell the person you want to work with him to help get the matter “resolved,” let his mind take that where it will. To you, “resolved” might mean a conviction. To him, it might mean something he can live with. Similarly, avoid any language that might remind the person of negative consequences: He “took” rather than “stole” the jewelry; he “gained unfair advantage” rather than “cheated” on the test; he “inappropriately touched” rather than “assaulted” the woman.

9. Never sit in judgment.

Remember that your goal from the outset was to get the truth, not to assume the roles of judge and jury . That goal will be considerably more difficult to accomplish if the person feels that you’re judging him, so make sure you avoid chastising or reprimanding him in any way. You want him to see you as a confidant, not as an arbiter of his fate.

To learn how to identify deceit and elicit the truth, visit Get The Truth: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Persuade Anyone To Tell All.

 

Forbes.com | Arpril 7, 2015 | Kathy Caprino 

Your Career: 7 Ways To Get Noticed At Work…“It’s about Results… And Likeability,”

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Over the course of my work as a career coach, I’ve had some exceptional clients. While I typically help eager job hunters get more clarity and job offers, I felt inspired to work with a young woman named Amy, who didn’t fit my usual profile.

resume-mistakes-11

Amy wasn’t concerned about landing a job, she was becoming increasingly concerned about getting ahead in her job. In her words, she’d been doing “everything” that was asked of her, but no one was acknowledging her efforts, let alone rewarding them. Meanwhile, other entry-level employees were flying past her with promotions and raises.

… Sound familiar?

We immediately got down to the specifics, assessing the culture and mission of Amy’s company. I learned that it was a small company with a very casual vibe, yet Amy couldn’t even get up the nerve to speak to the CEO when she saw her in the lunchroom. When I pointed out that her hesitation to communicate was hurting her chances of promotion, Amy was bewildered.

“It’s about results, right?” Amy asked.

“It’s about results… And likeability,” I shared.

How could Amy ever going to convince her colleagues that she cared about the business if she wouldn’t make any effort to engage with the people in it?

The truth is that the people who get promoted are doing more than just getting the work done.  Studies show that how we value an employee’s competence changes according to how much we like or dislike that person.

In other words,  being really good at your job isn’t enough.

For an employee to stand out, being likeable is a huge indicator for career success. The good news is that the biggest hindrance to likeability is apathy… This means you can change how others perceive you simply by making the choice to care.

There are steps you can take right now, regardless of your circumstances that will put you back on the promotion path, where you belong:

1. Take initiative. Are there any tasks that have been lingering on your boss’ to-do list for a few weeks? Have the office plants been calling out for water that everyone’s been too lazy to give them? A great way to get noticed is by taking on a project that no one wants to tackle, but that has to get done. I’ll never forget my last corporate job before becoming a career coach. One of my employees went out of her way to make a chart of the deliverables, and it just made my heart surge. It was a job that needed to be done but I hadn’t set aside any time for it, so when she took the initiative and presented it to me, it felt like Christmas morning!

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When you want to stand out at work use your job description as a starting point, not an end point.

2. Build rapport, everywhere. People who get big things done are people who know people, but the Amy’s of the world have a tendency to think that inter-office relationship building is too time-consuming and draining to be worthwhile. I teach hundreds of job hunters around the world the networking skills they need to create contacts out of thin air, and the truth is that it’s less complicated than people make it out to be. Start with a gesture: If you’re running out for Starbucks SBUX +1.03%, offer to pick up a latte for your coworker.

Networking is about kindness, mutual support and growth… Who’s in?

Every aspect of your professional life will improve if you get to know your colleagues and making them feel comfortable getting to know you. Once you’ve broken the ice, you won’t feel nearly as uncomfortable about initiating a conversation in the elevator.

3. Participate in the office’s extracurricular activities. Needless to say, I recommend minimizing the vodka cranberry cocktails during office happy hours, but know that the boundaries of good behavior don’t end with your sobriety. Back in my corporate life, I’ll never forget my company’s Halloween costume party, where a younger member of the team proudly showed up in an elaborately overdone get-up that was so tone-deaf and inappropriate. It distracted everyone else from enjoying the evening, and the mortified CEO “joked” that he’d never be able to take the employee seriously again.

The bottom line: When it comes to office events, never put more effort into your social persona than you’re putting into your professional persona, and when in doubt, always err on the side of maturity.

My colleague’s bad costume decision is undoubtedly going to show up in his bank account.

4. Do business development. Every organization has a bottom line, and if you’re bringing in new business opportunities, you will always be seen as an asset. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been hired for marketing; it’s all about contributing in a bigger way. This doesn’t mean you need to be a walking billboard for your employer, but you should maintain a keen awareness of the opportunities that surround you, whether you’re in a coffee line or a board meeting.

5. Be a team player. Sometimes you’re the star of the show, and sometimes you’re in the chorus. Being alert to your coworkers’ needs, and offering to help when their workload is overwhelming, is the best way to establish yourself as a team player.

You don’t need to be a martyr of self-sacrifice by staying late every single night to do someone else’s work, but stepping up without expecting any personal benefit will never go unnoticed or unappreciated.

6. Never talk smack. That’s the number one way to get noticed…and get fired. Your critiques may be spot-on and your impersonation of the boss might be the best in show, but don’t resort to gossip as a way of gaining popularity in the office.

It’s a universal truth that the person doing the trash talking always looks worse than the person who’s being trashed, even when the criticism is deserved. Stay above the fray at all costs.

7. Speak up. At 23 years old, I was hired to run a program for the Pentagon, and I’ll never forget my fear of speaking up as I sat in a sea of military leaders. The biggest shift in my career came when I took a quantum leap out of my comfort zone and started sharing my thoughts in staff meetings.

One day, they were trying to come up with a new approach for the program’s curriculum, and I sat there, mentally poking holes in all of their ideas. After they’d exhausted their options, I finally just let loose with my suggestions.

My input transformed the work we were doing, and my role on the team became more significant overnight.

It can be terrifying to put yourself out there, but the employee who’s still coming up with ideas long after the creativity fountain runs dry is a huge asset to any organization.

Over the course of a few months, Amy started to realize that having a voice in the workforce is like a muscle that grows stronger with frequent use. With each step forward, her self-consciousness loosened its grip and she became confident about seizing opportunities. She felt empowered to step up, regardless of whether it was to run a meeting or fix the copy machine.

The standout employees are the ones who behave like leaders, even when their title is Intern. The irony is that when you’re more focused on the results than the promotion, your title will change faster than you can even imagine.

If you don’t believe me, guess who’s now managing her company’s brand new office in London?

That would be—you guessed it—Amy.

 

Forbes.com | Arpil 3, 2015 | Ashley Stahl

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Your Career: Here’s How Much Money Millennials are Earning in each State…Millennials Aren’t Earning as Much Money as their Parents Did When They were Young

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They came of age during tough economic times — student debt has reached an all-time high and the job market is more competitive than ever.

girls, women, hipster, friends, talking, millennial, gen y

Millennial men make more than millennial women in all but one state — New York.

While this is bad news for the millennial generation as a whole, it is especially so for millennial women, who still face a gender wage gap.  The Institute for Women’s Policy Research recently analyzed data from the US government and released a report that provides state-by-state comparisons of women’s earnings and several compelling charts.

One of the charts reveals the average income of millennials (defined as those aged 16 to 34). “In 2013, the median annual earnings for millennial women working full-time, year-round were $30,000,” states the report, “compared with $35,000 for their male counterparts.”

They earned less than millennial men in all but one state — New York. Between 2011 and 2013, young women in the Big Apple made $38,319, while men earned $37,542.

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Ariane Hegewisch, the director of the study, elaborates on this stat: “Women are a third more likely to have a university degree than men in New York. That’s the big reason for the finding,” she explains to Business Insider. “You also have a lot of lower earning men in large cities, which makes a difference. It’s a mixture of a low wage labor market and the fact that young women are taking up the opportunity for professional work and going to New York to work in those sectors.”

She does point out, however, that, “given their qualification profile, women should make more.”

Check out the full chart:

table b2.2
Businessinsider.com | April 7, 2015 | Kathleen Elkins

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-average-salary-of-millennials-2015-3#ixzz3WihTTRWr

Leadership: 7 Daily Rituals Of Highly Effective Leaders…It is not What you are Going to do but What you are Doing Today that Counts- Napoleon Hill

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You can learn everything you need to learn in order to achieve anything, but you can never change your leadership until you change your rituals.

Directions Man

Rituals can strengthen and spotlight the values, intentions, and experiences you have chosen to live by; they and can be useful when we are trying to figure out what is important.

Here are some things that great leaders are doing wholeheartedly to make each day count.

Ritual of READING: Books are the understated and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of mentors, and the most patient of teachers. Become an avid reader; invest your time by reading something educational, inspirational, or motivational.

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Ritual of LISTENING: Leaders know that time is precious. Give yourself the advantage of learning something new by listening to audio programs — and repeat them until you have digested the information. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Learn something by listening.

Ritual of MENTORSHIP: One of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is to learn from a mentors.  A mentor isn’t someone who lectures, but someone who inspires you to give the best in order to discover what you already know. Find a mentor, grasp what they have done, copy what they do, and then learn how to improve upon it.

Ritual of FEEDBACK: Leaders embrace feedback both negative and positive. Find someone who knows you well and ask them for feedback. Don’t justify or argue but listen and evaluate the feedback carefully, especially when it gets hard to swallow or accept. Use all feedback to learn.

Ritual of ASKING: As leaders, in order to grow, we must be willing to ask for help — whether it’s assistance with a short-term situations or identifying and correcting a bad patterns. The more that we ask, the more things we will know. The more that we learn, the more we will grow.

Ritual of JOURNALING: Many of the best leaders keep a journal and develop a daily habit of journaling. It’s an excellent way to measure your growth and progress, which is sometimes hard to grasp in the day-to-day perspective. Journaling helps us to see clearer, to remember more, and to see what counts.

Ritual Of IMPROVEMENT: The best leaders dedicate themselves to constant growth. They commit to finding small ways to improve, every day, all the time. No matter how good you get you can always get better, and that’s the exciting part.

Rituals can be transformative. The amalgamation of setting an intention, heightens our focus, elevates our emotional involvement, and embodies our participation in effecting our lives and leading.

Make a better tomorrow, by making each day count.

Lead From Within: When you become a little bit better each day when you make learning a constant ritual. The best leaders are constantly improving, learning, growing and developing.

Businessinisder.com | June 3, 2014 | 

http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/daily-leadership-rituals-that-make-today-count/#ixzz3WiWA4E9S

Strategy:Former FBI hostage Negotiation Trainer Explains How to Get People to Do What you Want…The More they Open Up to you, the More Invested they’ll be in Hearing What you Have to Say

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Mark Goulston spent two years role-playing for a living.  He’d pretend to be a suicidal policeman, holding a gun to his neck, threatening to take his own life.

Mark Goulston

Mark Goulston, a former FBI hostage negotiation trainer, role playing.

His job was to challenge his audience — a room full of FBI agents and police officers — to talk him out of it.

“In the end, I always pulled the trigger and then from the point of view of that role play, I would tell them what they could have asked and could have said that would have caused me to give up and surrender,” explains Goulston, a psychiatrist and former FBI hostage negotiation trainer.

Today, Goulston, 67, is a business advisor and consultant, using the skills he honed in his hostage negotiation training job to coach executives and employees at big corporations, including GE, IBM, and Goldman Sachs. He’s also the author of the best-selling book, “Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.” 

We recently spoke to Goulston to learn how to get people — clients, colleagues, employees, or a boss — to do what you want at work.

Here’s what he said:

1. Get them to talk.

After you make a request — or subtly hint at what you want someone to do — stop and let that person do all the talking.

“When they start talking, they will self-discover the urgency of your request” he explains. They’ll decide on their own that they should oblige, without you having to beg.

If you do all the talking, they may tune you out or feel like they’re being told (rather than asked) to do something, which will make them not want to do it.

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2. As they are speaking, pay attention to the adjectives and adverbs they use. 

“An adjective is a way to embellish a noun, and an adverb is a way to embellish a verb — and both modifiers indicate something that the person has some ’emotional juice’ on,” Goulston explains. “After the other person stops talking — even if they ask you a question —  pause for a few seconds, and instead of answering it, respond with: ‘Hmmm…’ (This communicates that you have listened and considered what they are saying.) Then, say more about the adjective or adverb they used.”

By doing this they will reveal what really matters to them and be more invested in the conversation, and therefore more interested in helping you.

For example, if someone you are speaking to uses the adjective “amazing” with regard to an opportunity and asks you a question after they finish speaking, try responding with, “I can answer your question, but before I do, tell me more about this amazing opportunity.” “This will cause them to open up more to you and at a deeper level than if you had just directly answered their question,” Goulston says. “The more they open up to you, the more invested they’ll be in hearing what you have to say.”

3. Use ‘fill in the blanks.’

“When you ask someone a question, you trigger an unconscious flashback of their having been put on the spot earlier in life by a teacher, parent, or coach, and you create a syntactical ‘you versus me’ disconnect,” Goulston says. This can lead to a reflexive “pull back” by them, he explains.

To avoid this, mix in with questions or requests a “fill in the blank,” he suggests. “For instance, it is more confrontational to ask someone, using a ‘you better know the answer to this’ tone, ‘What are you going to do about x situation?’ than it is to say, using and inviting ‘want to know’ tone, ‘What you’re planning to do about x situation is …?'”

Mark GoulstonCourtesy of Mark GoulstonMark Goulston.

When you use the latter approach you have syntactically invited the other person into a sentence with you, instead of asking a question, “which may cause them to think it is you versus them,” says Goulston.

4. Trigger positive flashbacks.

Believe it or not, whenever you say, do, or ask something, you almost always trigger unconscious flashbacks for the person you’re speaking to. “The key is to trigger positive flashbacks, not negative ones,” Goulston says.

If the person associates you, your question, or your request with something good, they’re more likely to comply.

For example, Goulston coaches many women on how to succeed in the C-suite. When he recently asked one woman why she chose to employ him, a male coach, rather than a female coach, she responded, “You’re like a protective big brother who’s smart, funny, slightly irreverent — but when you confront me with something I need to change, instead of becoming defensive I listen and cooperate with you because what you say is ‘laced with love.'”

5. Be a ‘plusser,’ not a ‘topper.’

One key to getting people to do what you want is to make them feel good and important.

“In conversations, ‘plussers’ build on or add to what the other person is saying; while ‘toppers’ either hijack the conversation abruptly to make it be about them or try to top what the other person is saying as in, ‘Ah, that sounds like a nice trip you took to Florida. We went to Fiji.'”

Plussers, he says, cause others to feel that what they’re saying matters; toppers cause others to think that you were only listening to them to get your turn to speak “and even worse, make them feel less than,” Goulston says.

For an example, a plusser would say: “Wow, that’s a great idea! Really smart and creative. We could even go one step further and try X, if you think that would work.” While a topper would say: “Your idea is good but I actually ran my idea by our CEO already and he loved it — so maybe we should go with mine.”

6. Focus on the future — not past failures.

People don’t love criticism. They tend to get defensive when you bring up any situation in which they failed, Goulston says. So, if you’re trying to get someone to do something differently in the future, don’t focus on the past.

Try something like, “Going forward, something that I would greatly appreciate would be if you could do X because it would be really helpful to the entire team.”

“Letting them know you’d appreciate it, and why, is important because it allows them to feel like they’re making a valuable contribution and a positive impact,” Goulston explains.

“When you’re trying to persuade people, more often than not they feel you’re being pushy,” he says. “When you focus on influencing them, they’re much less defensive and open to hearing what you have to say.”

NOW WATCH: 5 Proven Strategies That Will Make You A Better Negotiator

 

Businessinsider.com | April 7, 2015 | Jacquelyn  Smith  

http://www.businessinsider.com/fbi-negotiation-trainer-on-how-to-get-people-to-do-what-you-want-2015-4#ixzz3WdOYk7kQ

Strategy:5 Ways To Make Failure Your Best Competitive Advantage…It’s Important for Employees to Know that Failure is OK. How is your Organization Turning Failure into something Positive?

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A few weeks ago I wrote about Why Failure Is The Best Competitive Advantage. We have long been taught to avoid and run from failure but a big part of the future of work is embracing failure because ultimately this is what leads to innovation. The benefits of doing so: increases innovation, improves engagement, removes inefficiencies, and provides valuable learning opportunities.

Change

 

In part one of this post I talked about the “why” and today I want to talk about the “how.” That is, how can organizations go about making failure a powerful competitive advantage. There are a few things companies can do.

Understand that failure is not the same as bad work

I mentioned this in part one of the post but wanted to expand on it here. Doing bad work is not the same thing as failing. If employees do good work, try hard, and still fail that’s not the same thing as slacking off, and failing. Organizations must realize that encouraging and embracing failure also means making sure that employees do a good job, and if they fail in the process then that’s ok but this does’t remove accountability and responsibility from the equation.

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Give opportunities to fail

I wrote about how Adobe gives all of their employees the opportunity fail with their KickStart program where any employee can be given $1,000 to test out an idea. Linkedin has a similar model with their INcubator program, as does Dreamworks, ATT, Whirlpool WHR +0.79%,and many other companies. The key here is to give opportunities to test out an idea, get some experimental capital (when it makes sense) and to see where the idea can go. Sometimes these ideas can turn into new products and services but many of them end up failing and that’s ok. For companies that don’t have internal innovation incubators that’s ok too. Just because you don’t have an internal “lab” set up doesn’t mean you can’t embrace failure as well.

Examine failures

In order to turn failure into a competitive advantage it’s important to understand why a failure happened instead of just dismissing it and moving on. Was it a product feature? The wrong market? An outdated approach to doing something? A poor experience? A pricing issue? Failure is a great time to ask questions to get new perspective and generate better ideas. It’s just like being a scientist in a lab who is trying to find a solution to a complex problem, you test out ideas and build on top of them but this all starts with asking questions. Schwab does a great job of this by doing a failure debrief. All failed employee innovations are also displayed for others to see and new employees get a videotaped orientation of these failures along with lessons learned.

Educate employees and give them resources

It’s important for employees to know that failure is ok this means organizations much teach this both formally through education programs and informally through the behavior of management. Adobe does this with their KickStart program, GE recently started doing this by adopting the Lean Startup approach, and Whirlpool does this with their Innovation Management System (and their processes). If you want to encourage failure you need to teach employees what this means and give them a framework and a process for how to approach failure and learn from it.

Showcase the failures

In part one of this post I mentioned TATA which has their “dare to try award”PG&E PCG +1.49% with their “heroic failure award” and others. Most of the companies mentioned in part 1 and 2 of this post showcase failures so that others can see them and learn from them. What Schwab does with their new employees and video orientations around failure is an outstanding example of how an organization showcases failure. By doing so not only does it create a culture where failure isn’t feared but it also creates a powerful and valuable learning tool.

How is your organization turning failure into something positive?

Jacob Morgan is a keynote speaker, author (most recently of The Future of Work), and futurist. You can get the first 30 pages of his book for free as well as weekly content on the future of work by subscribing to his newsletter.

Forbes.com | April 6, 2015 | Jacob Morgan

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacobmorgan/2015/04/06/five-ways-to-make-failure-your-best-competitive-advantage

 

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